See Why I Don't Want My Childhood Back?
This past week, I was at Target (also known as my social life), trying to find some hair product that screamed, “THIS WILL HELP YOUR BALDNESS, AUNT BECKY.” While I was perusing the aisles, looking for anything but Rogaine because that would be admitting I had a problem, I saw it. Or rather, I saw THEM.
It was like the whole world skidded to a grinding halt as the Facts of Life theme song whirred in my head. I would have vomited, had my stomach contents not been filled with a delicious Uncrustable.
A whole shelf at my beloved Target was filled with this horror; this intense disgusting mess of something I’d thought I’d been able to forget. Something I’d wiped from my memory banks only to be thrust back, front and center, like a particularly bad porno.
Scrunchies.
Now I can sit back and pretend that I was okay with skinny jeans coming back. That I didn’t weep a little when I saw COLORED skinny jeans make a triumphant return. I can even tell you that I was semi-okay with leggings coming back into fashion. It would all be a lie, but it would be a good one.
But scrunchies?
Scrunchies are so beyond the realm of things that are okay that I hardly have words to quantify how I’m feeling beyond a little nauseous and a lot nostalgic. The sick sort of nostalgia – the sort that makes you recall those days when you thought chugging Boone’s Farm was a good idea – not the kind that makes you fondly remember the Good Old Days like a Bob Segar song.
I’m really not sure who down at Goody thought that bringing this particular bit of my childhood back was a good idea, but if I met them, I’d likely punch them in the taco. Or throat. Really, I’m not particular.
Because scrunchies? This is just going too far. The 80′s revival is bad enough, but scrunchies look like something my grandmother wore. In fact, I think she DID wear them.
And let’s be honest, here, Aiming Low-ers, so did I. I even went as far as to color-coordinate them with my outfits because that’s what you do when you’re eight and have no fashion sense. But I am an adult now! My fashion sense now includes things like “stained gauchos” and “stained track pants” and the occasional “stained tank top.” Clearly, I have evolved over the years.
But the scrunchies, well, they look exactly the same as they did (counts on fingers)(counts again)(realizes counting is bullshit) A LOT of years ago when I wore them to match those weird clips we used to put on our shirts.
I somehow feel scrunchies should’ve evolved in the (mumbles number) years since I last wore them, and am both shocked and appalled that they haven’t. Maybe even a little hurt.
But mostly disgusted.
I do remember my parents having a conniption fit when I tromped home in clogs and bell-b0ttoms, shrieking about “the seventies being back!”
But this is different. Clogs and bell-bottoms are COOL.
Scrunchies, man, they’re bullshit.
And while my parents laugh at my horror and disgust, I will be sitting quietly in a corner, rocking back and forth, trying to erase the image of that jaunty row of scrunchies, waiting patiently to be loved by some young girl.
That is, if I don’t burn them instead.
About Aunt Becky
My grandmother was too classy to wear scrunchies.
Shame, Goody. FOR SHAME.
Goody SHOULD be ashamed of themselves!
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
My friend has a great quote that she often repeats from a Today show fashion segment. It’s something to the effect of, “If you wore it the first time it came around, you shouldn’t be doing it the second time it comes around.” I think that definitely applies to scrunchies. And rompers.
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
Great quote and too true :)
One trend I wish would come back was the huge sweatshirt. Sigh, my gut would LOVE that particular unflattering (but very concealing!) style. And to think I didn’t even have a gut first time around.
Oh scrunchies! I had them in all colors to match whatever huge sweatshirt and tights I had on :)
Yeah,won’t be going there again.
OMG. Rompers? OMG.
BARFS.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Oh. I… er… kinda like them… But in my defense, I have really thick curly hair and it gets HOT, man! Like I can’t breathe! And I’m in the South. Maybe that’s why I remember them up through the 90′s.
Twitter Name: Im_Wendy
Wendy, just the other day I was mentally thanking my 90′s self for having saved some scrunchies. If you need to temporarily pull your hair up into a ponytail, scrunchies let you do it without ending up with that hideous rubber-band hump. As a Southern belle with very thick (I.E. pain in the rear to wash & blow dry daily) hair, I say all hail the scrunchie!
