My Dentist: Better than Orin Scrivello, DDS.
The other day a friend of mine posted on that unpopular website (Face Place or whatever it’s called, you know, that social network that NO ONE USES) that they were headed to the dentist. I KNOW, RIGHT? STOP THE PRESSES! NEWSFLASH! *insert eyeroll*
This is only slightly less annoying than people who post what they are eating (not that I do that. Ahem.) or what they are making for dinner or, “I’m dropping my kid at school and then I’m going to read a book and then I’m going to St. Arbucks and then I’m picking my kid up from school.”
Where was I? Right. Friend. Dentist. Now, they posted that they dread going to the dentist. They HATE it, in fact. And I cannot imagine it.
Why? I’ll tell you why! I’m so glad you asked (pretend you did, because I’m going to tell you anyway).
I like the dentist because I like my teeth feeling clean. They play swanky jazz music, it’s really pretty and homey and there is neat artwork on the wall. I close my eyes when they tip me back. I’m in a comfy, leather chair and there is PEACE AND QUIET. Meaning, no children accompany me! I GO BY MYSELF.
Since I have pretty damn healthy teeth (well, I need braces. Don’t hate), I actually enjoy the cleaning. I even schedule two visits a year and it’s worth the nineteen dollar copay for an hour of peace and quiet. It’s like going to a spa! But with a teeth massage!
And they give out lip balm AND toothbrushes, yo. I love my dentist. Of course, he’s totally hot easy on the eyes and that makes it even more fun. Yes, I realize I’m in the minority and I’m insane. It’s part of my charm!
Happy Fun Times Ahead!
And my Gynecologist? Most ladies I know bitch and complain about going. They hate it. they feel violated. It’s uncomfortable and the gowns are itchy and the speculum is hot and…look, I don’t exactly enjoy the feeling of having my cervix scraped with a cotton swab either but blah, blah, whine, whine, blah. Get over it! The OBGYN is fun!
They have Rachel Ray on in the waiting room, there are dozens of copies of Women’s Day and Ladies Home Journal and they are really nice and go out of their way to quiz you in math facts when you have to calculate the date of your last period. What’s not to like? You even get your “girls” massaged, isn’t that nice of them? And no kids! Again!
But the hairdresser? Just the thought of it makes me get the heeby jeebies.
Look y’all. I’ve got this funky thing with my hair. I don’t like people touching it. My kids can’t touch it, my husband can’t touch it and my hairdresser is lucky if she sees me four times a year. I love Dottie (my hairdresser) and she has cut my hair for fifteen years. She’s a nice person and does a fabulous job. I try to be brave, honest. I really do. But I totally have to psych myself up to call and go in there. It’s not for lack of wanting my hair cut. It’s like a sensory issue or something. In fact, when I was writing my birth plan back in the dark ages when I had babies, I made sure I put in bold and in caps all over my birth plan (like, in every paragraph) FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S GOOD AND HOLY, DO NOT TOUCH MY HAIR.
And now that you all know that, if you ever see me in real life, you’re going to make sure you touch my hair, aren’t you?
About Marj Hatzell
Touch your hair? Yup – though we’re unlikely to ever meet – :(
However, a query arises in the mind of this mere male: I kind of assumed your Gyno would expect you to also have a “haircut”? No? Oh, OK. My mistake…
Twitter Name: adamfrayle
Actually, I tend to let it grow back when I’m due at the Gyno. Not sure why. Embarrassed? Pretending I’m virgin Mary?
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
Ah… Yes, of course. Silly me. ;)
Twitter Name: adamfrayle
Wow, I feel the same way about my feet. No one touches my feet. I would rather get a root canal with no novicane than a pedicure. So happy I’m not the only one with a weird thing about a body part.
See, the feet I’m fine with. The husband, however, does NOT like to see feet. Like, it totally grosses him out.
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
You sure that’s not and excuse to get you to wear stilettos all the time? LOL
Twitter Name: adamfrayle
Ugh. I would rather get my hair cut than the other two horrible yearly events!
See? Difference in opinion. Hair cuts are the devil to me. Dentist? I can take a nap!
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
As a dentist and blogger myself I fully endorse this message.
Glad I could be of service.
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
Love your writing … you are one weird lady … or maybe more than one. My days are similar … only the ‘little farts’ I deal with are credit recovery and attendance skippers of the night school variety … . Dysfunctional, yeah, but someone in their socio-economic world is used to being shat upon, and so they almost work toward a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Besides, I hate being touched … anywhere … though the barber gets away with it … as does the dentist. No gynecologist though … but then I am a Library Guy … sorta
Totally on board with this. Clean teeth. Check. Dentist has nice music, and I get to go with no kids. Check. Gyn appt also isn’t that bad due to no kids and a CRNP that actually cares. Check. Not to mention I’m a little OCD since cancers of the lady bits run on both sides of my family.
The hairdresser is a whole new ball game. It seems just when I find a good one, either we move, or she goes and has a baby. Or now I’ve got one kid in therapy 7 hrs a week on top of school, and just don’t have the time to sit there for 3 hrs for a cut, color, and wax right now. I like getting my hair cut when I have a hair dresser who does it right, but I have funky hair, and the bad cuts while finding a good one suck.
Twitter Name: householdsix
Touch my hair…please! Comb it! Stroke it! Run your fingers through it! My husband helps me on with my jacket all winter long and the last step is he gathers my hair off my neck and pulls it out from under the collar. Heavenly! It’s practically foreplay for me.
Twitter Name: rotarykat