Dear Homeowner’s Association,
When we first met, I thought you were really cool. Where I came from, the only people who had HOAs were rich people who lived behind gates and carefully manicured trees. My house didn’t even have carefully manicured bushes before I moved to Florida, and there wasn’t a single HOA in all of Parkersburg, Iowa.
So you were cool in the same way that foreign exchange students were cool in high school. Back home you may have smelled badly and been the nerdy kid obsessed with Coke bottles, but to us you were exotic and worldly and so much cooler than regular American boys.
I brought you up in conversations with my friends back home. “Oh, yeah, we just have to run that by our HOA first.” And, “it’s funny, Jared got a letter because he didn’t get the garbage cans in before noon. You know how HOAs are! What? Oh, that’s right, you don’t. Well, trust me – *knowing laugh* - HOAs are big on garbage can etiquette.”
Oh, how the snotty have fallen.
You, my covenant coddling friend, are a pain in the ass. And you seem to be completely out of touch with the current state of affairs in this here neighborhood, as evidenced by the fact that you are still paying to send out letters regarding guests in the poolhouse when half the neighborhood is unable to pay their dues because of job loss and pending foreclosure. And then you raise dues.
Here’s a tip:
Don’t mail me a letter when “someone” noticed an RV in my driveway for three days. Knock on my damn door and ask what the hell is going on and save yourself the printing and postage.
Here’s another one:
Don’t threaten to sue a neighbor if they don’t re-sod their lawn in the next 30 days when the houses on either side have been left abandon for six months. Maybe you could pick up the phone to find out why a lawn that was once carefully maintained is more brown than green. Maybe ask questions of your neighbors before threatening legal action.
Here’s yet one more tip:
Throw a block party like the HOAs on TV do! Those ladies on Desperate Housewives always look like they’re having so much fun with their neighborhood associations. I mean, except for the plane crashes and murders and stuff. Still! Block parties!
I still appreciate the concept of a Homeowner’s Association. I like the idea of protecting our investments (hahahhahahahahaha, oh, man, that was funny) and creating a neighborhood that we all want to live in. I am totally behind the no RVs permanently parked in driveways rule!
But what happened to the concept of a neighborhood? Aren’t we supposed to be neighbors?
Neighbors don’t sue neighbors before inviting to each other to a party!
I’m pretty sure I read that in our bylaws.
Fortunately, you are no longer my problem!
(And yes, thank you, the RV was “removed from the premises” the day after we got your letter, just like we’d planned all along. Jackass.)
xoxo,
Miss Britt
About Britt Reints
Wow, I hope I never have to deal with an HOA!
Twitter Name: sungryphon
none of that here.
Reminds me of a townhouse complex we once lived in, shiver. It was like a handful of the residents had nothing to do but sit and find fault in the rest of us and fling off letters. In fact it sort of reminded me of being in high school all over again. Bleh!
We only discovered the covenants attached to our house AFTER we bought. No HOA that I know of but it sort of freaked me out a bit. Luckily, from the looks of things, everyone in the neighbourhood ignores them, so they seem like my kind of people.
Twitter Name: therealneeroc
We had an HOA, and then THEIR sewer system for our neighborhood backed up into my finished basement when I was single digit weeks postpartum with my first kid. I will never live in an HOA neighborhood again. They can suck it.
Twitter Name: householdsix
Mine isn’t too bad…they decorate the neighborhood common areas for Christmas, they throw Easter egg and pool parties, etc. But yeah, sometimes they are a pain. It should not take me 6 weeks to get an approval on a fence replacement request only after a follow-up “I’m replacing this fence whether I have your approval or not” email from me.
Our HOA grudgingly accepted pets but neglected to tell us of the strict scoop-the-poop policy. So we’d scoop once a day (our other neighbors would go weeks without scooping). We got a warning that the next time they find poop in our yard, it’s a $50 fine. And they don’t even come and check – they’ll fine you just on hearsay. So now I can’t make enemies with the neighbors that are STOMPING and JUMPING and HITTING WALLS all day because I’m scared that they’ll say they found a turd on our side of the turf.
Our HOA mostly stays out of our way, but recently sent a letter to my widowed neighbor that her trees were “overgrown.” I still haven’t figured out how a tree is overgrown, but whatever. What they might have been on about is that a couple of her trees had branches that were touching her roof. So they basically should have said, “Hey, your trees are touching your roof – that could cause problems.”
But, of course, being vague is so much better.
Twitter Name: msmegan
We moved into our 1st neighborhood w/a HOA last September and had the rose tinted glasses on. We figured if we follow all of these rules that meant everyone else would too. HA! Yeah right.
Ours is self run so none of the members of the board want to fine their neighbors even those there were plenty of people who had their Xmas lights up past Memorial Day.
*sigh*
I’d be happy if people got fined for keeping their trash cans out. Would mean more $$ for the summer block party. :-)
Twitter Name: breathe_again
Lordy me my hubby would not go over well in a HOA. We live in the country because as he says”If I want to Pee out the front door I can”.
@Marlene – we live in a small HOA, and my husband still pees in the driveway. You can take the man out of the country – but not the country out of the man…
I am stunned. I had no ideas there was anything like this. How dare anyone do this? It’s one thing to have neighbourhood pride but this? This is harassment.
Perhaps it is a British thing, no one dare challenge a king in their castle. Mutter about it, cast dirty looks but write letters and threaten legal action. To me this is insane.
Twitter Name: penbleth
We recently moved into a townhouse with an HOA. Thankfully for us we are renting it temporarily until we find a house, but most of the tennants are owners who look down their nose at us. Upon move in the “grounds keeper” handed my husband a packet of things our children were not allowed to do out front, each page’s font getting increasingly bigger. It ended with a plea to residents that if they see any children having what my husband and I coined as “fun” to please ask them to stop. If they don’t, then they are prompted to call CPS. The “blue hairs” in our community with too much time on their hands kills me.
Yes, our HOA is VERY VERY VERY strict–With the houses that aren’t foreclosed on or abandoned. Do NOT leave your hose out on the lawn unattended. It completely distracts from the unmowed field-like lawn and dead bushes from the yard next door.
Twitter Name: DTKMMeLookCrazy
I’m a first time home buyer and I must say dealing with HOA I feel like I live in prison. If I would have know things were going to be like this my first home would have been in a box.