I have long said that parenting is a lot like raising dogs. Wild dogs with hearing deficiencies and attitude problems.
I grew up with dogs in the house – all sorts of animals really – and thus have seen a lot about disciplining and training such creatures. Unfortunately, I am not an animal person, so not only do I suck at it, I have no patience for it. Then I had two children.
Suddenly we are back in the world of consistency, reward and punishment, positive reinforcement and attempts to evoke pavlovian responses to certain phrases (“Stop!” “No!” “Don’t eat that!”) and tones of voice. It works about as well for me now as it did with our black lab, which is to say not at FREAKING all.
My main problem is that because I have no patience, I have no consistency. This is also a situation where admitting I have a problem is not, in fact, half the battle, unless you mean to say I am losing that battle and it is half over because I am desperately searching for something to use as a white flag.
So some nights, we eat whatever I can manage to create that doesn’t cause another freaking tantrum, and we eat it in front of the TV. We go to bed late and I don’t always make time for a bedtime story. In the morning if the clothes look clean that is good enough and there have been times it is a week before we manage to have a real bath and not just a wipe-down with baby wipes. Probably the only strong, consistent rules are to chew with your freaking mouth closed, no crapping on the carpet and no violence AT ALL.
I feel a bit out of my element even after 4 years. When I hear the Guns and Roses song Welcome to the Jungle, it feels a bit like the sountrack to my life.
It’s gonna bring you to your knees …
About MommyGeek
I don’t think I’ve made a proper meal for me & hubby for 2 weeks now. humph.
Welcome to the jungle
It gets worse here everyday!
lol
Twitter Name: ladyestrogen
I think fast food counts if you take it out of the containers and put it on real plates.
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
In my book, if you used baby-wipes instead of a garden hose, it’s a win.
That is an excellent point. WIN!
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
I have a Mom friend whom never loses her patience. She is always calm, never raises her voice. It’s horrible to watch because I always feel that her carefully chosen words and accurate forms of discipline just more powerfully point out my sucky tactics to mold my children into good people. Thanks for sharing that someone else has periodic problems with maintaining peace and general control of the house.
Twitter Name: themommytherapy
Oh good lord, that is infuriating. My mother is the same way – I swear she never loses her temper with the kids. Sometimes I feel like screaming at her – NO ONE IS THAT CALM!
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
That sounds a lot like my house! After reading this, I have to go clean crayon off the walls and wash stinky pajamas, cloth diapers and sheets. Why must my children’s diapers explode every night?
I and my two collaborators over at 18 Years To Life LOVE Aiming Low. We relate to it so much and we love your philosophy here! For that reason, we have awarded you with the Liebster Blog Award! http://18years2life.blogspot.com/2011/04/liebster-blog-award.html
Twitter Name: 18Years2Life
Cool! Thanks so much! Your house sounds just like mine. Love the name of the blog btw – hilarious!
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
Oh my GOD I am listening to the WORST version of Welcome to the Jungle right now. It’s some soft folk version being sung by a waify sounding girl.
You might like it. If you do, we can’t be friends.
Twitter Name: SugarJones
Well, maybe we can be friends.
But the song sucks, and I’m not backing down on that one!!
Okay… all better.
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I’m talking about the original – what blasphemy have you stumbled upon?!
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
I swear I could have written this myself.
Is there a support group for ineffective parents and their alpha-kids? I’m totally signing up.
Twitter Name: litlsuzzy
Yeah, we meet daily in the comment sections of Aiming Low! :)
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
I am losing the battle everyday. I guess I have to pick and choose what is worth the stress and anxiety but if consistency is key, then I guess I’m locked out again. Lets just crack open a bottle of vino and as long as no one ends up bleeding, I’ll consider it a victory!
Twitter Name: omahamama
As long as no one is bleeding *profusely*. Paper cuts and minor scratches? Those build character!
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
My boyfriend’s sister is the perfectly patient, perfectly healthy and organic, non-yelling mom who has children who love veggies and never whine. I frequently joke that someday if/when my boyfriend, and I have kids i’ll be handing out Twinkies for breakfast while his sister stands there aghast.
No offense? I think your boyfriend’s sister is a Droid, here to unravel our sense of sanity before taking over the earth.
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
my rule is, don’t touch my lap top and don’t eat the chocolate chip balance bars. That is why I bought you the brownie power bars.
and that is about it. oh and shitting on the carpet is a big no no, for both her and the dog