I am now a lawn mower.
Having grown up exclusively in apartments and lived my adult life mostly in cities, I have never been responsible for yard care. I’ve planted my fair share of potted plants, but never really had to commit to routine maintenance of, like, LAND.
Seth and I moved in with his mom earlier this year to save money for graduate school. While she’s not old by any stretch, she has a shoulder injury that prevents her from being able to do certain things, things like changing light bulbs, reaching above her head for more than 5 seconds, or holding a loud, shaky machine that rolls around her yard. Seth has been taking care of the yard for, um, EVER, but his allergies finally got the best of him. Just as they were considering hiring a landscaper, I realized that I was both able-bodied and completely in debt to this really nice lady who lets me lay around her house farting up a storm.
I came home to Seth mowing and sneezing yesterday, looking miserable, and I realized that if I wanted to see him smile at any point during the summer it was time. It was time for me to step up and MOW THIS LAWN.
Lawn mowing is one of those gendered tasks. It’s always presented as something the dude of the house does. We get images of some long-suffering male who HAS to mow the lawn because his poor delicate lady CAN’T DO IT because of her fragile, delicately painted fingernails, or some dad is out there because we have to give him tasks to get away from his craaaaaazy family (the nagging wife! the screaming kids!). Since gender dynamics are my jam, it’s the first thing I thought of as I stepped up to the mower. Guys have to mow the lawn because it’s difficult and dirty, right?
Ladies. We’ve been had. Lawn mowing is AMAZING.
First of all, it’s really not that hard. It probably sucked back in the day, when you had a couple of blades on a stick that you had to sharpen every ten feet, but the miracle of technology has brought us something called the SELF-PROPELLED MOTOR. With the touch of a button (or pull of a lever) you’re rocketing across the lawn with ease.
Second, lawn mowing is destructive in the best possible way. Weeds, buttercups, potted plants – everything must go! How many times in your life do you get to rear back and cut down anything in your path? Not too many, people. Not. Too. Many.
If you’re a jerk, you get to leave long strips of tall grass in one area and tell your future mother-in-law that you’re practicing bikini area designs. If you were a teenager in the 1990s, you can bust out your Arrested Development overalls and dress like a 19th century farmer (I mean, I HAD the outfit already).
I want to start a lawn mowing league. Who’s in?
About DanielleH
Mama’s Always on Stage. I kind of miss mowing the lawn. Thanks for bringing back the memories. . .
Twitter Name: lickthefridge
I have totally been thinking about helping out my husband with the lawn mowing this summer. Because he works really hard…and we got a new riding lawn mower last week (we have kind of a big yard). I don’t know if I want to stop and dump the big bagger thing all the time but that destroying-everything-in-my-path-thing sounds like such a good stress reliever…hmmmmm.
Twitter Name: HeatherSchiavo
I would be an absolute menace on a riding mower.
We just moved from a house that required the old-school lawn mower pictured (and it took 15 minutes to mow the whole lawn – which I did while 8.5 months pregnant in a fit of nesting) to a house with three acres of grass. We just bought a zero-turn mower and holy crap is that thing awesome. It’s like an amusement park ride, only you really need to wear a sports bra. I’m a little nervous about continuing mowing while pregnant (seriously, there’s a lot of jostling around and flying through the air on bumps), but heck yes women should mow the lawn! At the very least know how to turn the sucker on! =)
I just looked up “zero turn mower” and wow…I know what my goal is for next year.
Except for the sunburn. MY GOD THE SUNBURN. I spent an hour mowing my relatively small yard and I now have shoulders as red as a lobster. And they hurt. Lesson learned, use sunscreen. Other than that though, great times.
Twitter Name: kidthingsnet
I keep forgetting to put on sunscreen because I usually mow in the evenings – good call! Thank you for the reminder. I burn like a worm on a sidewalk.
I am totally in. I bought myself a manual reel mower last month. I can only get about 1/4 of my half acre front yard done between the time my kids go to bed and it gets dark but mowing is very relaxing. Just me and the scitch-scitch-scitch sound of the blades. No screaming, no crying, no “I want”. It’s a beautiful thing.
Currently I’m doing a straight across pattern but on next week I might try some swirls in there.
Twitter Name: litlsuzzy
It’s SO relaxing. I love that sound, too, especially on newly grown, soft grass. :)
After fighting with numerous gas mowers for years, we finally conceded and got an old fashioned reel mower. The upside to no self-propulsion? My ten year old can use it and guess what? SHE TOTALLY DIGS IT!
Twitter Name: Izzymom
Awesome!
I remember kids mowed the lawn all the time when we were growing up – it was just a part of their chores. I asked about getting a neighborhood kid to do it, and Seth’s mom was like, “Uh, the kids around here hibernate in the summer. They barely leave the house.”
Good for you getting your little one out there!
I love the idea of practicing bikini designs on my lawn. Genius. PURE GENIUS!
Twitter Name: coolwhipmom
I mostly did it because I knew she’d laugh, but it is kind of funny.
I love to mow. I love the vibration, the white noise aspect, the very Zen-ness of it all. I like to do the checker board effect.
Checkerboard? Adding it to the list. :)
I always suspected mowing was enjoyable!! My husband complains about it, but every time I offer to do it or offer to hire one of the dozens of young boys that come around this time of year asking he refuses. I’ve been had!
Just grab it and get out there! It’s so much fun.
I love mowing the lawn. Well, not starting the mower. (It’s a pain especially after the starter cord snapped last year and I haven’t replaced it.) After it’s started, though, I love it. Especially if the grass is very tall. I picture lovely green cities sprawling with tiny, tiny people. Then in I come to wreck devastation upon them. They throw the full might of their military against me but I shrug off their attacks and laugh maniacally… just about then I realize I’m laughing out loud and my neighbors are watching… oops! Oh well, there’s another grass-city to destroy. MWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!!!!!
Twitter Name: TechyDad
See, I like starting the mower because it’s so satisfying when it finally kicks over. But with a broken pull cord I’d probably like it far less.
“another grass-city to destroy”
YES. I feel pretty violent when I’m mowing over buttercups and the like, but it’s wildly satisfying.
Oh, and the only thing better than mowing the lawn? Trimming the hedges with my electric hedge trimmer. Fire that sucker up and slice and dice the hedges into submission.
Twitter Name: TechyDad
Since you love it so much, how ’bout I fire our lawn service and hire you at a discount? :D
Twitter Name: msmegan
I AM SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING IT. :)
There’s a lawnmowing league movie in here somewhere.
Twitter Name: schmutzie
They’d probably cast Vince Vaughn and ruin it.
I mow my own lawn and love love love it. There is just something so satisfying about seeing the immediate results of my labor.
I’m the one who is possessive of the lawn mowing chore in our house. I get a bit miffed if the husband tries to do it. I really enjoy the calming/Zen-esque aspect. Plug in some tunes and singing along is awesome, the darn thing is so loud no one can hear! And my FAVORITE part of mowing is that it’s way cheaper than any therapy session I’ve ever had!
Twitter Name: LoLately