I’ve developed a bit of a nail polish addiction as of late, and it’s got me femme-ing out a lot lately. All the crayon box colours that are out this spring are hard to resist, because a major part of my personality vacillates along the five-to-twelve-years-old spectrum.
The problem is that I’m not very good at applying nail polish. I had a phase when I wore it for about two months twelve years ago, but this spring is the first time I have done it with any regularity since then. It’s like I need the nail polish equivalent of one of those extra fat primary pencils they give to kindergarten kids when they’re learning to print.
As you can see from the cat hair stuck into the polish on my index finger, I could use some practice. And probably less one cat or three.
Cat hair aside, that colour, Sally Hansen’s Chartreuse Chase, was a little more neon than I really wanted.
Okay, fine, we can’t put the cat hair aside. No person should leave the house with wads of cat hair glued to their hands.
Being sane, I knew that the furry green polish had to go, but I’ve grown tired of just wearing the straight up Stiletto Red by Rimmel that has been my default over recent weeks. It’s a fine colour, but I wanted to dress it up a bit, and who cares if I lack skills? It’s all about artistic expression!
My artistic drive told me that a base of Stiletto Red with a thin overlay of Chartreuse Chase was just the answer. The red would work to tone down the translucent green top layer, and my nails would sport a fabulous two-hued effect, right? Obviously.
So, I painted the first of the two layers. I don’t think I will ever be truly sick of this colour:
And then I applied the Chartreuse Chase:
My stunning paintership meant that the second layer of polish gooped up along my cuticles, so I ran a fingernail around the edges on all my fingers.
The effect was not exactly what I had in mind, unless what I’d originally had in mind was called THE BLEEDING CUTICLES EFFECT, which it most certainly had not.
My husband has coined it Zombie Chic.
This is why I was not, am not, and never will be one of those hair-flippy ladies with the complex hair and the manicured hands and feet and the Chiclets-white teeth with the spray tans and the gauzy, fragile clothing who have professionals remove their body hair.
I’m not made for high maintenance. I’d try cutting my own bangs and I’d lose a nail tip in my perogies and I like drinking strong coffee too much and I’d want to see how well messages scratched into my tan held up and the last gauzy thing I owned accidentally melted into a golf ball when I left the iron on.
I’m made for curious accidents that sometimes work out brilliantly, or not, as the case might be, but, to be perfectly honest, these nails are actually growing on me. They make me look extra neurotic, and it makes me laugh.
Luckily, I mostly work from home :)
Despite my laissez-faire attitude, I wouldn’t mind learning a few tricks. How do I avoid the dreaded shredded cuticle? How do I paint my nails without painting half my fingers? To top coat or not to top coat? Do you have any nail tips that actually work? I could use a little know-how all up on these nails of mine.
About Schmutzie
Sweetie by Avon. :) ask me how I’m an avon rep (hahaha)
I love Avon! My mother’s been an Avon rep for years for the discount, and for some reason I never thought of asking her. I’ll be checking up on Sweetie.
Twitter Name: schmutzie
Excellent! Go mom! they had a great “promotion” in C4 here in Canada that came with a book on tips and tricks? I haven’t read it yet but there may be something in there. I sell in canada.
You have to push your cuticles back first before painting. And lay down a clear coat before the color. If it works for cars, it’ll work for our nails! (this advice comes from a roller derby girl who can’t keep polish nice for more than one practice!)
Twitter Name: blondefabulous
If you could see my cuticles up close, you’d be afraid to push the fragile things back. I need cuticle triage.
Twitter Name: schmutzie
Ask your mom about cuticle cream/ remover.
My daughter turned me on to China Glaze Crackle polish. It comes in six colors. You paint a base color and then the crackle over it, and it does a lightning-effect kind of thing. It’s perfect for me because my hands shake so I always look like a toddler helped mommy paint her nails.
I like!
http://www.chinaglaze.com/products/
Twitter Name: schmutzie
Oh dear goodness, I had to comment out of pity. Those nails are awful – yank out the acetone ASAP! That said, it’s not something you can’t fix. First, you can’t layer an opaque color on top of another color. It just won’t work because the under layer won’t show through. Second, I think you used a liiiittle too much nail polish. You could probably have gotten away with one coat of the red, and make it a thin one. Third, if you must take care of excess, I usually wait a day til it’s dried and then peel off the little piece that’s pooled (less chance for mess). Or you could use a cuticle stick with a tiny amount of cotton (or a cotton swab, but that’s less sturdy) to swipe around the fingernail with some polish remover. I use the 100% acetone as a remover – it just works faster. I don’t top coat unless the polish isn’t shiny, it just goops up too much and I don’t have the patience.
