I like dogs more than people. THERE, I SAID IT. I like dogs more than most people, anyways. I don’tcare who knows it. The more people I meet, the older I get, the more I like my dogs. If it weren’t for thefact that I’m married and have two kids, I’m fairly certain I’d be the crazy dog lady.
I take pictures of them, more than my kids, even. See, my dogs don’t MOVE when I try to take theirpictures and they never stick their tongue out. Mostly because their tongues are already hanging out.But I digress. I spend most of my time with my dogs. Most people just don’t get my obsession. It’sprobably a good thing I never went through with my plans for vet school, I’m fairly certain I’d be livingwith tens of dogs. My cousin went through with her plans and now she’s got a few animals at home.Ahem.But I understand her. I get her. I totally know her line of thinking. Why do I like them more thanmost people?
Let me count the ways:
1 . Dogs never talk back to you. Kids do. So does your husband.
2 . Dogs always think you look good, no matter what you wear. They never think you look fat inANYTHING and never notice when you gain weight. Unlike SOME people.
3 . Dogs are great listeners. They look RIGHT AT YOU with a look of concern when you tell themabout your rotten day and they guy that cut you off and the rude lady and SQUIRREL! Ohyeah, right, go on. Rotten day, etc, etc…SQUIRREL! Sorry, where were you again! I’m payingattention, promise…Then they lick your face to make it all better and sometimes their tonguesgo in your nose or mouth and EWWWW and…right. Benefits of dogs. Hold on. I’m thinking…
4 . Dogs have unconditional love for you. Just put down a few bowls of food a day and they’ll beall, “OH MY GAH MY BOWL IS FULL OF DIAMONDS!!! SWEEEET” It’s grand.
5 . Dogs keep your feet warm in the winter. Depending on their size, they also make good footrests. AND! Some of them make good pillows or arms rests, too. Except for the part that whenthey breathe and your arm goes up and down while you’re typing on the laptop and stuff. That’skind of annoying. But! Armrest!
6 . Dogs are fun. They give you something to do and will not ever allow you to be depressed orbored. The evidence I have to support this is BORDER COLLIE. If I dare to sit,a ball or frisbeeis immediately brought to my attention. If I try to crawl into bed a fuzzy butt nudges me until Ipet them. How could you be sad with that going on? YOU CAN’T.
7 . Dogs are always happy to see you. You can leave dogs home alone. You can’t do this with yourkids. You can also put dogs in crates or cages or out in the yard when they misbehave. Again,you prolly shouldn’t do this with your kids. Just sayin’. Unless, of course your kid likes to be indog cages like mine.
8 . Dogs need exercise. Lots of it. You get exercise by default. DUH! WINNING!
9 . You can leave your house for five minutes to run and errand and come back and your dog isall, “YOU’RE BAAACK! I MISSED YOU! HI! HI! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!” When youleave your house and you come back to your kids or husband, they’re all, “Oh, you left? I hadn’tnoticed.” See? Much better for your ego.
1 0 .You can train your dogs. You can train them to clean up after themselves, even. You cantrain them to say, NOT LEAVE THEIR SHOES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR or PUTTHEIR DISHES IN THE SINK or PUT THEIR DIRTY CLOTHES IN THE HAMPER,DANG IT. Not that I’m bitter or anything. I’m just putting it out there, mmkay? Got it? GOOD.
Marj Hatzell isn’t a writer but she plays one on TV. She’s a Domestic Engineer, Total Babe, and SAHM of two boys with Autism, ADHD and a variety of other acronyms. Marj was picked last for dodge ball in grade school, was a band geek (she played the flute, and one time, at band camp…), and prefers dogs more than people, which means she has STELLAR social skills. Marj can be bribed to do anything with potatoes and/or bacon. Usually both. You can find her at her non-paying day job, the wildly unsuccessful blog The Domestic Goddess, at Twitter, and on Facebook.