Last Saturday night, Aiming Low teamed up with the Wine Sisterhood to throw a party at the Type A Parent Conference in Asheville.
AND SOME OF YOU WERE THERE!
It made me happy in my pants place to see some of the faces behind the names. And can I just say?
You all smell wonderful.
Earlier that day Cecily asked me if I would write her twitter name on her chest like a tattoo. So I did. She took a picture of it and then tried to fool her 17 thousandy hundred followers on twitter into thinking that it was real. I don’t think she fooled anybody. Cecily’s homies ain’t a bunch of fools.
I decided to keep doing that at the party. So I did. I started writing on people. @JuliaRoberts1… @Frelle… @InsertCoolCuteCleverLiquorBloggerName.
Then after consuming a couple Smurftinis and 3 cocktail wieners wrapped in dough, I thought I would kick that shit up a notch or two.
I started writing fake names on people. I think the first one was @kissmybhole. Then there was @crotchmonkey and then this one:
boobie photo courtesy of @goodgirlgonered
and of course this one
People were laughing so hard at each other. I was afraid (and strangely excited) about the possibility of someone puking up Merlot or sharting violently from all the delicious, fiber packed WhoNu cookies.
It was the most fun I have ever had in my entire life that day.
I got to look at a lot of you in your dilated pupils.
I got to see a little bit of your naughty side. (I get the feeling that some of you are freaky monkeys in the bedroom. Ain’t no shame, y’all).
I got to be eye level with your nipples and your b-holes and your stretch marks.
I even got to rest my arm on your breasticles while I wrote in permanent marker on your bare skin, risking the chance that your child may read it the next day and ask you, “Mommy, what’s a dirty sanchez?” (That actually happened to someone, by the way. Her name rhymes with Vanissa and dirty sanchez was her idea).
I was the one having the most fun. My heart was filled with glee and confetti and shit. And it wasn’t just because I could technically say that I got to 2nd base with a handful of you. That alone is something to be proud of right there. (OMG! Handful! Get it?)
It was because I had the opportunity to get all up in yo’ grill and meet some of you fabulous Internet people for the first time, when our paths may not have crossed otherwise.
So, thank you @benmeovah and @clitsRus and @pullmyhairz and @ihavehugetits and @dewmehard and @suckmynuts and @bootyluvr and @wetandwildgrrl and @olddirtybastard and @vaginaaahhhh and @penisbreath and #itisHUGE (to name a few) for allowing me that great joy.
And thank you to those whose fake names I shall not reveal due to potential incrimination. You know who you are. I respect and understand your need to conceal.
Times like these remind me of what my Memaw used to say, “Get a little tipsy, eat wieners, love people, use your potty mouth for good and always carry a big ass Sharpie.”
About Robin Plemmons
This needs to become your shtick! Start giving people’s blogs fake twitter names!
Twitter Name: DrCynicism
I might be doing it again at another large blogging-type party sometime in the near future!
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Damn…I’m sorry I missed it although I’m scared to ask what my new name would be. And if you plan to tell me anyway…BE KIND!
Twitter Name: izzymom
Oh, I’ve got one for you, woman. NO KINDNESS ALLOWED.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
That name sucks!
Twitter Name: izzymom
I have the best pics of mine that say @DirtyCanchez (look it up), @DeezNut, @Bacon and @Asshole! You were so fun!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Next time I’m attacking your forehead. If anyone can pull that shit off, it’s you.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
I don’t know who I love more – you or your Memaw.
Twitter Name: lceel
You should love Memaw more. Mainly because she makes a mean pot roast.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Love, Love, LOVE! You are awesome and I can’t wait until we can do this again! ;)
Twitter Name: CheleChestnut
YOU’RE awesome, Chele. I hope I get my hands on you again soon.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
I love you and my new twitter handle. #thatisall
Twitter Name: highimpactmom
Yours is one of my favorites ever. EVERRR.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Dammit. And this is the conference I was supposed to go to. le Sigh. Damn dead grammas and moms who end up in ICUs. Sheesh. Sooooo inconvenient.
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
Gah. How inconsiderate! Hopefully I’ll get to write dirty shit on your body in the future. Let’s make that happen, k?
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
You are hysterical-and I love you lots and lots! and…..I am so happy that you almost got to second base with me! :)
I was pretty dang close, Elizabutt. ;)
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
I’m sorry I went upstairs before this happened, although I’m not sure what I would’ve had for my fake name. Most of those are too much for my “delicate sensibilities.” LOL. I suppose @freakymonkey would’ve worked for me though. ;-)
Twitter Name: CutestKidEver
I definitely was keeping it PG for those with “delicate sensibilities.” I wanted to be mindful to those who requested it. :)
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Absolutely loved it all. Loads of fun and your talent did not go wasted on the boobs, legs and so-forth of the attendees!
Twitter Name: goodgirlgonered
So glad I had the opportunity to get up close with you, Andrea. And thank you for the photo! The caption credit didn’t show up earlier but I fixed it!
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
It was the MOST fun.
Love, @luvsgoldenshowers
Twitter Name: jana0926
It was the best night of Type A for sure. Even though I didn’t take advantage of your talented pen I still feel like we bonded over deep stuff that night. Love you, babe. :)
Like Lolli and Christina, I have a touch of the “delicate sensibilities” but I had lots o’ laughs reading the tats on my blogging brethren. Truly a highlight of that night!
Aaaah, I got a giant kick out of this. I still remember @pullmyhairz’s face when she showed me hers. And mine? Hysterical (though I shall not say it in print). Hehe.
Twitter Name: adventuroo
This was an absolutely hilarious way to end an awesome time at Type A! I have nothing but respect for you and your, um, tattoo artistry! Let’s do it again next year! Yee haw!
Twitter Name: TechSavvyMama
The twinkle in your eye when you asked “Are you up for anything?” told me we were in for a fun night. I was right.
XXO
@kissmybhole
Twitter Name: brigidday
I still want to contact the person who owns the name you gave me and take it from them. No one else should own @pullmyhair, damnit.
Twitter Name: MamaOfAllTrades
This makes me all wiggly & shit and I wasn’t even there. You’d remember 2nd base with me, darlin. My canvas smells nice.
Twitter Name: rajean Blomquist
You mentioned sharting in a post – that made my day!
Twitter Name: styxx374
I was so proud to get the @vaginahhh tattoo and shared it with everyone. I was also quite drunk so im glad i had photographic memories of that.
Twitter Name: notthecar
Great website! I am loving it!! Will be back later to read some more. I am taking your feeds also
BEST tagline ever
“Get a little tipsy, eat wieners, love people, use your potty mouth for good and always carry a big ass Sharpie.”
Twitter Name: gdrpempress