Your main other alternative (and this is a great one if you have the extra cash) is to get a Shellac manicure. I got one over Christmas and that stuff just doesn’t come off until your nails grow out (or until you soak them in pure acetone). Your nails look like they’ve been professionally done two weeks later, so less time between manicures. It’s a miracle, I tell you!
Oh, also – do a swipe over the top of the nails – it makes the nail look smoother at the end.
Oh, I do know I need the help. Seriously, I had no idea that I would need skills for this. Thanks for the tips!
Twitter Name: schmutzie
Keep practicing! My secret is using only sheer nailpolish on my fingers. Makes it harder to notice the mistakes.
Use a cuticle remover to get rid of excess, ragged cuticles, then put some lotion on your hands and fingers. Before applying polish, take a cotton ball with alcohol and clean the nails.
Finally, look into an OPI product called Black Shatter. You can apply it over that red for a cool “shattered” look.
Twitter Name: msmegan
See, I like this cracked and shattered effect stuff you people are talking about. It sounds like the perfect cover, and I like the effect.
Twitter Name: schmutzie
Take heart. You’ve discovered the perfect polish look for Halloween. Truly frightening.
I tend to save the neon colours for my toes. Added bonus for being away from (most) people’s faces and therefore bad paint jobs are more forgiving.
This is something I’m slowly learning. I think that the crazy colours will be reserved for my feet. Otherwise, I’m liable to scare people.
Twitter Name: schmutzie
Sadly my manicures look like my three year old did them. But, I will warn about the Sally Hansen Insta Dry. It goes on easy and dries super fast. I loved it so much that I ran out and bought 8 different colors. After using it a couple of weeks I realized all my nails were splintering off down to the quick. A google search confirmed that the quick dry stuff ruins your nails. Boo. I’ve started using a base coat under it but that kills the quick and easy aspect of it.
Twitter Name: Madatmama
Good to know! My nails and cuticles tend to be drier, so this will save me from wrecking what good I do have going on there.
Twitter Name: schmutzie
The zombie chic is fun! Practice does make perfect. Use cream or oil on your cuticles, and gently push them back when they’re soft so they don’t tear & get hangnails. BUT before you apply nail polish, you have to remove every trace of oil from your nails with a swipe of polish remover. As for applying polish, the thinner the better (meaning old, gloppy polish might need to be tossed) – now, put your hand down on a flat surface and spread your fingers out. In your other hand hold the brush (that you’ve removed the excess polish from when taking it out of the bottle), and try to rest the outer heel of that brush hand also on the surface near the hand you’re about to polish, so you don’t shake as much. Then, do your index finger first. You don’t have to rush. Nestle the edge of the bristles right in the center of your nail as close to the cuticle as you can get without painting the cuticle. Let the bristles spread out into a fan and paint a nice broad stripe down the middle. Then nestle back to the cuticle, this time on the right, and swipe up to the top, going as close as you can to the far right edge of your nail, then repeat on the left. Do likewise for each of your fingers. If you mess up, you can use the edge of your thumbnail to kind of “scoop out” the polish while it’s wet – you won’t notice it once your whole manicure is done, or you can dip the tip of an orange stick in remover to kind of erase your screw ups. Do your thumb last (it may take an extra right and left swipe due to the wideness of the nail). Now, repeat on your other hand. Obviously, it will be trickier resting your polished hand because you have wet nails, but if you kept the coat thin, it won’t be running everywhere. Also, you can’t do the thumbnail scoopy thing here. I usually polish my stronger hand first so that it’s my stronger hand doing the more challenging polishing. Now, repeat everything with a second and even a third coat until you reach the color and finish you like. You can use a base coat first, and a quick drying topcoat, but it doesn’t mean your nails will necessarily be smush proof for a while. Dipping them in ice water can help if you’re in a rush. If you’re about to go to sleep, you can spray them with Pam and wrap your hands gently with Saran Wrap so you won’t get it stuck to your hair. There’s a million tricks. BUT, if you mess up a finger, don’t freak out. Let your whole manicure dry, then wear a rubber cleaning glove to remove the messed up polish on the offending nail and just do it over. I learned all this by closely observing the Korean manicure professionals during the paint jobs I’ve splurged on! ;)
Fabulous tutorial!
Twitter Name: schmutzie
For your cuticles smear on a bit of Burt’s Bees Lemon Butter Cuticle Creme. Better than anything else I’ve ever tried. When I actually remember to use it (also a low maintenance girl) it keeps my cuticles from getting dry, raggedy, and bleeding.
You know, I’ve used the Burt’s Bees stuff before and LOVED it, but for some reason I forgot about it. Thanks for the reminder. That stuff works wonders on hands.
