I have come to accept the fact that my children will never understand the wonders of the Walkman. They will never flip their fingers through roladexes or *gasp* actually remember more numbers than the ones I make them memorize. They will never know the tediousness of folding up a map after you have used it and they will never waste their allowances at the Arcade.
I guess I would actually have to give them an allowance first.
But, anyway.
I know I should be excited for this new world that they live in that is so unlike the one I grew up in not that long ago.
However, as evolved as our world is getting, I must take a stand. Much like Una did involving the ladies’ room.
Lately I have been coming across the following scene more times than I care to count:
I have asked offending parties if there is a reason that they don’t replace the roll and my question is returned with blank stares. Once my 13 year old told me that maybe someone will invent a robot to change the rolls of toilet paper and, call me old fashioned, but there are just some things that robots should be no part of. Two feet from my lady parts with enough dexterity to change a toilet paper roll….no thank you.
I have decided that I will educate our youth in an effort to tackle this ever growing problem. Ready or not.
Step One-Remove the empty toilet paper roll. Most of the time you just push in one side of toilet paper holder and it pops off, like so.
Be careful though, sometimes they shoot off and while I have never had this happen personally, you could injure your eye. If you are concerned about the possibility of eye injury while changing a toilet paper roll I would advise you to wear safety goggles, plus if you invested in safety goggles you would, in theory, want to get your monies worth and change the roll when it was needed.
Step Two-Discard the empty roll (not pictured) and you are left with and empty toilet paper holder.
Step Three-Insert empty toilet paper roll into the fresh toilet paper roll, making sure that you giggle like the 12 year old that you are because you are inserting something into something else.
Step Four-Now here is where it gets tricky. You want to take the roll inserted into the toilet paper holder and insert it into the little hole on the inside of the toilet paper holder holder. (I tried to Google what it is actually called but, well, let’s just say you should never Google anything with the word “toilet” in it if you don’t have to.)
You may need to use two hands as I am an advanced toilet paper changer outer and I was trying to take pictures while changing the toilet paper. Just for informational purposes, you may find that if you ask your husband to take photos of you changing out the toilet paper roll he will wonder what kind of site you work for and why would people want to know such things.
Step Five-Bring up the other side of the roll and gently insert the bump in the hole on the other side of the toilet paper holder holder until you hear a click. I am sure that your inner 12 year old is still laughing, but that’s okay. It’s part of the process.
Then sit back, relax (I hear that relaxing totally helps you go faster) and enjoy the beauty that is a toilet paper holder that actually has toilet paper on it.
And because I love you so much and I don’t want you to look like a dork, please don’t forget to remove the safety goggles, you know if you decided you needed to use them in the first place.
You’re Welcome.
About Heather Durdil
Can you come and hold a workshop for my family please?
This is a pet peeve of mine – I have been known to fling empty loo rolls at heads in moments of frustration.
Twitter Name: WhoaMumma
Workshops….I could make a bundle off of those-whether they worked would be another story.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
That’s a Longaberger basket you got there, isn’t it? My mother sold those for years and years and years, and now I can’t not notice them. It’s like a curse.
LOL, yup it sure is. I have them everywhere. My cousin-in-law used to sell them and I think once I hit a mother load at a garage sale. They are tucked in here and there all over my house.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
LOL.
I actually printed similar instructions and posted them in the bathroom. Did it work? Nope.
Does bribery work?
I haven’t printed instructions yet, but I just might. Also there will be a No Robots Allowed sign as well, you know just in case my 13 year old finds one and decides it needs to change the toilet paper.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
I love your instructions! Unfortunately, the situation in our household is such that I only control my own bathroom and not the guest bathroom. My husband, who does, considers such niceties as using the toilet paper holder too “frou frou” for his tastes and prefers the more rustic, outdoorsy feel of having to chase the roll all over the bathroom floor when you knock it down in the middle of the night. Nevermind that something that has now rolled all over the bathroom floor (in a guys only bathroom, ick!) is going to touch your bare heiny… Well, I’m just glad we don’t share a bath. Such are the joys of having only pets for children.
Fortunately, only his family ever visits and they are well aware of his inability to perform this task. Good on you for trying to teach the youth of today a valuable survival skill :-)
Perhaps if you used took the whole rustic outdoorsy thing to the next level and didn’t let him have toilet paper, but instead left lots of leafy plants in there he would get the hint.
Yeah, probably not.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
My mom has a hand painted sign above the dispenser that said, “Changing the toilet paper roll will not cause brain damage.”
I doubt it got changed more often than it had before, but it made all the adult visitors giggle when they went to the bathroom.
I need a similar sign. Perhaps “I carried and gave birth to you, nurtured you for X amount of years. Surely you can replace a freaking roll of toilet paper?!” In all caps of course. Sigh…
LOL!!
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
Thank you for this. I have offered lessons in changing the rolls but have met with no enthusiasm. Perhaps your tutorial will help because REALLY?!? you cannot put a new toilet paper roll on?!!?
It is clearly an epidemic. I hope if we address this now we can change the future for the better.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
Unfortunately, you left out a VERY important part – the paper must roll from the outside of the roll, not the inside! Otherwise, a fabulous tutorial.
I think I need to just get them to change it. Fine tuning can come later.
Twitter Name: HeadlessMom
I agree!
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
Tess, I knew I liked you. While I agree, the fine tuning can wait until they master the whole changing the roll.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
Don’t even get me started on if they do indeed put on a roll, that they put it on upside down (aka: tp coming from the bottom).
Twitter Name: ascapecodturns
really you are an under and not an over. My sister is an under and while I love her, every time I use the bathroom at her house I switch the roll the “correct” way.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
Wow that’s hilarious! What’s even MORE hilarious, is that someone else did the SAME post back in April if you google it. Lame
I guess great minds think alike. While I can assure you that I did not take someone’s post, this isn’t a unique concept or problem (as seen from the comments left on this post.)
But just to be sure that I don’t upset anyone again, I totally have dibs on Christmas of 2011.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
I’ve got Hanukkah 2011, Heather! Just sayin. ;)
Twitter Name: melisalw
I once counted (including writing inside the roll) the number of times in a row I changed the roll, often just removing it from the side of the tub and adding it to the holder.
I got to 19 and had to quit before I stabbed my husband with the pen.
Twitter Name: therealneeroc
oh my, 19!! you are a better woman than I, my husband would be sporting an eye patch.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire