I recently just survived threw my daughter’s fifth birthday party. 
I knew we were at last at that age where she was going to begin having birthday party memories, so I wanted it to be special. But I also wanted it to be reasonable. We’re not even in the same neighborhood as rich – hell, not even the same friggin’ STATE as rich – so we didn’t want to spend a lot of dough in the process. Luckily, we’re members of our local YMCA so we got a great rate on a tumble party. Perfect, right?
Then, the panic started setting in.
Favors.
The cake.
Snacks.
Games.
What to do?
When I started asking around on twitter and Facebook, HOLY GOD, the lengths people go to for birthday parties!
We once went to a party for a one year old and there was face painting, THREE very large jumpy things, and for God’s sake, FUCKING PONIES. Even a friend of mine, fairly low key, had a birthday party with three different crafts, a piñata, face painting, and gift bags heavier than the present we brought for the birthday kid.
PEOPLE. This is crazy!
I know there are some people – wonderful, talented, gifted people – that enjoy creating a tapestry out of a party with themes and crafts and favors. More power to those people! But dudes, I am not those people. I am what is fondly called a crafting black hole. Seriously, I cannot do crafts. I suck at them, and I hate them, so I’ll never get any better.
My daughter is growing up without any crafts at her parties. Not gonna happen.
So I decided to go more low key. No favors and I warned the parents of the kids coming in advance that there wouldn’t be any. No crafts. No snacks, even, just juice boxes and birthday cake. I did plan the day, however, so that the kids has at least an hour of play time POST cake so they wouldn’t be still pumped up full of sugar when they went home.
See? I can play nice.
Here’s the thing, though. Why do we do it? Why do we go crazy? I’ve spoken with literally hundreds of other parents and they all universally HATE goody bags and party favors. Seriously, over 90% of people told me that they throw the candy and toys away when they get home.
Holy crap. I saw those favors at the store. EXPENSIVE TRASH.
Even with my low key party, I paid $125 for the space and a tumble instructor; $20 in balloons, $15 for napkins/plates/forks, $10 in juice boxes, $12 for some Japanese yo-yos, and $40 for the cake (no, I don’t bake; see black hole mentioned above). That’s well over $200 for a kid’s party.
Yowch.
So here’s what I propose, people! Screw it all! Let’s throw old school parties! All you need is:
• cake mix, two boxes, and a big pan
• a can of frosting
• candles
• balloons you blow up yourself and then rub on your head to make them stick to the walls with static
• juice boxes (dude, don’t throw the baby out with the bath water, juice boxes rule).
Add backyard.
DONE.
Stop the craziness, I beg you.
About Cecily Kellogg
You’ve just described the parties I through pretty much every year. In the past, we’ve bought pinatas but not always. We have a bucket full of boy type dress up stuff including toy sword, nerf dart guns, capes, and armor. And, if you ever feel the need for a favor, pick up a cheap 6 pack of boys white undershirts, a pack of t-shirt transfer paper for your printer, and find some cool clipart and, voila, you have personalized birthday t-shirts.
Twitter Name: dragondream
I completely agree that parents go overboard on parties. We have a very tight budget right now and can not afford to go crazy like that even if we wanted to. I have hesitated to take my kids to some of the parties they have been invited to because I know they will expect the same kind of think when their party comes around.
I don’t think it is just birthdays, I think as a society we put too much stress on the things that are not important…THINGS. We have had a lot of very fun birthday parties at parks and playgrounds with cupcakes and lemonade. The kids have always had a lot of fun and have never said anything negative. We have also just had kids over to our house and let them play outside in the sprinkler for parties. My oldest will be 7 and she is starting to have more elaborate plans or requests for her next party. Kids are easily entertained with cardboard boxes and very simple inexpensive activities. Its the adults that lose perspective and go crazy.
I just cleaned out Fred Sanford’s Junkyard this weekend (oops, I mean my daughter’s bedroom) and realized that she has more toys than any 5yo girl needs. Same with my son. I’m contemplating asking their friends to bring nonperishable food items for the local food pantry which services several families, including 37 homeless children in our very own affluent school district (we are not a part of the affluent). By the way, the worst debris in organizing her piles of crap, was the debris that came from birthday party favor bags. I hate those little suckers!!!
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
Best birthday party we’ve thrown has been a slip n slide in the back yard, filled up the kiddie pool, sand in the sandbox, water balloons, squirt guns, grilled food, and beer(for the adults). My older son’s June birthday makes having a cookout backyard party easy, and everyone loves it. The younger one with a November birthday will be more challenging as he gets older unless I can convince him to celebrate his half birthday in May.
Twitter Name: householdsix
I’ve come to dread planning my kids’ birthday parties. The themes, the party crap you have to buy, the goody bags (which I’ve done away with), the stupid coordinating invitations and thank you cards, helium balloons. There’s an entire industry built on this madness.
Twitter Name: izzymom