Twitter Name: schmutzie
Oh, also, I was obsessed with Shellac nails or gel manicures, and while they can be AWESOME (they are expensive, but last forever without chipping) it is my experience that they are impossible to remove. I ended up with the manicurist jackhammering away at my nails to get it off after soaking for an hour. It was really painful. And then my nails, which are usually healthy, were totally damaged. You know how it feels when you cut your nails too short? That’s how my entire nail surface felt whenever anything touched it because they were so thin. It was kind of terrible!
Also another good tip, because I heard about this shellac business, and it sounded like a good idea, but now? Not so much. I’ll stick with the regular polish, thank you very much.
Twitter Name: schmutzie
your nail polish obsession cracks me up! i had flashbacks of when my friend and i would try to mix our own colors back in the day. don’t try this. it’s more disasterous than your zombie nails.
After my zombie nails, I think I’ve learned that I like playing it safe. Too many people were alarmed by my experiment.
Twitter Name: schmutzie
I don’t know if this is great advice, but it works for me. I paint my nails with very little concern about keeping the color where it’s supposed to be. I just make sure I cover the whole nail and I do push the cuticles back first. The polish gets all over my skin, it looks pretty nuts. When it’s good and dry, I soak my hands/feet in a little soapy warm water and then wash the polish off the skin part. It comes off the skin pretty easy and stays on the nail, looks perfect when it’s all cleaned up. I do have to put up with snarky comments from the husband while it’s drying though:-)
This actually sounds pretty good to me. I think I mess it up in part because I spend so much time trying not to get it on my skin, when it really doesn’t matter if I do. Thanks for pointing that out!
Twitter Name: schmutzie
It’s great if you’re jittery from drinking coffee or whatever. Plus, if I’m not going anywhere, I’ll just clean it off over the course of a day or two – while I wash dishes or take a bath (I’m pretty lazy that way:-)
Good Luck!
To avoid using fingernails, I use ear buds around the cuticle after I’ve painted my nails… it’s a cleaner line and less messy… apart from that great discovery, I am pretty pathetic and making my nails look fantastic… :(
Any advice is good advice at this point :)
Twitter Name: schmutzie
Sally Hansen has some sort of sheer shades I’ve been using and they look really polished and lovely for a long time. my favorite is something called hard as wraps or something like that. It’s let me grow my nails out and one of the colors makes it look like a french manicure. If I do colors it’s just a huge pain to keep them from chipping and not paint my whole hand.
I actually just purchased a sheer shade yesterday, and, I must say, it was a lot easier to work with than the darker ones I was trying to work with. I’m sold.
Twitter Name: schmutzie
I am NOT a woman who goes for mani/peds, has her hair cut regularily, I color it myself. What I am trying to say is I don’t invest a heck of a lot of time or money in my ‘look’ (and you can tell!)
But recently a friend invited me to go for a half price pedicure with her. I was game and it was so enjoyable I asked for a mani too!
I sort of TOTALLY enjoyed the whole experience so decided to take it a step further. If my 13 year old daughter can wax her eyebrows surely I could too? So while the box of color did a number on my hair I slopped some wax on. Unfortunately I covered half of one of my eyebrows and about a 1/4 of one eyes eyelashes with it. Shit!! I managed to save the eyebrow but my eyelashes are toast :(
You might want to try out a manicure. And I will NEVER again attempt to wax my eyebrows!
I’ve never had a pedicure, either, yet, but I’m thinking this year might be the year. I work in a shoe store part time, and people who come in right after a pedicure have such cute feet!
I LOVE YOUR WAXING STORY. That needs a movie script written just so that scene can be shown to the world.
Twitter Name: schmutzie
DO IT! Find a shop having a sale and GO! I had 45 years worth of dead skin sloughed off. I think I weigh 5 lbs lighter :)
Waxing. Yeah. Never to do again unless I am paying someone and in these parts it is relatively cheap at $8 a pull (both eyes).
What I failed to mention is not only did I lose 1/4 of the eyelashes of one eye, get wax in my bangs and spend half hour working it out of the half of my eyebrow I did NOT want to lose but I also got wax on my gorgeous manicure and they are now chipped, SOB!
Which means I must take polish off and DO IT MYSELF! You know, if I owned remover. Sigh. (And your cat hair in the manicure pic kind of scared me.. I have two dogs!(
But sure glad I saved eight bucks! Heh. NOT!!
It’s nice to know I’m not the only one struggling with learning how to put on nail polish properly to get the manicured look :)
A weekly scrub with olive oil and sugar is probably all you need for your cuticles, seriously it works better than all of the chemical-laden crap out there…
As for nail polish application I’m not great, but I agree with Shawnty. Once your nails are dry, it’s very easy to remove any errant polish from your skin. Sticking to sheer neutrals is another foolproof tip – try Essie Mademoiselle.