Hi, my name is Becky and I am going bald.
(hi Becky!)
When my neurologist put me on a new medication for my migraines, he was all, “blah blah blah, side effects, blah blah blah, liver failure, blah blah blah, death.” I didn’t really start listening until he brought up baldness. As a side effect.
I trundled out of there, prescription in hand, and figured, “eh, what’s the likelihood of ME going BALD? I mean, I have to get my hairs THINNED when I go to the salon. I will totally not go bald. Liver failure…maybe. Baldness never.”
I should really shut my own whore mouth.
A couple of weeks ago, my hair started falling out. Now, my hair is black (and kickily white in places), so I don’t have the luxury of being a bald blonde. At least if I were BLONDE, the baldness might go semi-unnoticed.
But no, I go into the shower, wash my hairs and handfuls of the stuff falls out. It’s embarrassing and more than a little shameful. I suddenly get why Rogaine is so freaking popular.
I’d love to be all, FUCK IT and cut my hair into an adorable pixie cut while it grows back, but I tried that once. And when I say I can’t pull it off, I mean it. I look like Pinhead. Or Pinhead’s uglier sister, Aunt Becky.
I kinda wish I could, though, because I see people with those short adorable pixie cuts and covet them. I covet them so much that I kind of want to take them home with me and make them my best friend. Just because they can pull off the adorable pixie cut.
And hell, my hatred of going bald even has a practical side: it would be a lot easier to clean up short hairs than it is my long-ass hair, which are clogging up my beloved vacuums. Trust me when I say that there is little more that I love than my vacuums. So the thought of breaking one devastates me ALMOST as much as going bald.
I keep looking for the upside as I stare into the mirror all Eye Of The Tiger style. Upsides like, “at least I’ll be cooler in the summer,” but it’s August, or “baldness looks good on you, really it does,” as I give myself the thumbs-up, but the mirror tells me otherwise. Going half-bald makes me look scraggly and (more) unkempt.
So I did what any vain blogger who spends more time in front of her computer than with actual people would do. I went back to my doctor and whined, “I’m going bald.” He promptly put me on another drug, which meant that my migraines came back with a vengeance.
I suppose this is the price of beauty.
Because while bald may be beautiful on other people, I am not other people. I look like a drowned sewer rat.
Oh well. I guess the upside is that I can get a number of kicky wigs in the meantime. I’m thinking a nice Dolly Parton wig might cheer me up right about now. Or a bald-Britney pink one. I bet I could pull that off with no trouble.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to find myself a nice wig. Or a weave. Or a wig with a weave. Or that Boba Fett helmet. I don’t know how these things work, but I intend to find out.
About Aunt Becky
I also have unbelievably thick hair that constantly needs to be thinned and I lose hair like you wouldn’t believe. Seriously, I could make a full wig by the end of the week!
Here’s hoping your hair grows back soon!
Twitter Name: Anne54304
Can you grow ME a wig?
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
I can knit you a little beanie cap to cover your bald head and you can just pretend you’re being some sort of hipster.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
I would love that SO HARD.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Bald is beautiful, no?
Well there’s always medicinal marijuana for your migraines, right? No side effects there, except the possible weight gain because of a killer case of the munchies and being a slacker, but that’s all worth it for beautiful hair, I think.
Twitter Name: hippobrigade
OOOOH. Medical Mary-J? WIN!
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
fuck that shit, becky. cut it. start a revolution.
Twitter Name: mybottlesup
You just want to laugh at my fug bald head.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
I totally think you need to buy a purple wig and I’ve found 3 for you to chose from…
1) the Lady Gaga purple wig
2) this black and purple punk wig
3) this purple bob wig
Twitter Name: dragondream
OOOOOOH! Pretty!
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Have you tried huge doses of vitamin b2 for the migraines? I didn’t think it would work at all, but it kind of does. Talk to your doc.
Twitter Name: prettybabes
I should try that. I take some nasty stuffs now.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Topamax?
