I’m not going to lie. I’m not the greatest housekeeper. My toilets don’t get scrubbed every day. My bathroom floor is often covered in a layer of sand and grit tracked in from our backyard. My fan blades and window panes regularly wear fur coats.
The dust bunnies under my couch are inbreeding and seem to have morphed into dust goats. If you open my bedroom closet, you may or may not be engulfed and then suffocated by an avalanche of shoes, purses and balled up underwear. But even though I may not be a fastidious housekeeper, neither would I expect my home to become the nexus of the Flypocalypse.
Let me explain.
Recently we began to notice that a few flies had taken residence in our kitchen. At first I was unconcerned. A few flies never hurt anyone.
Or did they?
A few weeks went by. One night, I went to water the houseplants in our kitchen windowsill. I opened the curtains and a hideous swarm of flies flew out nearly knocking me to the floor.
It was at that point that I accepted the fact that the flies had become “a problem.”
Later that night, as I was sleeping peacefully in my bed, I was awakened by my husband just after 1 am. I opened my eyes with a start to find him standing over me, his eyes beady and wild. He began to speak, his face no more than two inches from my own. “Naomi,” he panted, still clutching the fly swatter in his shaking hand. “I just killed over 100 flies in our kitchen alone. Get ready. Because the Flypocalypse has begun.”
The next morning I went into the kitchen expecting the fly population to be drastically reduced. But when I opened the curtains, flies swarmed out by the dozens.
I grabbed a flyswatter, determined to unleash my wrath against the flies. After 45 minutes of using my heroic ninja fly fighting skillz, I was able to further reduce the fly population by another 6 flies.
I sat down at the table, exasperated. A fly landed on my nose. I think I might have even heard him laugh at me.
I became convinced that the flies must be breeding somewhere in our house. But where? According to an article I found on the internet, flies like to breed in one of the following places:
- Garbage
- Human waste
- Animal waste
- Decaying flesh
And while I’d like to assume I don’t have any of these things just lying around in my home, considering the fact that I once found a rotting plum inside my bookshelf that by the time I had discovered it had already grown a thick layer of furry green flesh and legs, I figured I should probably think each option through:
- Garbage: While I must admit that I have found little storehouses of petrified cheese sticks and half-eaten yogurt tubes under the couch in the past, I did a thorough cleaning last weekend and am fairly certain we can rule out this possibility.
- Human Waste: Yes, my son Diego did go through a stage where he seemed to take immense pleasure in pooping in our potted plants, but I do believe we have now moved on from that.
- Animal Waste: As far as I know, we do not have any animals living in our home. *she said while crossing her fingers*
- Decaying Flesh: With the exception of my fungus toe and the lunches I make for my husband that he neglects to eat and which then grow 18 colors of mold in their Tupperware containers before he decides to bring them home, I don’t think there are any other sources of decaying flesh in our house.
I was stumped. But then I read on to find that flies have been known to occasionally take up residence in potted plants with decaying organic matter. Now this seemed like a real possibility. Especially considering the fact that the flies appeared to have been in full form in the window where our plants live. And the other fact that I occasionally overwater our plants to the point of drowning them. I decided to banish the plants outside until further notice and/or the end of the Flypocalypse.
Meanwhile, on Planet Fly, my young children now think it is normal to sleep with flyswatters and that erecting a full size camping tent inside your kitchen in order to eat dinner undisturbed is standard procedure.
Stay tuned for the (hopefully thrilling and destructive) end to the Flypocalypse…
About Naomi De La Torre
We have been having our own flypocalypse so I feel your pain. For us it turned out that we needed to get a better diaper pail for our cloth diapers. Gross, I know. “shrug” ; )
Twitter Name: OneRichMother
Dang, I wish my situation had a simple solution like that…I’m still searching for something disgusting and unknown over here…blerg:)
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
We have a fruit fly infestation, which means the flies are smaller, and more difficult to swat.
Angela,
Have you tried putting out bowls of cider vinegar with a dab of dish detergent in them? Fruit flies are attracted to the cider vinegar and the detergent traps them in the bowl. We did this for a few days in our kitchen and finally got rid of them. Oh, and finding the one rotting, stinking banana hiding behind some stuff on the kitchen counter helps, too :)!
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
I tried it before with white vinegar (since I had some on hand), and the flies just laughed at me. I’ll get some cider vinegar the next time I hit the store. Thanks!
