Looks Are Everything

They say looks aren’t everything.

They are obviously crazy.

Give me sleek and smooth over junky and clunky.

Dark and mysterious over gray and bumpy.

Energy, sophistication and whispery smooth function over da-dhunk-dhunk-thunk….whrrr….

I’m talking about printers.  Not men.

Okay, maybe both.

Once upon a time, a printer was just a printer.  All it did… was print.  Go figure.

The multitasking zeitgeist of the late 90s and 2000s did not leave the computer printer untouched, though.  Soon, printers became more than just printers… they became scanners, faxers, photo booths, and oh, yeah… they printed, too.

Unfortunately, the scanner, printer, faxer, photobooth printer, aesthetically speaking, often leaves much to be desired.

Case in point:

I gave you the best years of my life, you BITCH!

 

While this printer served me well, I mean, just look at it.  It’s huge.  It requires an entire office of its own, really.  Plus?  It doesn’t even print photos.

But.

Wait.

This story is not over.

Look at this:

Come here, gorgeous, let me rub your feet while I print up some photos in a jiffy.

That’s my new printer, the HP Envy 100 e-All-in-One.

It prints, scans, e-mails, connects to the Internet wirelessly and prints wirelessly, but dudes.look.at.it.

Is it a state of the art sound system?

NOPE. It’s a printer.

A top of the line Blu-Ray player or whatever crap they’re going to make us buy next so we can just watch some damned movies at home?

NOPE. A printer.

A ultra high tech gadget that indicates the owner is savvy and techie impressive?

NOPE… well, yep.  Anyway.  It’s a… you guessed it… a printer.

WAIT!

IS IT A TIME TRAVELING DEVICE THAT WILL ALLOW YOU TO BEND THE LAWS OF PHYSICS BY ALLOWING YOU TO TRAVEL FIVE MINUTES IN TO THE PAST SO YOU CAN STOP YOUR TWO YEAR OLD FROM SCRIBBLING ON YOUR CREME COLORED SOFAS WITH PERMANENT PURPLE MARKER WHILE YOU WROTE THIS POST?!!

That would be very cool…  but, nope, it’s a printer.

Though the functionality is certainly impressive, with features such as Internet connectivity, high quality photo printing and scanner feature, the factor that most contributed me to relegating my old printer to the First Wives Club of printers was looks.

The HP Envy 100 e-All-in-One can be placed anywhere in your house, it’s sleek style causes it to blend in like a stylish little ninja printer who brings home roses every day and rubs your feet while you watch reruns of “Angel” for three hours.

I put it in my living room.

Because, come on, that’s where roses bearing, feet rubbing ninjas who love David Boreanaz belong.

P.S.  The first photo is of some famous South Korean actor.  South Korea is clearly awesome.

 

About Faiqa Khan

Mother of two, wife of one, master of none. Trying madly to be prolific on her personal blog at Native Born and proving beyond a reasonable doubt that she's not a racist on Hey! That's My Hummus!

Comments

  1. Jennifer says:

    I <3 David Boreanaz. And yest, that's totally what I got out of the post. Sorry.

    • Faiqa says:

      What’s not to love?! I would have done the same. In fact, if I could have gotten away with writing David Boreanaz 125 times, I totally would have done that.

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  2. MamaKaren says:

    I know why they call it the Envy. I envy you for having one. My current all-in-one is bulky and makes for awkward arrangements in the space we use as a computer room.

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  3. Erin says:

    The guy that works at my local vegan restaurant/coffee shop looks just like the guy in the photo!

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