If so: I read about it and was terrified, since my hair is baby fine and thin. I watched the short like a hawk but since I dye my hair and it comes out in handfuls when I do that too it was hard to tell.
I’ve been on it two years and I still have my hair. No noticeable difference, as it turns out. Whatever it was doing evened out, like the tingling and stupemax stuff.
Twitter Name: Sickerthnothers
Bwahahaha. Dopamax? I take Carbitrol. It was actually Depakote, which is an off-label use for it.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Ah, depakote. Well, it’s good that you didn’t have to stay on it anyway. It’s a lot of maintenance bloodwork and liver cleansing work down the line. (they’re all bad for our livers though. sigh.)
Twitter Name: Sickerthnothers
I know they are. Isn’t that depressing?
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Oh honey I so feel your pain. My hair inexplicably fell out by the handful when I was 14. They never did discover why. It was so bad I could fit my entire ponytail into one of those mini hair ties usually reserved for baby hairs.
Lucky this was at the time that those clip in ponytail things were littering every booth at every mall in America… or at least the midwest. I wore that thing for months until my hair started growing back in.
Again, for no apparent reason.
Here’s hoping your side effect is not a long lasting one. But if it is, I’m sure you could pull off some sort of pixie cut. Probably better than wearing what amounts to a small woodland animal glued to a banana clip.
Twitter Name: skywaitress
BWAHAHAHAHAHA. The woodland animal might be cute!
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
That sucks. Hair is a vulnerable thing for people, especially women. I lost the majority of my eyebrows when I miscarried-awesome. I will agree that is sucks big balls.
I hope your hair comes back and the migraines leave you alone.
Twitter Name: bygollymsholly
It really is a vulnerable thing. I hate leaving trails of hairs everywhere I go.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Oh Becky, I hope you get something sorted.
Twitter Name: penbleth
Girl, me too. Me fucking too.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Yeah, I totally could not pull off the bald thing either, and my hair is already really thin, and blond! I don’t even like the way I look in a ponytail, so I would totally hate bald.
I get the migraines, but not constantly like you, so I can empathize a little, but that’s gotta suck. Hope you and the doc can figure it out.
I do too, man. They’re a bitch.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
As someone who is losing her hair at an alarming rate due to a severe case of low ferritin (your body’s iron stores), I can sympathize more than you know. I’m also extremely vain and cannot imagine my life without my hair, although if this keeps up, I may not have to imagine it. I hope you find a better medication. Or magically stop having migraines. Something. Hugs from your sister in hair loss XO
Twitter Name: Izzymom
It’s extremely frustrating. Like REALLY frustrating. And embarrassing. I hate it.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
As a wig aficianado, I highly recommend them, but they do cause more hair to fall out, they’re hot and you need a wig-cap to protect your scalp. That being said, they’re awesome. If your hair falls out from the crown outward you can buy small falls or fake ponytails that are way less uncomfortable. Or hats. This is the perfect opportunity to find out what kind of hat works for you. I’m a big fan of the cloche. Also, scarves. Although you will get some “I’m sorry about your cancer stares”. Which is fine because they’re often accompanied with “Please take my seat” and “Would you like a donut”.
Scratches wigs off the list. Hm. Perhaps a nice headdress. Or I could really just shave it off. (strongly considering).
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka
Oh i’ve been there! I’ve always had my hair thinned when the weight of it started giving me headaches. Then my last drug changed all that. My friends went from “don’t worry, you have plenty and you’ll never notice” to “wow, you really have lost a lot of hair!”. Bitches!!
I spent a lot of time shopping at bondiband.com but never did give in to wigs. I’m sure most people who had to look at me wish i would have. I do NOT do short hair well. It’s now growing back (no idea why since i’m still on the drug) and it’s coming in curly. I’m like a 6ft poodle with a bad cut. I can send you pics if it’ll make you feel better about yourself.
Aw girl. We should start a club.
Twitter Name: mommywantsvodka