A few years ago, I was doing coursework for a graduate degree in History and sitting in a class called “History of the American South.”
The course was a discussion format, and the topic was, “Define the American South.”
There were various arguments presented: geography, racial history, membership in the Confederacy, etc.
My answer was a little less cerebral and a precursor of that recent Luke Bryan song that goes, “It ain’t a rebel flag you bought at the mall, it’s a hideaway bed in an old farm stall, two kids getting caught stealin’ a Boone’s farm kiss…”
Now, Luke Bryan is talking about what “country” is and I was talking about what the South is, but the principle is the same, yeah?
And, then, people in the class started talking about “people who grew up in the South.”
And I was, all, “I grew up in the South.”
And, then, they started laughing.
Florida, someone said, is not the South.
It might surprise you to know that I was madder than a pack of wild dogs on a three legged cat.
I mean, I know I’m not a typical Southerner what with all the lentil eating and curry history, but I’ve always considered it to have some degree of influence on my cultural identity as an American.
I countered with the fact that geographically speaking Florida is the South. It was also a bona fide member of the Confederacy and, not that I’m a big fan of that fact or anything, it is indisputable. Plus, we say things like “Y’all,” drink sweet tea, and even the most intellectual among us have a tendency to drop our “g’s” and concoct metaphors that would make Shakespeare weep, like, “It’s colder in here than a mother in law’s love.”
Technically, I added, if you cut Florida in half, below Orlando or so, the top part? That’s “the South.”
The rest of Florida is an entirely different discussion.
Fast forward to the present day, a couple of weeks ago I found myself in New Orleans, Louisiana for the Mom 2.0. Summit.
It was there that I finally realized that, okay, Florida is not exactly “the South.”
It’s more like “South Lite.” Tastes great, but less filling.
Case in point, I stayed on for about another week in Louisiana after the conference ended. Since I was staying at my brother’s house with my kids, this necessitated a trip to a local grocery store.
At the checkout line, I started putting my groceries on that black thingy that carries your groceries to the cashier. Yes, that’s the technically correct name for it.
Anyway, as I edged towards the cashier, she asks, like they are supposed to, “Hi, honey, how are you?”
Now, I want you to read that sentence out loud while timing yourself. Done?
Okay, now add ten seconds and say it again. That’s how she said it, “Hiiii, Honeeeey, howww arrrrre yoooo-ewe?”
I replied, “Fine, thanks. Yourself?”
In Florida, this conversation would have ended with “Fine, thank you.” Or a cynical glare that said, “Looky here, Her Lady of the Reluctant Soccer Moms, don’t pretend like you care about how my day is going.”
In Louisiana, the answer went, “You know, I’m fiiine, jus’ tryin’ to make sense of the weather, ya’ know? Sometimes, it’s hot, sometimes it’s cold. I went down to my neighbor’s house for a barbeque last weekend, thinkin’ it was goin’ to be hot and wore a tank top and near froze myself to death…”
Right about then, all that talk about being Southern made me feel like a poseur, you know? Because the whole tank top barbeque conversation is not one that I would have divulged to a stranger, but she was saying it, well, like, it was sort of expected of her.
I came up with the best response I could think of, “Umm, yeah, it’s been colder than a mother in law’s love ’round here at night….”
Dude. Yes, I did. And it sounded even more lame than you’re thinking.
She giggled, “I hear ya’. Now, you sound sick, you got a cold or something?”
“Uhhyeah, I think I picked it up this weekend.”
“Girl, you need to take better care of yourself… get some rest. And, don’t forget, honey is good for the throat.”
All I could think about right then is how this conversation would never happen in the manufactured little suburb in which I live here in Central Florida even though it actually has the word “Plantation” in its name.
And. Hey.
Did she just call me “Girl”?
I swear I thought she was going to invite me over after her shift for some chicken noodle soup or something. Or chicken fried steak, mashed taters and gravy. Given my love for chicken fried steak, mashed taters and gravy, you should know that my answer would have been yes.
We resumed this line of conversation until it was time for me to go, at which point I resisted the urge to hug my cashier and engage in the whole, “Well, I really have to get goooin’/But you jus’ got heeeere, honey, sit a spell” line of conversation.
