Lists of shit in my jeans & in my genes

I am constantly consumed with lists.

To-do lists, grocery lists, idea lists, lists about blogging, lists on my phone, lists on my laptop, lists on my bulletin board, my bucket list, people on my shit list, a running list of items that I can hold under my boob (included: a VCR. So proud of that).

It’s a necessary evil. If I don’t write shit down, I forget it. It’s how I manage my ADD. It helps me focus.

I have a tendency to add unnecessary items to them solely for the purpose of amusing myself.

I also really enjoy hijacking other people’s lists & secretly adding “buy chlamydia cream” or “don’t forget to wash the dingleberries off of your butt.”

It’s fun for me. Not so much for those who have children who read.

Once in awhile I leave notes for myself. I’ll leave them in coat pockets & purses & in the box with all our Christmas decorations. I found this one yesterday:

I wondered if I was the only one who does this & then I remembered discovering a list that my mother had inscribed. I liked it so much I took a picture of it. And then made fun of her. She loved that.

Do shit around the house? Meds? GIN?!

Even if I didn’t look just like her, it’s more than obvious that I am the fruit of her loins.

There is a method to the madness.

About Robin Plemmons

Robin Plemmons is an artist. She makes greeting cards in her own funky handwriting that say things like, "Congratulations on making a human with your genitals!" & "I hope you washed your crotch because I'm about to put my face in it." You can find them in her Etsy Shop. She blogs at ballstothewallyall.com & tweets like a horny hyena. Follow her if you like that kind of thing: @robinplemmons.

Comments

  1. Aimee says:

    Holy hell, this made me laugh out loud. I am a compulsive list maker as well. I love to write things that I’ve already completed on my lists just so I can cross them off and feel like I’ve accomplished something. I’m stealing your idea of sneaking funny stuff on other people’s lists. I’m going to start doing that to my hubby’s work lists. :)

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    • I’m telling you, it’s so much fun to add stupid shit to people’s lists. I look for them at my friend’s houses. They’re usually on their refrigerator or on a desk. Go forth & fuck up some lists!

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  2. Brittany says:

    I’ve never seen the F word look so pretty. I’ve probably rarely seen it written (versus typed). Somehow you make it look so pretty, neat, and ladylike (completely not vulgar). Would my mother approve of it’s use if I began writing it like that?

  3. Thank God I’m not the only one. I’ve even been known to make a list that tells me to remember to put my grocery/wal-mart list in my purse before I leave the apartment. My husband is highly amused by it all. His life would be hell if I didn’t have lists.

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  4. Sara says:

    This makes me feel better about my own lists. I make them on Post-It notes or e-mail them to myself. With two toddlers, I’d never remember to do anything if I didn’t make lists!

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  5. Poppy says:

    Your Mom’s hand writing is so similar to yours I personally would have to do a double take. Med’s? Gin? Scratches head and wonders what that was about.. wondering if I had consumed a lot of meds and gin and that is why I could not remember ;)

  6. BetaDad says:

    My mom’s a listmaker too. But her lists reflect her sternest, most efficient side. I grew up on her lists and now can’t write lists for myself without editing and revising them so they would be worthy or her. I know–”paging Dr. Freud…”

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  7. Melissa says:

    Oh my god you have the most beautiful handwriting ever! I want it as a font it so freaking pretty and perfect!

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  8. Deb Rox says:

    I love finding people’s grocery list in buggies and make up stories about them. You mom wins with how groceries are iffy, but Gin is a must. Groceries? GIN.

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  9. Vikki says:

    I hope she at least picked up some limes to go with that gin.

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