I’m really excited about her wedding, even if it means wearing a bridesmaid’s dress that cuts off my air supply.
I realized last week that I hadn’t even tried on my dress since before I got pregnant. It was then that I also realized that I still needed to lose about 30 lbs of baby weight before I could actually wear the aforementioned dress.
I tried it on one morning before work and couldn’t get it to zip, in fact ripping the dress just a little at the base. I called just about every David’s Bridal in the tri-state area, and the last store I called informed me that the dress had been discontinued, and that no store in the continental United States had that dress in the color (Barney purple) and size (18) I needed.
In a panic, I called my friend and confessed to her that not only was I too fat for my dress, but that I had less than two weeks to fix the problem. She was very cool about it, which I appreciated, and together we found a dress that she thought might be the solution. I ordered the dress at work, and paid extra for expedited shipping.
Then I went home. After I got home, I stared at my original bridesmaid’s dress for at least half an hour, silently cursing it for ruining my self-esteem. I decided to try it on one more time for good measure.
This time, I zipped up the dress before pulling it on over my head. It was a tight fit, and I had to squash down my boobs quite a bit, but IT FIT!! I couldn’t breathe, but IT FIT! I couldn’t sit down, but IT FIT!
Of course, all of this happened after I’d spent $250 on a new dress that had already been shipped. They make you pay extra for “plus” sizes, you know. I tried it on when it came in the mail–it’s about 2 sizes too big for me, which was just what my fragile ego needed. My wallet, however, is super pissed.
Despite all the dress drama, I know that this wedding is going to be fun. I’m going to get to see tons of friends I haven’t seen for a while and I can drink, which means at some point, my dress will unzip all by itself.
And I will finally be able to breathe.
I’m Annie Noblin. I’m a 29 year old English teacher. I have an M.A. in Creative Writing, which means I was to the point of starvation when Arkansas State University finally called to offer me a job. Now I teach incoming freshman about comma splices. I have a son named Jude, and it infuriates me when people ask if he’s named after Jude Law. How could “Hey Jude” not be the first assumption? I have one husband, and one wheelchair bound Boston Terrier with Down Syndrome named Ruthie (no, seriously). I love to play Call of Duty, eat poptarts, and smoke Black & Milds. I am prepared for the zombie apocalypse. Find me blogging here: http://messinadress.net