Two years ago, I took a cycling class and bruised my crotch.
I tell you that to explain that yes, I have heard about padded bike seats and padded bike shorts. I am aware, thanks to the Internet, that riding a stationary bike for exercise can cause serious pain to the female anatomy for which the only cure is extra padding. Thank you, Internet, for that disappointing news.
Upon learning that information two years ago, I promptly dropped out of my spin class. It was the perfect justification for laziness. I was protecting myself.
But, I come before you today, completely and totally confused and bruised once again.
No, I have not joined another spin class.
I got a bike.
Like, an actual bike that moves down roads and stuff. I planned to use it for recreation and transportation. I’ve seen people on TV do it and I’ve read about people who bike to work. I remember riding a bike as a kid. I know it is possible to bike for a few minutes (or several hours) a day!
You know what I don’t remember?
Putting on my padded shorts before heading out to play with my friends. There was that one boy that was really into bike shorts, but he was an exception to the rule (on so many levels.)
None of those bike messengers on TV are wearing padded lycra. Or is padded underwear another secret of the bike commuter, like tucking your khakis into your black socks?
There must be a way to ride a normal bike without causing permanent damage to my perineum!
I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong.
Am I sitting on the bike wrong? I’ve tried sitting more lightly, more forward, more backwards. I’ve clenched my butt cheeks in an effort to put more space between my tender nethers and the punishing seat, but that just results in a really sore butt and leg muscles.
Do I weigh too much for casual bike riding? I have gained a few pounds since childhood.
You guys, what am I doing wrong????
Please. Help me help my crotch.