While that may work, if you would like a heaping helping of vindication, you could try my personal FAVORITE way of attacking fruit flies: sucking them into the back of a blow-dryer, where they are insta-roasted and blown out the front. It’s also fun if you include a well rehearsed evil laugh and a few “Take THAT!”s
Oh yeah. We’ve had those too before. Nasty little buggers. And insidiouslly small too.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
So that’s where my yearly fly population has gone to.
When we first moved to our house, there was a fly metropolis already installed. Every year after it has come back and I exhausted myself trying to rid myself of them.
This year, I’ve only had a few. It only took me 6 years to get rid of them.
Get yourself some fly strips that are clear and stick to the windows and screens. They help A LOT. Also, flies move slower when they are cold. Leave your windows open and channel your inner Ninja Fly Assassin at night.
Good luck.
ps- put cotton balls in your ears at night. trust me.
Twitter Name: litlsuzzy
WHAT!!!??? You’re the one the sent the fly metropolis my way? Wrong. So very very wrong. PS. Thanks for the fly strip and cotton ball tips tho. I’m gonna try those. I’ll let you know how it all works out. :P
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Spiders!! Bring in a bunch of spiders. I think they eat flies.
Good plan. Cuz a spider infestation is much less horrifying than a fly infestation for sure.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
When you started describing your house I got a little paranoid that someone had been spying on my house and then posted it on the internet. but then it sounded to nice for my house so I was okay. I live on a farm and my kids and animals are in and out always. I have a fly annoying the crap out of me right now. Can I borrow your fly swatter? Great post. Thanks for making me laugh. I need it these days.
I think we could be besties! Anyone who lets farm animals in their house is ALL GOOD in my world. Thanks for visiting:)
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Dude! Hilarious effing story. I can’t wait for the sequel. Heh.
Hopefully it’s even more apocalyptic than the first.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Hillarious orator regarding indoor fly populations. I have to admit, I have been part of the flycopalypse – not because I knowingly left any in mind you. Having advocated for the plants, we did finally put them outside. Waiting for the next episode.
Thanks for visiting! Stay tuned…
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
We use to live next to a horse farm. The flies would live in our windows, not quite sure how they got inside, but only on the side of the apartment near the horses. I never understood and was so happy when we bought a house. Good luck!!
Seriously, this sounds so familiar. I just don’t understand where these little monsters are coming from. It’s like they spontaneously appear in our windowsills. ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
i’ve got the (fruit-)flys too! my favorite similar story though was when a dead bird fell down my mom’s bedroom chimney… the flies were appearing in her bathroom… yuck!!! she kept the vacuum out and they were gone in a few very long days. good luck!
remember to empty the bags, if not you’ll have a full army of fly children thinking you’ve asked them to live in this vacuum. (just saying)
Ewwwwwwwwwwww…that reminds me of the time we had maggots in our trash. The outside one, thankfully. When I saw them, I almost passed out dead on the concrete. Maggots are the most disgusting creatures on earth. Fo shizzle.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Um….I just threw up in my mouth a little. I wondered for a while if maybe they were coming from something dead in our chimney. But they don’t seem to congregate around there thankfully. Vacuum idea is ace! Thanks, Elise:)
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
As long as the dust bunnies aren’t cross breeding with the flies then that would be a real horror story!!
OMG. Hopefully that won’t be the next phase of our flyfestation. YIKES
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
leave Beer out in a saucer, Dive Dive Dive Drink and Dive… dead.
Dust bunnies have rights too, you should never ever invade their space, for if you do where will you get the killer Bunnies to protect your Castle? (home is your castle)
Another reason for flies is the sink drain, if you have a septic? time for a removal service to get that shit out of there. (pun fully intended) it’s a shitty crappy job but someone has to do it.
Good luck with your fight.
Oh Cider vinegar will also kill fruit flies, they again dive.
Drunk flies. Sounds like lots of fun. Can I drink from the saucer too? Just wondering…
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Your job is to finish off the can or bottle to save it from the other flies.
with a potty training two year old, we’re sure to have similar problems in our house soon, especially with the heat of summer soon to kick in!
great post–favorite line: “The dust bunnies under my couch are inbreeding and seem to have morphed into dust goats”. . . funny stuff!
Twitter Name: lickthefridge
Yes, our potty training adventures could fill an entire book with shit stories. My my recent favorite was having to pull several hair clips out of a turd in our toilet. Not be because I was going to USE them again, of course. But because they wouldn’t flush. PS Polly Pockets don’t flush eithter.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
I hope you get rid of the flypocalypse we had a moth invasion a few years ago so I can feel your pain.
