It’s always the most mundane of days when the inevitable comes and kicks you square in the back of the head.
There we were on the edge of the soccer field, four women in our 30’s, watching our young children finish up their drills at the end of their first day of soccer camp, when one woman brought up the upcoming school year – when does it start again? what grade is your Emily going into this year? It was all so innocent, just idle chit chat. But then another woman remarked, “My youngest is going into first grade. All my kids will be in school full time. I guess that means Mommy’s got to find a job.”
A job. You could almost feel it reverberating over the field and bouncing off the trees. A JOB-job-job-job-job-job…
In my town first grade means a full school day, since our kindergarten program is only half days, and for many of us, the stay-at-home-moms types, that also means a level of freedom the likes of which we only dreamed about when our squalling infants were keeping us awake at 3am. It was the “One Day” in our “One day we’ll be able to go to the supermarket without a child begging for candy at the check-out or peeing in aisle 3” scenario. Back then “One Day” seemed so far away.
But with freedom comes a whole new level of responsibility. A more than slightly terrifying level of responsibility.
What the hell do you do when your kids are away from home all day?
There’s always something to do, of course. All those projects put on the back burner because little Susie insisted on playing Candy Land for the millionth time or little Johnny was pretending to be SuperMan and needed an evil nemesis to defeat. Then there are those of us who already have part-time jobs that more time could be devoted to. And just imagine all the soap operas and bon-bons that could be consumed!
I’m kidding about that last bit. Yep, totally kidding.
I can’t speak for every woman but for me the self-applied pressure to contribute will eventually force me back into the working world. Right now that aforementioned part-time job is fine but hopefully I’ll be able to turn it into a more lucrative venture. But if you’re in my position, a parent of small children – because let’s face it, men are not immune from this either, there’s plenty of stay-at-home fathers facing this too – and you don’t have something you’re currently doing that fulfills you, or a career you can easily pick up from where you left off, what do you plan to do when your kids don’t need you between the hours of 8:30am and 4pm?
Except on those days when they get sick and need to stay home? Or pretend to be sick and stay home? Or when they have a school vacation, teacher workshop day, or state holiday and they need to stay home…
Feel free to say, Run around the house naked while singing 80s hair band songs and practicing your air guitar riffs. I’m totally on board with that idea.
About ChickyBaby
That last thing you said. That sounds about right….
I’m a teacher, but I’m trying like crazy to not work until the twins hit 1st grade. In Texas, where we will move back after our 2 years in Poland, kindergarten is full-day. I would love one year of ‘idle’ time!
Think of all the naps I could take….
The novels to read…..
Lord, please help me save enough money to stay home that last year. Please. I’ll stop cussing in front of the kids. I’ll clean the toilet with something other than just a paper towel. Whatever you want!!!
Twitter Name: TalkIsPrimary
I would love to have a year of idle time too but I know myself too well to think I’ll let myself be idle for too long. But the dream of it is wonderful, isn’t it?
Twitter Name: chickybaby
My youngest is one year away from being in all-day kindergarten…and my oldest will be 30 this December. You can probably imagine (or calculate) how long I’ve been waiting for “One Day”.
Twitter Name: DizzneeMomma
By my calculations, roughly two thousand years. Right?
Twitter Name: chickybaby
You are correct!
Twitter Name: DizzneeMomma
What I wouldn’t give to be home again and able to write in peace! Of course, I took this part-time job because I really needed to get out of the house while my son was in school, so there’s that.
Twitter Name: msmegan
I was about 2 years away from this but now, with a new baby on the way, I have more time. Not that that was the reason to have another baby. Nope, not at all.
Twitter Name: dorenecc
No of course not. I’m sure your intentions were completely honorable.
Twitter Name: chickybaby
My kids have been in full time school for two years now and I’m still a SAHM. I’ve made babysitting and dogsitting work for now. But eventually I want to get the HECK OUTTA HERE. I get sick of being homebound. What do I do? Things that are impossible to do when my boys are home. Laundry (mounds and mounds), cleaning up, dinner prep, countless phone calls and stacks of paperwork. And I catch up on sleep. Oh daily nap, how I need you. My kid doesn’t sleep well (as in, sleep disorder) so in my case, I count on it to survive. And the husband wants to know when I’m going back to work. Um, never? How about that? Or he can start getting up in the middle of the night.
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
Hell to the yeah, Goddess. My husband sleeps in every day. I want my naps! My boys will never sleep well as far as I can tell.
Twitter Name: TalkIsPrimary
Naps? What are these things called “naps”?
