photo courtesy of khloekardashian.celebuzz.com
Have you been Keeping Up With Kardashians? What’s that you say? You try and stay away from fake-y TV that glorifies bratty behavior, bountiful backsides and flagrant whining? How could you?!
You’re a terrible American.
Luckily for all of us, I have done my fair share of watching this shit. When I have the time to sit in front of the boob tube, I gravitate towards train wreck TV. I can’t turn away. It’s so bad, it’s good.
If you’re a sucker for stupid, like me, you’ve probably heard about Khloe Kardashian’s new fragrance that she made with her husband, Lamar Odom. If you haven’t, go ahead and watch their cheesy ass commercial below. BONUS: they’re half naked. (You may or may not consider this as a “BONUS”).
Of course they whored themselves out on their own reality show aptly named “Khloe and Lamar.” They went on and on about how much they loved cologne while making out and speaking in baby talk on the bathroom floor.
This got me thinking. If my husband Zack and I created our own unisex fragrance, what would it smell like?
What do WE smell like?
I started a list.
Our fancy ass perfume/cologne would have hints of:
- Saw dust
- Little Debbie Fudge Rounds
- Yuengling
- Warm crotch
- Target brand baby wipes
- Black Sharpie
- Farts
- Chartreuse spray paint
- Boob sweat with a touch of Stella McCartney perfume
- Thrift store
- Hot dogs
- Preparation H
- Cheap vodka
- Anguish
- Mountain dew (actual dew not the soda)
- Old Spice After Hours deodorant
- Hairy belly button lint
- Lavender Aveeno lotion
- Fromunda cheese
- Lust
- Juicy peaches
- Cinnamon Teddy Grahams
- Curdled milk in a sippy cup
- Pick up trucks
- & joy
Sounds super appealing, doesn’t it?
I bet if this scent was bottled, it would make everyone who wears it very desirable to every person.
Or at the very least, it would attract wild boars to mate. Either way, it’s a success!
Khloe and Lamar named their scent “UNBREAKABLE” because I guess their love is strong or something. Whatevs.
We could name ours “UNHUMPABLE.”
It’s like using reverse psychology! See how smart we are?
I even came up with a rough draft of what the bottle could look like.
I think I’m on to something. NOBODY STEAL MY IDEA, OKAY?
UNHUMPABLE will sweep the nation! We will all smell like shit and we will like it!
About Robin Plemmons
If it is wrong to actually want a bottle of “Unhumpable” then I don’t wanna be right.
You will smell like shit AND YOU WILL LIKE IT.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
You didn’t mention where this fragrance could be purchased? I’m hoping for a low-class gas station near me. One-stop shop baby! Cheez balls, slush puppie, gas, and Unhumpable! Aww yeah!
Right next to the Axe body spray & Ding Dongs, babeeee.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
This is gag-me funny. Like gag me with a cheesy commercial. My fav is your bottle design. Spritz from the nipple. I’m all in. Next you can design a hand pump penis body foam version. Let’s partner. Or would that be hump?
Twitter Name: rajean Blomquist
Hand pump penis body foam version??? That would be incrediball, Rajean.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
This is hilarious! Unhumpable! You’re cracking me up.
I’ve only seen their show once, but when I can, I do watch the Kardashians.
Color me stupid, I probably smell stupid too.
Twitter Name: Janie Snelson
What does stupid smell like? Cheez Whiz?
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
I am pretty sure that a contest to make an Unhumpable video would be about the most awesome thing EVER!
I don’t want to do a video or anything, I am just the idea girl.
Twitter Name: StacieinAtlanta
Oh and P. freakin’ S. Robin, I find you to be the most humpable women I know! Just sayin’
Twitter Name: StacieinAtlanta
Shit and by women I meant *woman – no more beer for me. Damn it.
Twitter Name: StacieinAtlanta
And now I have started a whole damn conversation with myself. Pretty damn embarrassing. Although it is kind of like just being at home.
Twitter Name: StacieinAtlanta
I am totally UNHUMPABLE. Yep.
Twitter Name: StacieinAtlanta
Unhumpable has an amazing effect on people Stacie, it’s not your fault.
Twitter Name: katjapresnal
Y’all. These comments just made my morning. I’ll see if I can coax my husband into at least a naked piggyback photo. That sounds do-able.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Don’t all parents smell unhumpable most of the time? I’m not so sure you have to bottle it but I do love your bottle design, maybe you could use it for something else…like a boob lifting or firming cream?
Sometimes, a little episode of Kardashians (any of them) is good for the soul.
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
HOLD UP. They make boob lifting cream?!?!?!?! I’m gonna need summa dat.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
On no! Sorry to get you excited! I was just thinking of things we could use, that would look great in that bottle! Not that unhumpable isn’t great, mind you, it’s just that I carry most of the smells on me without help from a bottle…
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
Hahaha! That is hilarious!! I needed that this morning!
Twitter Name: CheleChestnut
Aww, Chele! Now that we’ve met I can actually picture & hear your laugh in my head. That’s so fun.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Oh you make me smile! :)
Twitter Name: CheleChestnut
You complete me.
Twitter Name: crazyadventures
You make me gassy. Not really, I just typed the first thing that came to mind.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Unhumpable, for married couples everywhere.
Meanwhile, 16 watched the advert with me and decreed, “divorced next week.”
Twitter Name: penbleth
Put me down for a bottle. Eh, make it two.
Twitter Name: goodgirlgonered