Photo by whiskymac
Since becoming a mother, I’ve done lots of things that I would have never forecast in my pre-children life. Killing cockroaches with my bare feet, camping in the rain, breastfeeding a four-year-old, using gas station bathrooms, smelling another person’s rear end, carrying a dead bird for two miles out of the forest … the list goes on.
I’m not the only one. Ask any mother you meet and she can list innumerable acts of love she has performed for her children. My friend Juliana takes the cake for the most outrageous act of love I have yet discovered, though. You see, she recently traded a neighbor a homemade carrot cake for a dead beaver head that she planned to decompose so she could give it as a gift to her skull-loving children.
It started years ago when her son Noah was a toddler. A very earthy family, they spent lots of time camping and hiking in the wilderness. As they walked, they would pass the time by collecting treasures. It started out simple. They would fill their pockets with interesting things they found—colorful rocks, feathers, acorns, petrified wood, small fossils, seashells, etc.
One day, while hiking in the sand dunes of West Texas, they came across an intact skull buried in the sand. What a find! Noah was ecstatic. They brought it home and carefully researched what animal it might be. Noah felt like a real skull detective as they sleuthed out the specimen in a dusty old book of animal skeletons.
It was a feral pig. Noah was hooked. And thus, the hunt for skulls began.
The next skull they found was that of a dog in a local forest preserve. Noah’s father, Matt, found it while running and carried it home 17 miles in his pocket to his delighted son. After that, it’s all a blur. Skulls of all kinds of animals were discovered, carefully transported home, identified, and placed in the Skull Hall of Fame (formerly known as the dining room hutch.)
Snapping turtle, snake, coyote, javelina, turtle, frog, cow, bighorn sheep, goat, deer, hummingbird … and that was just the beginning. They became skull connoisseurs. They collected books on skulls and discovered websites like SkullsUnlimited. Juliana and Matt had more children and each one became quickly educated and involved in the family business.
When Matt incorrectly identified a skull they found on a family hike, at the age of three, Micah was able say to his dad, “Pop, that’s SO not a coyote. The eyes are on the side of his head. It’s gotta be a deer or something.”
Recently, a beaver was found destroying the trees on the property of Matt’s parents and their next-door neighbor. The neighbor decided to eliminate the beaver.
When Juliana heard about what was happening, she rushed to the phone. “Could the beaver be put down in a way that would not affect his skull?” she wanted to know. She was willing to offer just about anything in return for a perfect beaver skull. It would make the ultimate Christmas gift for her kids.
The answer was yes. The neighbor remembered that Juliana made a mean carrot cake. He would trade the intact beaver head for a homemade cake. At dusk. On the edge of the property.
The exchange was made. But, of course, the beaver head was fresh. Exceedingly so. Now Juliana had to figure out how to break the head down in a way that wouldn’t cause her to vomit repeatedly, as she was nine months pregnant at the time.
After extensive research on the Internet, she decided against boiling it, hacking at it, or leaving it in a tree to be eaten by birds. She and the children buried it in the yard beside the chicken coop. According to her calculations, nine or ten months from now, natural decomposition will have done the trick—and the beaver skull will be the newest family treasure.
About Naomi De La Torre
that was so oddly fascinating and made me giggle multiple times! Written fantastically!
Twitter Name: demip90x
Thanks so much, Demi!
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Hahahaaha! That was such a hilarious story. The things we do for our kids, right?
Thanks, sweetie. Butt sniffing + decomposing beaver heads = true love.
It all started to go downhill for me when I realized I was willing to taste the food shmears on my babie’s face.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
That’s really gross. And kinda disturbing. But I liked it. You really know how to tell a good story, Naomi.
I could definitley not do the beaver head thang myself. I love my kids but… #notthatmuch #just saying
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
What is it about us moms? We always end up sniffing other people’s rear ends. *sigh*
Butt sniffing beats gas station bathrooms though, in my humble opinion.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Now, THAT is a good mom! On top of that, what a wonderful bartering example for the children too.
I was impressed by the beaver head/carrot cake exchange. My friend Julie is pretty dang clever.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Well at least the thing is buried.. bleh, could have been worse!
A girl in elementary school refused to dissect a baby pig in science. Big school gossip/contraversy. Same girl boiled the flesh off a road kill cat a few years later to make a skeletal model.
Disgusting.
But then I have to wonder IS it so disgusting? We boil the flesh off of chickens and turkeys all the time to make soup. That we EAT.
Ok, skulking off to think about the vegan life style..
Your right. Disgusting really is all relative. I guess it’s all just what you’re used too, huh?
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Yes! And what our culture has deemed normal or not. Tonight there was a dead rat in the yard. I COULD. NOT. shovel it into the bag I brought out. Son had to do it. But there I was barbequing chicken breasts! Weird.
In my experience, it’s the boys who really go for the dead stuff. And the wilderness adventures. Climbing Mt. Washington in the rain, drying out a rattlesnake skin… these are the treasures I would have missed if I didn’t have a son!
Twitter Name: unvarnishedmom
So true. So true. I can’t help but smile when the kids run in from outdoors carrying some half-deteriorated molding thing like it is a golden trophy. “It’s for you, Mom. Don’t you love it???” Yes. Yes I do.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Hello, animal lover here! Wishing they had merely relocated the annoying beaver :(
Twitter Name: Izzymom
We have a pelican head that my husband brought home from the beach decomposing in the front flower bed right now. It’s almost time to dig it up.
I so know what you are talking about.
Twitter Name: carrien_laughs
That’s like, a Queen Mommy right there. And I will happily let her claim her crown. I’ll just do the normal obvious stuff like sniff butts and bake snowman cupcakes for holiday parties at school and stuff. And if my kids ever decide animal skulls is their new thing, I know a fabulous website to send them to. Thank you.
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
I’m okay being a bad mother who does not decompose stuff in the yard. I have to draw the line somewhere, and I think “decomposition” is it. This was funny, mildly disturbing and – as a mother – kind of sweet. The things we do… It’s so true that we find ourselves frequently thinking, “Well, that’s a first (and, hopefully, a last!).”
My 5-year-old did ask to dig up our deceased dog so he could see what happened to her. I opted to *not* explain what happens during cremation, which is what we chose for the dog. Instead, I told him we could not exhume her, because digging up the dead is disrespectful. Dodged that conversation, at least until he decides to bring it up again. Which he will.
Twitter Name: Missy_Stevens