Twitter Name: chickybaby
I spent last year “bORED” yep, I said it, I got bored. My K kid is a full day. I said to self I’d spend the days doing all the things I didn’t do while they were home. I promised myself I’d clean the top of the fridge? yeah I did that the second last day of school so I could sya I did it during hte school year. In September of last year, 1 wk after School started, I became the Avon lady. I told myself I’d do it a year see how it went. It’s great, I feel like I’m “doing” something. This year though the pressure is ot make a steady income. I haven’t worked in 13yrs because I’ve had kids home. 5yrs were because the USA wouldn’t let me have a work visa…, the last 8 were raising of the little Make work projects. I do volunteer at the school now, and am home when the phone rings for sick days or doctor appointment shuffling. I wouldn’t trade those 13yrs “home” for anything. The pressure? it’s still there though.
Clean the top of the fridge? That’s crazy talk.
Twitter Name: chickybaby
My one and only will be in all day 1st grade this fall. I’m going to babysit 2-3 days a week and volunteer at the school and make dinner and clean the house. Maybe even exercise!
I babysit on weekend evenings too, so I feel ok about the money I contribute. My husband doesn’t think I need to go find a job, and I sure as heckfire don’t want to, so that’s the plan for now. :)
Let me get this straight. Other commenters have mentioned babysitting too… So you finally get the kids out of the house and you take in more kids??
Twitter Name: chickybaby
No no no! They don’t come to my house. :) I go to theirs! The little girl that I watch during the day….I take her out and about a lot. Zoo, Museums, parks and the like. It’s so much more fun to be with other people’s kids, let me tell you! There are no things you have to do instead of playing with them. Your only focus is on them. It’s freeing! Makes me feel bad sometimes that I’m not usually that focused on my own though. I really enjoy it!
I think working when the kids are older and are in school is harder than when they were little. What do you do when the kids are sick, braces need adjusting, teachers have a PD, spring break, Christmas break????
I worked full time when the kids were little, took a year off when they were in school, and now I work part time.
Part time with a very understanding boss seems to work best for me.
But I do think whatever choice you make, it’s all hard!!
Schools always need room moms. Also, a lot of moms do part time work as an aide at the school. Then, you’re off when your kids are off, and you still bring in money! :D
Twitter Name: fluteitup
I have been a stay at home mom (for the most part) since my son was born 18 years ago. Have had part time positions and one full time one (that I loved for a year and a half till the company disbanded :(
My husband (a workaholic who cannot say no if $ is involved) is away half the time. Thus my decision to stay home full time for the past few years. Kids appreciate the fact that I am there for them 24/7 (for the most part) and I feel they deserve ONE of us home for them. I am an artist specializing in watercolors, spinning/dyeing/knitting and weaving wool. My earnings? Little!
At times I am resentful though. Former co-workers who worked right through the young child years and are now in management/supervisor positions. Have fulfilling careers, make great money and have that independence. However sometimes I get the impression they envy me who can decide how to spend my day.
If you can afford one of you staying home it is a tough call as to what will make you happy now and in the future.
One thought you might consider is taking the time to upgrade your education,study something you are completely interested in so if you decide to go back to work and seek out a fulfilling career you have the tools..
When my younger daughter started first grade, I started law school. Around the time I graduated and started a full time less flexible job, my husband became the stay-at-home parent – he is a writer, and is available for daytime emergencies, snow days, etc.
And I still have enough flexibility that I was able to come home early yesterday to help my 13yo and her friend put dyed streaks in their hair …
I also produce the school plays, have been a member of the school council, and volunteer at the school in other ways. It was hard to find the volunteer niche that works for someone who works full time, but I managed. And once the kids hit 5th, 6th grade – they don’t want their moms at the school during the day anymore. (But they do still want help dying their hair.)
I basically wrote a response post to this, because it REALLY got me thinking! I am a SAHM now to a 2 year old boy and due with our second boy in October. I have no “fall back” career and haven’t been to college.
Here is the link to my post:
http://notesoflifeandlove.blogspot.com/2011/08/when-kids-are-in-schoola-response-post.html
But basically, I said that I will be going back to college to get a career when the baby turns 2. I want to work part time while they are younger, giving me plenty of stay-at-home days but keeping me with “one foot in the door”, and then when they’re more independent/in school during the day, I want to work full time.
Twitter Name: jessicanotes
I’ve been at home basically the last 10 years and I love it more then mashed potatoes. And I love mashed potatoes. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to continue to stay at home babysitting or something. But to prolong the inevitable I will end up going back to school Maybe I’ll get a Masters. ;) I have no desire to work, no interest in work, nothing I want to be when I grow up.
I will sit. Quietly. With a book that has a vocabulary of over 25 words. With a beverage of some sort that I do not have to share and then remove cracker floaties from. Who knows, sitting might turn into lying down and taking a nap. Or if I’m feeling energetic and frisky, perhaps I’ll get up from my sitting and go to the gym for as long as I want. Maybe I’ll even get my house clean, wouldn’t that be wild?