I have two young children. I love dessert. Often, these two statements are in direct conflict with each other. My kids don’t always do well enough at dinner to warrant dessert, or they did but they were freaking obnoxious and one pushed the other into the coffee table so I got mad and shouted “NO DESSERT FOR ANYONE!” but really meant “NO DESSERT FOR ANYONE (except me)”.
You know and I know that I can’t just eat my dessert in front of them. Not because I’d feel guilty, but because they’d get their grubby little paws all over my treat, dangit. I just want to enjoy my sugar high in silence! I’ve gotten into the habit of sneaking my dessert in the kitchen when they aren’t looking, but this rarely works for something that takes more than three minutes to eat, like a quart of ice cream or a chocolate cake. Thus! I’ve created a stealthy, ninja-esque lazy-gal’s dessert.
MOMMYGEEK’S LAZY NINJA DESSERT
1. Turn on mind-numbing television show like Dora the Explorer, Wow! Wow! Wubzy or Diego. The children know you can’t stand these shows and will not expect you to hang around.
2. Locate the whipped cream.
3. Shake the whipped cream. Stealthily.
4. Spray whipped cream into your open mouth. No, don’t use a bowl. That leaves evidence, and makes more noise than the white-noise sound of the aerosol can. If the kids ask, say you’re spraying a cleaner and they need to Stay! Away! Dangerous! Chemicals!
5. Refrain from gulping down the whipped cream immediately. Locate and open the jimmies. (For those of you not raised in New England, jimmies are chocolate sprinkles. It’s a weird New Englander thing. Like gettin’ an idear to start pahkin’ yer cah in the yahd. )
6. Shake jimmies/sprinkles directly onto the whipped cream, still in your mouth.
7. Swallow in one gulp.
8. Quietly grin at your cleverness. Please, look as awkward as possible so I don’t feel alone. I don’t know what face this is, it just happened.
POIDH! (Picture or it didn’t happen)
* Delicious hot chocolate with whipped cream photo by giveclothes
About MommyGeek
It’s just possible I may have done this a time or two myself. I mean, I not admitting to anything, just saying it MIGHT be possible.
OK, I’ve done this.
Twitter Name: penbleth
Which makes you, officially, Awesome. Capital A.
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
You and I were separated at birth.
Word of warning: The kids eventually figure it out, and then one day, you will walk in to the kitchen to find them sucking down your stash. Little brats.
Twitter Name: SugarJones
Momma knows how to keep a secret stash.
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
I will surely keep this in mind until my daughter is old enough to eat dessert. She’s almost 8mo and is currently obsessed with taking food right off my plate.
The logic here, of course, being that if it never hits the plate, there is nothing to steal!
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
No lie, my 7 year old had a friend spend the night this weekend and at the dinner table, he asked me to get him the whipped cream so that he could spray some into his mouth. WHAT.
I have been known to drink a Coke out of a mug and tell my kids that it’s coffee. Also, I’ve poured Heath bits into a bowl, eaten them with a spoon and told my kids it was cereal. So, yeah, I’m with you.
Twitter Name: LisaACOTA
OMG the Heath Bits idea is amazing. I am so doing that tomorrow.
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
I love this! This is somehow less pathetic than my current stealth dessert, which is to snarf down an entire pudding cup in one or two bites with my back turned to my kids.
Twitter Name: 18Years2Life
It’s less pathetic because it requires multiple steps. I used to do the pudding cup thing.
Even sadder: Eating frosting out of the can while standing in the kitchen at 2am.
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
Thanks for another informative site. Where else could I get that kind of info written in such a perfect way? I’ve a project that I’m just now working on, and I’ve been on the look out for such info.