My great-aunt went through this morbid phase seven or eight years ago where she started giving away her possessions as Christmas presents. We had to remind her that she was only in her late 60s and in very good health. I have a theory that it was actually a twisted plan to not have to buy shit for people around the holidays. Brilliant!
When I tried to do the same thing a month later for my sister’s birthday, she was not pleased to receive a shirt from my closet. Especially when she pointed out that I had borrowed it from her in July and that she had been asking for it back for months. To which I replied that if she wanted it back so badly it sounds like I did a damn good job picking out a gift for her so she better stop being a crabby-pants and thank me for being the best sister ever.
She was pretty sure that I was, in fact, not the best sister ever, so I bought her a huge frozen margarita and she forgot all about it. Until I called our rather conservative parents and yelled, “It’s Jessie’s birthday and I just bought her a drink as big as her head!” on the answering machine.
Anyway, back to my gift-giving theory. I’ve told this story before, and apparently my great-aunt is not the only elderly person out there to start giving away her keepsakes as holiday gifts. My grandmother has given away her stuff before, but things like jewelry and keepsakes. My great-aunt actually gave me a 2004 calendar once. For Christmas 2005.
So, touching act of selflessness or plot to have us clean her house? You decide.
All I’m saying is that I’m pretty sure the government has documents about this that they’re not sharing. There’s a bunker somewhere with aliens enjoying the gifts we were supposed to get, and if you fold a dollar bill in half a few times then look at it all squinty-like, you’ll see a picture of my great-aunt laughing evilly as she puts bows on all the half-broken stuff she doesn’t want anymore.
Allison Boyer blogs about career nonsense at After Graduation and is working on a secret zombie-themed blogging project launching this fall. She also blogs for BlogWorld Expo and JobMonkey, and when she’s not writing, she’s usually found playing video games or doing something equally geeky.
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Pretty fun idea. And then I killed myself because I thought, “late 60s isn’t elderly”, so I know I am now officially old.
Who knew that would happen?
(I feel compelled to point out I’m early 40s but clearly I can see late 60s looming.)
Twitter Name: penbleth
Not to worry, Penbleth – you have several years before you are able to receive the senior discount for the early bird special. You aren’t even in AARP range yet!
Twitter Name: allison_boyer
If you still have not decided on a Christmas gift for your close friends and family, then here are some unique jewelry gift ideas for the holidays