I’ve been jacking my daughters little baby rubber bands, but I’d rather have a scrunchie. A regular rubber band pulls my hair out! The little ones don’t do it as badly, but they stretch out after a while. And a clippy thing gives me a headache.
Twitter Name: Im_Wendy
Guilty as well. I don’t do the bright colors though. I go with brown, black & gray. I sleep in the brighter ones that come with the assortment. Gotta help keep the thick, curly hair under control (and off my neck in this heat!).
me too. especially for working out at the gym
I’m with you. Bring back the big ol’ cut up Flashdance sweatshirts and I WILL wear them.
Twitter Name: Izzymom
Bwahahahahahahaha. I’d pay good money to see that. Like upwards of a dollar.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
I want hypercolor shirts back.
And at the mother/daughter camp I went to with my 8 year old, the big thing was all the girls tying their shirts in a knot on one side on the bottom, so looks like that is coming back too.
Twitter Name: midgetinvasion
My daughter and her friends do that with any t-shirt they deem too big…except they tie it in the back, which reminds me of Hooters girls and not in a good way. That trend? Can stay back in the 80′s along with slouchy socks and those stupid Dolfin/Dolphin shorts I loved so much.
Twitter Name: Izzymom
Hypercolor shirts *are* back….I’ve seen them at Kohls :)
Twitter Name: s_CSR
Yep. There was a reformulation of the thermachromic pigment, and now it won’t wash out. I can’t wait to get a new one. My son has a shirt that has a lizard screenprint on it that changes color, but it only does it in sunshine. I hope that’s not what the new ones are going to do.
Twitter Name: Im_Wendy
SAY IT AIN’T SO.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
OH YES.
The best part? They fit like real shirts instead of big and baggy boy shirts.
The funniest part? This means your boobs are always a different color than the rest of you :)
Twitter Name: s_CSR
Okay, I need one. And how.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
I loved scrunchies! I think it’s one of the things I miss most about having hair, tying it up in a scrunchie. I just found a neon green scrunchie in my closet. (how’s that for offensive? Well, I never said I was fashionable. LOL)
I was too young for boyfriends when hypercolor shirts were around the first time but I’ve often thought they couldn’t have been a good idea to wear on dates. *laughs* No, mom my date wasn’t groping me at all. Uh, no those are my hand marks. Really.
Twitter Name: NJdreaming
OMG. I never wore one of those to make out in. Now I’m glad as hell.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
But…but…they never went away?? I’ve worn cloth covered hair bands my entire life, because I am a giant frizz monster, and my hair consumes elastic bands like they are a rare delicacy. Except rare delicacies do not generally cause my scalp to bleed.
I can’t see those as just eighties. I have them in all colors and textures all over the house, and restrain my hair-beast with them daily.
But rompers? I’m with you on those. And skinny jeans. And high tops.
Twitter Name: anchasta
Now that I am balding, I understand precisely what you mean.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Please tell me that the synthesizer will once again play a prominent role in all radio hits, then. Or at least on all soundtracks. I’ll throw a v-neck sweater on backwards with 2 pairs of layered different colored socks scrunched down under my french-rolled stonewashed jeans, and it’ll REALLY be a party.
Twitter Name: ChiMomWriter
Totally forgot about wearing the sweaters backwards!
Wait….sweaters backward? Why didn’t I know about that?
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Oh YAH! I had a friend who could totally rock the backward sweater thing over leggings. Sigh. Potato sack? Me? So, no.
But scrunchies!? Some of the materials I’ve seen are worse than my grandmother’s taste in wallpaper!!!
Back in the late ’90s I worked at Cathay Pacific. They had this huge uniform relaunch and, aside from the blouses that looked like fast food chain shirts, the colours rocked: Purple for all. But the funniest parts were (a) the pencil skirts that the women couldn’t lean over or crouch down in (tear!) and (b) the scrunchies that all the long-haired girls had to wear.
So I ask you. Outdated, or ahead of their time. You decide.
But backward sweaters. THAT was style.
Not only did mine match, but I actually went all Suzy Homemaker and made a few. I had quite a few that matched my oversized Champion sweatshirts. :x
I totally had the Girbaud stuff. I was a hardcore ickle thing.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Please, please burn them. Oh how I loved a scrunchie back in the day. I even had handmade ones to match my hand-made calico supersized hammer pants overalls. (I think my aunt may have had it in for me….).
