My lunch break commenced as usual; getting the hell out of the office. I work dangerously close to a mall and like 47,528 other tempting places to spend money. This generally makes my decision of what to do for my break pretty easy: I shop. Anywhere. Even at Wal-Mart if if gets me out of here.Today, I decided to cruise on over to IKEA, the super awesome store that makes you feel like a trendy European while selling all things inexpensive. I make my way through the store, telling myself, “Next time, I’m totally getting that entire bedroom set…maybe on tomorrow’s lunch break, or like next week sometime when I can bring my boyfriend with me.” I put off the bedroom set this time, though, and grab a three-dollar rug, some drawer organizers, and a twenty-dollar high chair to keep at my mom’s place.Then I head for the self check out line. Where I wait. And wait. And.wait.It’s finally my turn, and with my arms full of stuff I don’t really need, I take my place at one of the registers. As I begin scanning my precious yet totally cheap items, I hear, “Excuseme!”I look to my immediate right, and there is an irate woman with neon orange hair standing ALL up in my personal space.
“I’m next in line,” she yells.
People are staring.
I reply (because I totally don’t know how to react to confrontation) “Uh, no sorry.”
She shoots back, “REALLY??”
At this point I’m thinking, First of all lady, I’m here, I’m scanning my shit, back the hell out of my area. And second of all, I didn’t cut you. And third of all, even if I did, I certainly didn’t do it maliciously and your reaction is WAY out of line.
But all I can say is, “Yup.”
Which obviously wasn’t a good enough answer for her, because she feels the need to stand right there within inches of me. Still in my space. Telling me to hurry up.
So what do I do?
The only logical thing I can possibly think of, TAKE MY GOOD OLD TIME WITH A SMIRK ON MY FACE. I just about saw steam shooting out of her ears, and I enjoyed every second of it.
I don’t think that the IKEA people back in Sweden would have been too pleased with Neon Orange Hair’s attitude, either. They probably would have told her to light one of their candles and relax on one of their couches.
I, on the other hand, wanted to tell her to take that curtain rod out of her ass.
But, you know, life moves on, it’s a line in a store.
Alexandra just began blogging earlier this month, but she loves sarcasm and witty humor.She is a recent college grad and a full-time working mother of one living in Pittsburgh, Pa. She also loves candle-lit dinners, and long walks on the beach.
About Guest Writer
Good for you!!
Interesting how she was allegedly next and yet was NOT in the spot where you scan shit.
Twitter Name: Izzymom
exactly. nailed it.
Twitter Name: PerpetuallyKate
THIS.
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
And because you didn’t get all up in her face and further escalate the situation, she was the only one who looked crazy. Good job!
Twitter Name: writemindwriter
Haha, I did that the other day at the grocery store! A lady giving off that ‘I’m important and can’t wait’ vibe tried to cut me in line for the self scanner… so I paid for my four dollar total with coins… mostly pennies. Petty? Yes. Fun? Also yes!
I know Dane Cook is so five (maybe more?) years ago, but he does have a hilariously accurate bit about “cut-sies”. I think the line is that if your shoes are in line but you’re in the pantene aisle looking at magazines, you’re not in line. YouTube it. It’s funny.
You know how to stare, right? I had someone do that to me once, so I just stared them down. Didn’t smile or smirk or frown, just looked at them until they backed up a few feet. No words. Just my icy gaze. Maybe just a hint of a quizzical look, as if I were wondering if we spoke the same language.
Works every time . . .
Twitter Name: thecheekofgod
Alexandra: what’s the link to your *new* blog? are you on twitter? I’d love to read more of your writing!
Twitter Name: PerpetuallyKate
it’s http://oneofthosecoolmoms.blogspot.com/
Thanks for your interest!!
Gotta watch those oranged haired ladies. There crazy man.
Twitter Name: tulsaartspot
They’re, I mean.
Twitter Name: tulsaartspot