You show the flies whose boss
Heh. I like to think of myself as boss over the flies. Unfortunately I think they’ve got me outnumbered. Did you beat the moths? Just wondering? And if so, how did you do it?
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
turn off all the lights in the house at night. Turn on all the porchlights, and open the inner doors if you have screens or clear storm doors. The flies will be attracted to the light Hide quietly nearby and then get up in slo-mo and open the screen or storm door. Have someone else standing by with a dish towel to flap to keep them around the door. Many will fly out this way… It’s a really low-tech solution, but it works.
Sounds like a fun way to also channel my inner ninja fly assasin. Definitely gonna try this one.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
I just about died laughing when I read this “My fan blades and window panes regularly wear fur coats.
The dust bunnies under my couch are inbreeding and seem to have morphed into dust goats. ”
SO glad that I’m not the only one lol. I will now make a point not to drown my plants, now if I could only get rid of the ant family I have living in my kitchen (despite my best efforts) I’ll survive the summer! Perhaps your plants could use some loving in the form of diatomaceous earth? Maybe that will kill off the little breeders and any other unwelcome ‘friends’ you may have. It’s found in most pest control powders and truly a God send! Also natural, so non toxic to everyone with the exception of bugs!
Twitter Name: ChefStephMTL
Dust goats are a truly scary breed. At night I fear they might jump into bed with us and eat our children. Pest powder sounds like a good option. I’m about ready for anything at this point, before I lose control completely and just give in and become one with the flies. In fact, I might be going a little Black Swan already. I think I can feel some fly wings poking out of my shoulder blades. HELP
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Well I hope the dust goats don`t eat your children! Think of all that time spent giving birth gone in an instant!
Sticky fly traps (as someone mentioned I believe) Do work, they`re also uber KLASSY! woo hoo! Although I do concur with the bug bombs. DE is effective for a number of things (bed bugs, ants, roaches, slugs ET AL) and it won`t eat your kids or your dog unlike your new pet goats might. I used it to kill off my ant problem, although the little bastards have to walk through it first in order for it to be effective. I also found this site via a quickie google search: http://www.maggots.co.za/a-definitive-guide-to-getting-rid-of-maggots/
Good luck with the fly`s and the goats!
Twitter Name: ChefStephMTL
Bug bombs. Set one or two off and leave for a few hours. All you’ll have to do is sweep them up when you come home. And wipe down your counters.
OOooooooh…I like the sound of that. Very flypocalyptic. Have you used any of these yourself and liked any specific brand or anything?
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
I’ve used them for fruit flies. Those things are next to impossible to get rid of. They work great. I just use whatever brand I can find at Wal-mart or wherever I’m shopping.
Awesome. Thanks for the tip. I’m off to begin the next installment of the FLYPOCALYSE. Thank you!!!
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
I see someone already mentioned it, but the vacuum is your friend during the height of flypocalypse. That and the sticky strips. Good luck!
Twitter Name: therealneeroc
Thanks, Neeroc! So many good ideas here on this comment string. We went out of town and just got back. Now I have so many potential solutions. I’m ready to show these flies whose BOSS for once and for all.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
No unfortunately moths won we moved out. Did used to hoover them up where they had been eating the carpet. Trying hoovering them good luck – flyswat on your challenge
Oh, that sounds horrible! Fruit-flies make me crazy when we have them…
Have you tried hanging up some sticky fly-papers around the house? It would attract them there and they would stick into the glue and die :D! One paper can hold up to several hundreds of them. Do you guys have these in shops?
OMG the flies! They swarm us, inside and out. And it seems that the big black ones have invited the small fruit flies to join in the party. And mysterious jumping flies, oh wait, those are fleas….
I think that they are just getting back at me because I tried to kill them all earlier with one of those hanging bags full of “fly bait” that smells like rotting flesh…I think we caught about 1000 flies before we caved because of the smell of corpse that emanated from our backyard.
The flies are one thing. Relatively easy foo . Ants though are the real pain ! I remember fighting them for 3 days and only a friend of mine brought a really good product that putted me out of my misery.
You are right. Ants are the devil’s sister.
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
Luke I hear you, I had the same problem with ants, I got rid of them very very hard and was almost loosing my patience after I tried many methods.
Naomi I hope you get rid of the flypocalypse, let us know how it went in the next “episode” :)
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