My Chat With Snarky T. Momblogski

A snark of mommybloggers

I know we don’t really write much about the art and science of blogging here at Aiming Low, because we don’t assume that all our readers are bloggers, or that you are even remotely interested in what happens behind the scenes in the blog-i-verse.

But I just had to indulge in a little metablognition here, because I’m still buzzing with excitement from having recently attended the Mom 2.0 Summit in New Orleans.

Yeah, that New Orleans; not the boring one in France with all the castles.

It was the first mommyblogging conference I’ve ever attended, and it did not disappoint.

First of all: New Orleans.  Right?

Secondly, I met up with a bunch of guys I “knew” from blogging, but didn’t know in the flesh, and together we formed the nucleus of a small but highly visible (and audible) contingent of daddybloggers at the conference.  At least we acted like the nucleus.  If nuclei act like a bunch of drunken frat boys who also happen to be sensitive, involved parents.

(While I’m on the subject of dads/daddybloggers and our place in the parenting/blogging communities, I’m duty bound to mention that one of the big announcements at the end of the conference was that next spring, the folks behind Mom 2.0 Summit, with Doug French, a.k.a Laid Off Dad, at the helm, will be bringing us Dad 2.0 Summit, a conference for mommybloggers with y-chromosomes.  No word yet on where it will be held–the only certainties are that it won’t be in a dry county, and the vibe will be somewhere between BlogHer and Thunderdome.)

But it wasn’t just meeting (and perhaps quaffing the occasional malted beverage with) my daddyblogging buddies that made the event so amazing.  I also hung out with many of my sister-friends from Aiming Low (with whom I may have enjoyed the odd cocktail and booty-shaking session), and met some of the Big Names in parentblogging.  Like pretty much all of the Big Names.  And they were all very personable and gracious.  Just as an example (not to drop Huge Huge Names or anything), when I handed my card, emblazoned with the image from my blog header, to a certain dooce™, she looked at it and said, “Oh, yeah…I’ve seen this,” which I’m sure she doesn’t just say to everyone she meets to be polite.

As starstruck as I was to meet some of the OGs of the blogging world, nothing blew my mind more than meeting the woman who is widely considered the inventor of mommyblogging, and after whom the genre is named: Snarky T. Momblogski.

And let me tell you, she is exactly like her blog persona.  Or at least she was acting just like her blog persona.  Maybe that’s also her conference persona.  Anyway, for someone like me, who not only blogs, but is a student of the sociological phenomenon of performative parenting in the online space, this was a huge opportunity.  What follows is a transcript of what I can remember from our conversation.

EXT.  THE VERANDA OF AN ANTEBELLUM MANSION, ENTWINED WITH MAGNOLIA VINES AND MINT JULEP BLOSSOMS.

A group of well-heeled ladies with champagne glasses, and some grubby dudes drinking tall boys of Four Loko mill around and chit-chat.

SNARKY

Oh, look.  You’re one of those boys I’ve been hearing about.

ME

Good things, I hope.

SNARKY

I hear you travel in a pack and use the buddy system to got to the bathroom LOLZ.

ME

Yeah.  Well.  Heh, heh.  We do tend to stick together, I guess.

SNARKY

Y’all…

(I look around for other people within earshot, and find none)

…These boys are adorable.  They bring teh funny, and they bring the Four Loko, and they look all rugged with their stubbly chins and their pit stains, and it just. Kills. Me. How cute it is when they try to suck in their beer guts whenever a woman walks by.

ME

(Sucks in gut)

Do I sense a hint of patronizing in your tone of voice?

SNARKY

OMFG, No!  It’s just that when I see your cute little daddyblogger faces, I’m all NOM NOM NOM!

ME

See ?!  Patronizing.

SNARKY

*blink blink*

ME

What does that mean–asterisk blink blink asterisk?

SNARKY

You’ve got a lot to learn about blogging, son.

ME

I know.

(hangs head)

SNARKY

It’s “*hangs head*.”  Not “(hangs head).”  Look, I like you kid.  Ima drop some wisdom on you.  What do you want to know about blogging?

ME

Really?  All I want to know is, how do I become as popular as you?

SNARKY

Really?  That’s it?

ME

That was sarcastic, right?

SNARKY

Yeah.  We haven’t really developed a good way to indicate sarcasm yet.  We need a special font or something.

ME

Or like HTML tags or something?

SNARKY

Don’t be an idiot, kid.  Look.  If you want to be as big as me, this is what you do: just be yourself and stay true to your authentic voice and make sure your content is your utmost concern and talk about vaginas a lot and use run-on sentences and talk about drinking vodka but every once in a while share your most heartbreaking, poignant experiences but then deflect it a little bit with some self-deprecation and talk about what an idiot you are and make sure you bring teh funny.  This?  Is how it’s done.  But also?  You need to blah blah blah SEO blah blah leverage your brand blah blah audience blah blah marketing blah sponsors blah blah blah ad network blah blah blah blah social networking blah blah maven.  Word?  Word.

ME

*blink blink*

SNARKY

Exactly.