Now? All I can think of when I see one is SJP screaming “SCRUNCHIEEEEE” in the infamous SATC scrunchie episode.
And if that isn’t enough to give you shudders everytime you see one?
MATCHING. CALICO. SCRUNCHIE.
THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT OF. That episode had me ROLLING.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
I never wore a scrunchy and I refuse to let my daughters as well. They creep me out.
Twitter Name: 31_Amber_31
Because they’re a bit creepy. Let’s burn ‘em ALL.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
I think I kind of missed the scrunchie trend because when they were in style I had either a bi-level, affectionately known today as a mullet and later, an adorable little bob. Neither style was conducive to ponytails. I lucked out, I guess.
But you know what else is back? The side ponytail. *shudder*
Twitter Name: Izzymom
THE SIDE PONYTAIL? NO WAY.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
I wore mine in a single ringlet that I twisted ALL DAY LONG! Yessssssssssss
As I was school shopping with the daughter, I noticed that most styles never really leave. I think they all just hang on a circular rack of time, and each month the rack rotates a little.
Although I may have just been suffering from the ill effects of bright lights and bad music while dying a slow death in Wet Seal.
Isn’t that scary? It scares me. A lot.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Oh yes. Side ponytails. In musical form even.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-gQL03u7mc
Don’t watch that vid if you are at ALL prone to seizures.
Twitter Name: lilmscreant
Bwahahahahahaha! That’s brilliant.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Not only was I a scrunchie wearer (though I preferred the banana clip, frankly), but I MADE scrunchies in home ec class (while the boys made Jams shorts, the girls made dresses and scrunchies).
PS, Aunt Becky, I have gone through the hair loss process myself due to thyroid issues and it does suck…I feel for you girl!
OMG. Jams! JAMS! That’s hilarious.
And yeah, I want to be all HAHAHAHAHA HAIR LOSS, but it’s really alarming.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Ok, I have to admit, I’m digging the side ponytail…but ONLY if it’s low enough to just hang straight over your shoulder. Side of the head? NOthankyouverymuch.
Scrunchies–erm, no. I did have white and black and brown in high school, and a green plaid one that matched my cheerleading sweatshirt emblem (weren’t we just the cutest? rme).
Rompers? Fuck to the no.
Overalls? I’d rather not look like an elebenty-seben month pregnant woman (cause I’m not prego and don’t intend to be but that’s where I carry my weight).
Backwards clothing? No no no.
And tight-rolling (pegging, french rolling, whatevs) your jeans? You have got to be out of your mind.
Twitter Name: dreamerrealist
Can you believe OVERALLS are actually back?
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
The clothes in Target are KILLING ME RIGHT NOW. Miniskirts? Overalls? drop waist shirts? Who do they think we are, Debbie Gibson?
It makes me all kinds of sad. Sigh.
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
oh! And! True story! SAW STIRRUP PANTS AT THE MALL.
WAY!
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
Okay, I’m officially vomiting all over the computer now.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
OMG. I can’t take it. Next we are going to see racks and racks of burgundy and royal blue Z. Cavaricchi’s. Although they did make my butt look like da bomb.
I completely remember the backwards sweater routine. Those things had an ENORMOUS V-neck(from Express, right?). Don’t forget bundles of black rubber bracelets to round out the look. Top it all off with bangs blown straight down and the rest of your hair blown UP and back, including some extra hair spray on the sides, blown dry and crispy, to wing it out even more.
My 8yo daughter came home a few weeks ago with her ponytail holder posing as one of those weird “gather your shirt at your hip” clips.
Where do I upload a teeny picture of myself, to go along with my posts? :)
Twitter Name: jhollywoodd
Back in high school my friends and I all bought the same red scrunchies (obviously inspired by one of the greatest movies of all time: Heathers) and we HAD to wear them every day. If it wasn’t in your hair, it was on your wrist. We thought we were hot shit, and really we were just idiots with bad hair and hideous accessories.
Twitter Name: nystoopmama
Heathers was the best movie EVER. OMG. That’s awesome. The scrunchies? Not so much.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
ah….but do you recall the long shirts with the clip thingers?!
Twitter Name: Lynoth