Y’all, my baby is talking! Okay, she’s 2 and a half and sleeps through the night so technically she’s not a “baby” anymore but whatevs.
She’s speaking in complete sentences! Okay, her “sentences” usually consist of two to six words but whatevs.
The words she uses are prolly super advanced! Which is so good especially since she has a mother who says things like “prolly” and a father that frequently uses the term “pecker slap” in everyday conversations.
She’s in that stage where she is pointing at objects and saying, “Whuzzat?” over and over again. (Translation: “What’s that?”)
It goes something like this: ”Whuzzat, mommy?” “That’s an airplane.” “Oh, wight. Airpane.”
Most of the time I can understand what she’s saying but that’s because I am around her all day long. I have to translate most of her jibberish for other people she attempts to talk to. For example…
“Yuh yekkim” = You’re welcome.
“Oh, sank yew” = Thank you.
“Skewskeee!” = Excuse me. (She’s nothing if not polite).
“Dah-yee” = Daddy.
“Yemens!” = Lemons. (Does that make her a racist?)
“Buhjynee” = Vagina (We use proper terminology in this house. Well, we encourage HER to use proper terminology. Zack and I say dick and cooter like normal adults).
Speaking of dicks, the other day Ruby casually sauntered into the bathroom just as Zack was exiting the shower. She curiously looked up, pointed at his wang and exclaimed, “Ooo Dah-yee! Whuzzaaat?!”
Zack just stood there in shock. So all that came out of his mouth was, “uhhhhh, umm.”
And without missing a beat she declared, “It’s a baby!” And then she asked, “Whuzz it doin’?”
I was not present during this momentous exchange, mind you. If I had been, I bet I would’ve cackled so loud the donkeys across the street would’ve started hee-hawing like they do when they hear an ambulance go by.
From what I gather, he gently ushered her out of the door in order to avoid having to talk about his junk. He didn’t want to teach her the word penis yet. Mostly because she hasn’t learned the meaning of the word discretion.
As soon as he told me what happened, I wanted to start telling people because that’s what I do… I share. Sharing is caring.
I am writing this post right now with his permission to spread it around to a ja-billion people on the internets because it implies that his manhood is the size of a baby.
For the record, I have no complaints about the size of his “baby.”
I like it.
I like it a lot.