photo courtesy of trix0r
In my pre-children days, I considered myself a pacifist. I envisioned my future children and I attending beautiful peace rallies while wearing tie-dyed all-hemp jumpers and singing Kumbaya with other children gathered from around the world, swaying and dancing in the gentle breezes on a flowered hilltop just like in a Coca-cola commercial (except without the blatant commercialism and poisonous Coke drinking). It was going to be grand, yo.
Now I have two boys ages six and three and despite my vigorous attempts to inculcate them in the Kumbaya rainbow peace rally lifestyle and the fact that I have never purchased them toy guns or even a light saber, every time I turn around they are slicing each other to bits with imaginary toothbrush ninja swords, building bombs out of their Lego kit or chewing their sandwiches into pistols.
The first time I realized that my peaceful plan was being truly undermined was during a prayer meeting our family was attending. In attempts to get my pray on AND keep my children busy, quiet and not hanging from the ceiling fans, I brought a large bin of Mr. Potato Heads for them to play with.
While the adults in the next room listened to spiritual music and communed with their inner peace, my children zeroed in on the one toy that Mr. Potato Head owned which could be used as a weapon. After a near-fight-to-the-death over Mr. Pirate Potato Head’s miniature sword, my (at the time) two-year-old Diego held the sword menacingly to my neck and growled into my ear, “I GOING TO KILL YOU, MOMMY!”
Obviously, this was not going to be the spiritual experience I had hoped for.
This declaration was followed by a full-scale gutting of my body by my tiny two-year-old ninja/pirate. Of course, just as Diego began to loudly disembowel me, I began to hear the readings from the next room which were all about world peace, love and the betterment of mankind. Somehow, Diego’s voice managed to rise above all the others in the room, punctuating the prayers with his running narration of my torturous and painful death featuring colorful details of how he was planning to “slice the jelly from my eyes” and “feed my gizzards and toe jams to the birds” and “grind up my bones and feets to make chicken alphabet soups.”
And if I didn‘t die from the bone-grinding torture I was subjected to thanks to my little samurai, I’m pretty sure I died from humiliation as our family single-handedly managed to turn the lovely prayer meeting into a ninja rampage.
They say, “Boys will be boys.”
I’ve always hated this expression and thought in my pre-children days that it was simplistic and ignorant to believe that gender alone could have such a significant influence on our children. But if it isn’t just a sex thing, then what is it all about? Is it testosterone? Rogue preschool influences? Some form of evil mass consciousness? Is it the same reason why even though my children have never seen a Star Wars film or even read a Star Wars themed book, they are somehow completely fluent in the tribal tongue of the Ewok and can easily identify Yoda and Darth Vader at the Preschool Halloween Roundup?
Meanwhile, if you are looking for tips on how to raise a peaceful child, don’t look at me. I got nothing.
But if you are looking for tips on how to raise a bloodthirsty ninja? I got your back. Just follow the noble path and without any effort on your part at all, your children will be disemboweling you with Mr. Potato Head accessories in the middle of your next Kumbaya peace rally.
May the force be with you.
About Naomi De La Torre
I’m so with you! I have not bought my two year old a toy gun and yet, when I build him a tall lego building, he uses it as a rifle. Twigs and sticks are swords. My husband insists all boys are like that!
Stumbling upon your blog for the first time and you are speaking my language! My boys are 9 & 7 and are capable of imaging just about ANY object as a weapon. No, I don’t buy guns–no need. They can be crafted from Legos, paper towel rolls, even chicken nuggets. Sigh. At least they’re being creative.
I love it! My life so didn’t turn out the way I expected it either. Love it but not what I was expecting:)LOL
Twitter Name: Truthfulmommy
This is brilliant! I’ve also been marveling at the spontaneous display of some surprising traits in my 16-month-old daughter. I’ve been writing about it here: http://mommytheorist.wordpress.com/2011/08/30/liar-liar/
Looking forward to reading and sharing more adventures in parenting!
~ Michelle
Twitter Name: mommytheorist
It’s incredible isn’t it?
Ok so mine developed late, I guess, bus suddenly at 6 he started talking about bombs and tanks and ‘things worse than bombs and hurtings’ …
Where the HELL does that come from? As far as I know he has had absolutely no contact with any words or images of war!
(Oh, and mine does have swords (we do sword to sword combat only and don’t attack anyone who doesn’t have a sword) and I believe there is a water pistol in the holster of a dress-up costume that he has never played with or shown any interest in, so my boys don’t even fit in with the theory of ‘repressed’ boys acting out more …)
As the mom of 2 year triplet boys, a 4 year old girl and 6 year old “big boy”, I can totally relate. I don’t know how it is that the little guys intuitively use sticks as guns while my little lady has suddenly discovered my heels. Truth be told though, one of the triplets seems to like heels too though… nature? nurture? Let the great debate continue and in the meantime, maybe use those prayer services to just be thankful for the humor all these little people provide! :)
Twitter Name: lyonsdenmom
Uhoh, this makes me fearful of what I have in store in the next couple years. ;)
My baby boy is 16 now… how did this happen? I also never purchased a toy gun or sword for him. I never let him watch violent (or even pseudo-violent) shows on TV. Yet somehow (could it have been the other preschool children?) he had the whole ninja-I’mgonnakillyouthing down by age 2.5. Now? LOL! Now he’s high in the ranks of his JrROTC in his high school. How DID this happen?
On the flip-side, he’s also a very open and caring young man. *sigh* Sometimes nature simply overrules nurture, but at least the two elements can work together… even if nurture is a beta-personality follower type. Whatever :P
Oh, I’m laughing. Because I know *exactly* what you mean. The first time my son (3) threatened to maim me I was horrified. Now that’s just Tuesday.
Twitter Name: FarewellStrangr
So funny Naomi! I could have written this exact same post. Except mine are 3.5 and not quite 2!!! Egads. How DO they know about Star Wars?
Twitter Name: January Soden
Nice post.
I think about this a lot, because my boy doesn’t fit into the typical stereotype of what boys do. He’s gentle and quiet and shy. One of his sisters is the most active and boisterous of our bunch. It’s humbling, especially when you have more than one child, to realize how little influence you truly have in some ways. They are who they are! Just like we are.
My mom always tells the story of my brother, who to her knowledge had never seen a gun, picking up a banana and shooting her.
I do not know where it comes from. My boys are 5 and 2, and they are kicking, punching, shooting, pretend-fire-building fools.
Twitter Name: Missy_Stevens