As I walked out to the car with my groceries, it occurred to me that like Luke Bryan says (sort of) and I argued so many years ago: Southern is a state of mind.
It’s warmth.
It’s openness.
It’s the slow deep breath you take as you enjoy everything that’s beautiful, ugly, crazy or sane in your surroundings.
It’s resilience and strength and knowing that no matter the circumstances… you’re gonna be jus’ fiiiine.
I may not be completely Southern, but I’ll tell you what, I’m proud of the parts that are.
…..
As you may know, our friends in the South have been adversely and severely affected by some of the worst tornadoes our nation has seen in its history. They are still in need of our help and attention.
Here at Aiming Low, we’re doing our best not only to bring attention to their plight, but to offer our support. My good friend and fellow Aiming Low staff writer has started a fund to help folks in Alabama get exactly what they need. She’s working on the ground and gathering resources from scratch in an effort to help the communities affected.
Could you please take a moment to help the good people who have taught me the value of a slow breath? Those that have shown beauty, certainly deserve to live in it.
Photo credit: The Bitten Word
About Faiqa Khan
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Born and raised in Alabamer, and I have said ONE MILLION times in my life that Florida is not the South. I feel sure that you are one of us though!
Twitter Name: robinobryant
Well, that’s good enough for me!
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Also Texas. Texas is also not The South. It’s a whole different thing that southernesque, but not The South.
Beautifully written, my hormonal self just teared right up.
Twitter Name: ladyjess78
I’m glad you enjoyed it. And, yeah, Texas not so much, either.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
As an Auburn educated South Floridian (who happens to also love lentils) I can totally relate. Great post!!! I still remember when I was asked if I wanted my iced tea sweet or unsweet. Huh???
Twitter Name: suitcasetricks
Heh, you know if they ask if you want it sweet or unsweet, the tea’s not going to be any good, anyway, amIright?
Twitter Name: Faiqa
I’ve always said I live in Southern Long Island. Way down here is not even remotely like the South. OK, maybe South America.
Twitter Name: msmegan
Snort…. like I said, an entirely different conversation. :-) I have a whole other post in my head about how I’m an honorary Cubana.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
I’m a native central Floridian. I’m from the south. And I’m warm, a-hole. See? Warmth. Central Florida style warmth. Southern warmth.
Twitter Name: totallygross
Heh. Yes, you’re very warm. I get that from you, a lot.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
I wish I could have watched this conversation in real time. I would have loooooved listening to y’all.
Twitter Name: uppoppedafox
I should have recorded it with my phone.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
“I was madder than a pack of wild dogs on a three legged cat.”
Remind me to have you say this next time we see each other.
Also “I was madder’n a wet hen!”
And “Well, bless your heart.”
Twitter Name: s_CSR
Deal, I’ll say that. And, then, I’ll teach you how to curse in Urdu. Then, we can, like, do a show for everyone. :D
Twitter Name: Faiqa
I think you’re pulling my leg :)
Twitter Name: s_CSR
I’m hurt. I was DEAD SERIOUS. Fine. You don’t have to do a show with me. WHAT.EVER.
;-)
(See, that winky face? NOW I’m pulling your leg).
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Teach away, Sensei :)
Twitter Name: s_CSR
Florida is so not southern in that it totally lacks that special kind of charm you only find in the south. Nonetheless, I still say ‘y’all” and make small talk with clerks when they’re not busy ignoring me.
Twitter Name: izzymom
We definitely lack the charm. So, you know, it ends up just coming off jerky in the end, doesn’t it?
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Southern absolutely is a state of mind, a state of being.
It is the very definition of hospitality.
It is an appreciation of colorful personalites.
It is a passion for college football, food that is good tasting more so than good for you, family and nature.
I was born in South, I have lived all around the South – and yes, when I lived in Florida I no longer felt like I was living in the South. I don’t know why it’s not the same, but it just isn’t.
There is a kindness here that you will not find anywhere else in the is country. I know, I’ve travelled across it, several times.
