About Jessica BernJessica is a single mother of a 7 yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy & the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. You can find her over at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and also watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman's journey through her weekly visits to her therapist's office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com dear singlemomwalking and has worked her vlogging magic with Kodak and Seventh Generation and OneStepAhead SF.
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[...] more posted by admin in MY FAMILY, PARENTING, PHOEBE and have No Comments Tags: cure for vaginal dryness, how to discuss vaginal dryness, Replens, vaginal dryness [...]
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DEFINITELY WHEN SHE’S BUTTERING HER MUFFIN – literally and figuratively perfect.
Twitter Name: ladyestrogen
HA! yes. perfection.
NEEEVER!!!! You are right. I don’t need to know anything about my mother’s vagina other than I cam out of it. And even that is pushing the envelope! I prefer to think that I was dropped off by the stork. My mother had a hysterectomy when I was in high school….didn’t they just take the vagina with it???
Twitter Name: missycj03
Yeah, imagining the stork is a much better idea.
Yeah. My mom can handle her own vagina. Wait, that sounds masturbatory. I didn’t mean it like that. My mom doesn’t do that. Never has, never will.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
My mom has never used her V in any way. At all, I have to go now, I’m having visions. not good
*snort* you said ‘buttering her muffin’
aaand I’m 12
Twitter Name: therealneeroc
ready for pathetic? My friend had to point out the analogy with Muffin.
I couldn’t actually watch this after I figured out from the comments what it was about. That’s how little I want to think about…never mind.
Twitter Name: betadad
sorry to put such horrible thoughts in your head. just imagine how I felt, well I guess you can…
Yep. Throw the box at her. Just like she threw books about puberty and the box of sanitary napkins at me. Absolutely.
Yeah, just the kind of thing I would give my Mom for Mother’s Day! NOT. Although she might appreciate it….
Yeah, sticking to the flowers I think.
anything but “the cream” anything. A sock, would be a better gift in my mind.
I was able to focus on YOU experiencing this with thoughts of YOUR mother. That was tolerable…and instructive. I willed myself to not stray from this being YOUR story. I’m ever thankful I am not targeted by women’s products, and that Viagra/prostate ads don’t seem to connote a parallel line of thought. So no visions of dad with a four-hou…SHIT.
Does this mean you haven’t discussed the dangers of a 4 hour erection with your dad yet? You are obviously behind on the parent your parent skills.
Twitter Name: sasstown
You do it everytime.
Make me laugh out loud.
Thank you, Jessica Bern.
This is so funny.
Twitter Name: gdrpempress
I dunno, I’m not sure ANYTHING says, “Thanks for bringing me into the world, Mom,” like being pelted with a tube of glycerine based spray-on lube.
I bet there’s a Hallmark card to go with.
Jessica I just adore you and your arid vag.
Twitter Name: annsrants
this is good timing. I’m picking my mom up from the airport in a few hours. Now we have something to talk about. . . thank you for that!
Twitter Name: lickthefridge
Jessica, you crack me up. Yes, there is really no good time to bring up vaginal dryness..ever!
Twitter Name: osnsmom
My mom’s vagina, (god does she even have one any more? She can’t possibly have any use for it now that her kids have kids. Of course, why am I asking you? I’m sure you don’t know anything about my mom’s vagina or possible lack of one. At least I hope you don’t know anything about that..
Yeah, I’m going to go now….
*ahem*
Twitter Name: msbatman
Oh. Dear. God. Some things need never be discussed with you mother.
Twitter Name: secret agent woman
This is awesomely awesome. Really such a presumptive gift as well. “Mom, I was thinking of you and your vaginal needs.” like anyone would know if their mother still had a vagina and if it needed anything?
Brilliant!
Twitter Name: mintcool
I had to come back and play this for my boyfriend who laughed hard. Funny, funny stuff, Jessica.
Twitter Name: secret agent woman
And now your mail carrier thinks YOU have vaginal dryness. It’s just a win all around.
Twitter Name: wombatcentral
Sometimes it’s best to wait for someone to come to YOU and ask for help.
Which, actually, would be not one tiny bit less awkward.