Scratched “Circles” Names From My Google+ Account

There’s this new social media platform out called Google +.  It’s like Facebook, but way better.

How is it better?

Well, as far as I know, and you should be warned, I don’t know much about it at all, it’s better because if you use Google + instead of Facebook, you’re never going to be in the awkward situation that arises when a woman you’re friends with on Facebook does something totally horrible and evil and you call her out in a Facebook update without using her name and then she calls you and is all, “Why are you trashing me on Facebook?”

And then you’re all, “Because you’re evil.”

And then she’s all, “Well, you’re evil because you don’t have the guts to say that crap to my face.”

And you’re all, “That’s an excellent point, but I still hate you.”

And she’s all, “Fine.”  And you’re all, “Whatever.”  And then there’s a series of unfriendings that occur throughout your network. 

Most, thankfully, do not result in your being unfriended, but still elicit copious amounts of guilt because your drama leaked all over other people’s shoes.  Plus you feel bad because you know you’re missing out on basking in the self righteousness of knowing that had it not been for that one update, the sort of which you never write anyway, you would be completely in the right and a paragon of class and integrity for all the world to admire and worship.

Not that I know anything about that.  That was all hypothetical.

I’m just saying, hypothetically, Google + can help you avoid that because it has the feature called “Circles.”  It’s a way of grouping your social media associates by category so that you can choose what you want to share and who you want to share it with.

While this is an excellent feature, it’s also rife with complications if not used wisely.

You could potentially end up with three categories with fifty million people a piece in them and what’s the point of even having a circle then?  Or, worse, you’re going to end up with fifty million circles with three people each in them.

Also, if you know 150 million people on Google +, please add me.  You’re totally popular!

In the end, I kept my “Circles” simple by basing them on a personal code for how not to name them.  (Presented here along with rationale for your reading pleasure):

1.    Don’t be mean, who you are on the Internet is who you are in real life
2.    Don’t be too specific, categories with too few people will defeat the purpose of disseminating information
3.    Don’t be too general, categories with too many people will inhibit filtering information

Work, Family, Friends, Bloggers, Acquaintances and Potential Stalkers.

That’s what I came up with after applying these simple rules.  After you introduce me to your 150 million associates, I’ll be able to take over the world via Google + in no time.  There will be no unfriendings and everyone will have an unlimited supply of cupcakes.  What’s not to love?

Here’s a list of names that didn’t pass the criteria, along with why they were rejected.

• Our Kids Like Each Other.  Me?  I Can Take Or Leave You (Too General)

• Our Kids Are Lukewarm To Each Other, But I Love You More Than Pizza (Too Specific)

• I Know You Hate Me, And Only Pretend To Be Nice To Me (Too Specific)

• People I’m Too Scared To Ignore (Too General)

• Hated Me In High School (Too General)

• Lactose Intolerant (Too Specific)

• Humans (Too General)

• My Cat (Too Specific)

• My Friends Hate You, But I think You’re Okay (Too General)

• I Can’t Stand You, But My Friends Seem To Like You (Too Specific)

• Jon Stewart (I’m thinking of adding this one back in)

• Could Possibly Introduce Me to Jon Stewart (This one, too)

• Know Where Jon Stewart Lives and Wouldn’t Mind Committing a Felony (Okay, yeah, these are definitely going back in.)

What about you?  Any discarded Google+ “Circles” names you care to share?