I hope people read this post and decide to show some kindness to those who’ve lost so much.
Me, too.
Also? College football? Huge in Florida. I remember razzing someone once about being a Gator, and there was another person (from “up North”) in the conversation that looked confused. The person I was talking to said, “Oh, we’re from Florida. College football is a big thing.” I was, like, “What? That’s a thing?” :-) But, yes, it’s not the same in a general sense as the “real” South.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
I think New Orleans has its own flair to it as well — especially post-Katrina. Example:
In the summer of 2007, I was chaperoning a week-long trip consisting of about 50 high school students who were active in a youth group. The mission was to work with Habitat for Humanity to build homes in areas ravaged by the Hurricane and its aftermath.
We stayed in a hotel in Metairie — a suburb which had areas hit hard, but a suburb nonetheless. As we were a Jewish group, we provided all of our meals in-house (with the help of the local synagogue), and halfway through the week we discovered that we were very low on breakfast cereal. Since we didn’t have a vehicle at our disposal that evening (at about 10:30 at night), we (myself and another chaperone, female) walked to the nearest convenience store / gas station to see what we could round up.
We asked around and found a VERY enthusiastic bunch of folks who were appreciative that we were there to help. They could have just said “We don’t have large boxes of cereal, sorry.” But instead, they were trying to help us find solutions. There was a 24 hour supermarket further down the road. What really imprinted a memory was the random customer who came in who offered that we jump in the bed of his truck and he’d take us to the supermarket. We politely declined, opting to go in the morning when we had school buses for the kids at our disposal.
But yes — things certainly move at a slower, more laid back pace in the south. There are certainly areas in Florida which count as the south, but you ironically have to travel to the north of the state to find many of them. :)
Twitter Name: mr_shiny
Yep. Been to those places, ran for my life, got the T-Shirt. Also, I agree, New Orleans is a culture unto itself, really.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Being a native Middle Georgian, I never considered Florida The South, either. But you’re right, there’s not a whole heck of a lot of difference (like my Southern speak?) between South GA and North FL. I love this story…kinda makes me miss the heat and the gnats and the non-existent traffic jams, y’all.
Right? And, yeah, North Florida is basically Georgia. I did live up there for a while.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
That’s what I was gonna say. The Florida Panhandle is more Old South culturally than Atlanta is. Yes ma’am. Tallahassee politics are deep fried southern-style as well, for better or worse.
Twitter Name: debontherocks
Thank you so much Faiqa !!!! You are an amazing woman, and southerner ! XOXO
Twitter Name: kimt205
Love you, babe, and so proud of you.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
American geographical designations always confuse me. How is Virginia south? Ohio is not mid-west. I mean really, you’re not even west until you hit the Dakotas. Do you people even look at maps? Does it matter to you if you do? No wonder I get lost every time I go down there. *g*
Twitter Name: therealneeroc
Haha… it’s true. And like someone up there said, northern Florida is more southern than south Florida. Also, I rarely look at maps. Which is why I say stupid stuff like, “Is Zimbabwe still a country?” So.wrong.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Virginia was the capital of the Confederacy so I think that automatically qualifies it as “South”. I always say Florida can be divided into three main cultures: “Southern” (North Florida), “Disney” (Central Florida), and “Northern Cuba/South Jersey” (South Florida). If you need more thoughts about the South, check out one of my favorite Kate Campbell tunes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFsLt3UQLfo
Twitter Name: seewhatyoumeme
Is southern California The South? No, right? Didn’t think so.
I spent many years in Central Virginia, which, while geographically pretty close to the middle of the country, is culturally The South for sure. There’s so much to love and so much to cringe about. Kind of like anywhere, I guess. Mostly, I miss it.
Twitter Name: betadad
Well, Texas is a blend of the West and the South, but it certainly isn’t the deep south. However, I am never reminded of my Southerness more than when I am speaking with my friends friends from California, the Northern US and overseas. Everything I say seems to remind them of Foghorn Leghorn.
Florida? Florida ain’t the south. Florida is where old people go to die and screw up elections.
The old folks tend to congregate in South Florida and it wan’t us who done messed up the election, I tell you what.
Twitter Name: blacktating
I agree with you that lots of Florida doesn’t seem like “The South” having spent my childhood in both central Florida and central Mississippi.
But you go to a small town in FL (try Polk or Alachua counties for example…) and you will find more “southern” than you can handle! :)
Twitter Name: EcoAndi3
Whenever I walk into my local gas station or any “tiny” store in my area, I am instantly greeted with a, “Hi! How are you?” Coming from somewhere in the store. I have to look around to find the person and answer them, “Fine. How are you.” I very rarely get a simple, “Ok.” And checking out is never just a, “Thanks. Come again.” And Lord help me if I buy a tabloid. Then I get either, “What is so-n-so up to?” or “Girl (yes, it’s always girl) you know you shouldn’t be wasting your money on such things!” Leaving my house to purchase anything from a roll of toilet paper or a month’ worth of groceries, it’s always a social event… never just an errand. However, when I leave my neck of the woods, like for example when we traveled to Boston over last fall break, I am instantly reminded that not everyone cares to ask me how my day was/is… and when I ask a stranger in a strange land, “How are you” instead of that awkward (for me) moments of silence while they are ringing up my items, and I get a cold stare back, I realize that, “Oh. That’s right. I am southern. And they are not.”
But when I’ve traveled to Florida, I don’t recall ever experiencing that hard cold stare. It seems like a very friendly place! But, like you said, Florida is southern lite :) Because living in Tennessee, I was raised to believe that Florida is not the south. It just happens to be IN the south, LOL
I grew up in the most civilized part of the country, Los Angeles. We don’t have funny accents or worry about men in hoods chasing us at night.
All that being said I have always enjoyed my trips to the South and have to agree that southerners are quite hospitable.
Quite sorry to see them get hit with so many different natural disasters this year.
Twitter Name: thejackb
I was born and grew up in Central Florida and I have always heard that same line about Florida not being part of the “real South.” Maybe so. I like the “lite” analogy. But, like many other posters here, I say “y’all”, and “fixin’ to” (going to) and “tote” (to carry) and I hold conversations with cashiers. Being Southern truly is a way of living; it’s not about state lines.
And my favorite “southernism”: asshole deep to a long-legged giraffe. (Really deep!) Tits up (dead) is a close second.
Y’all behave now, y’hear?
My understanding of Southern Florida is that it’s in the North… somewhere between New England and New York.
Twitter Name: L8enough
If getting into conversations with people while in line at the grocery store is the yardstick by which to measure Southern-ness, my mother-in-law is the most Southern person in the world. I often ask her, “Who was that?” after witnessing her share intimate family stories with the person standing next to her in line as if she were catching up with a long-lost friend. She invariably answers something like, “Oh, you know, her daughter used to work at that place that served the really good cole slaw who was married to that boy that my cousin’s cousin on the other side dated that one time. . . I never got her name. I can’t believe they never rebuilt that place after it burned. That was the best cole slaw I ever put in my mouth.”
Twitter Name: handflapper
OK WHAT is up with Florida and naming shit after Plantations? I grew up and currently live in Plantation and went to Plantation High and my son will probably go there too. He was born at Plantation General Hospital. Oh, and our HS mascot was a Colonel, like the one from Ole Miss, I shit you not. So yeah, Florida is still *pretty much* the South in many ways.
A funny aside…the University of South Florida is thusly named because no one ever thought they’d ever be anything south of Tampa. Everything in the Ft. Lauderdale/Miami area was really cow pasture for a looong time.
Twitter Name: blacktating
Some of my relatives think I am from the South because I’m in Maryland, but they’re in New England, so anything south of the Mason-Dixon line is “the south” to them. I attend week-long training every year in Athens, GA, and by the end of the first day I’m “fixin’ to” do things and I’ve blessed the hearts of everyone who pissed me off. I think I may have been a Georgia peach in another life.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
On my dad’s side, his family was all from North Carolina and they always considered them the south. I’ve always considered Georgia the south. Florida is south, but I’ve never considered it part of the south.
My recent trip to South Carolina… obviously part of the south.
Twitter Name: martymankins