How to Eat Girl Scout Cookies
- Have a friend with two daughters. Think about how selling cookies helps them learn about money, community, and a job well done. Buy 3 boxes from each.
- Forget about the whole thing.
- Four weeks later, get a box at your doorstep full of cookies.
- Tell the people that live in your house that there is NO WAY you will eat these cookies quickly, that it would take months for you to even make a dent. Make them stop laughing at you.
- Polish off one entire box out of a perfunctory duty to “just make sure they’re okay.”
- Hide the rest in the bottom of a closet.
- A few days later, open another box. Eat a row of cookies. Eat one more to make the box even. Finish the box to really even it out.
- Complain to your boyfriend about how fat you feel.
- Eat another box out of shame.
- Forget about cookies for a few days.
- Get a sweet tooth one afternoon and eat a few cookies.
- Make a cup of tea; use tea as justification for eating 4 more cookies.
- Finish the box, fully acknowledging your lack of self-control.
- Have breakfast with the friend who sold you the cookies, where she confesses her family has already eaten 10 boxes.
- Go home and eat another box, develop false sense of pride about the fact that it’s less than ten boxes.
- Feel disgusting.
- Wait a few days. Eat a few cookies out of the last box.
- Promise to savor the last box.
- Eat the rest of the last box absentmindedly while watching “Justified”.
- Look at your distended stomach and swear to yourself that you will never buy Girl Scout Cookies again.
About DanielleH
We Brits don’t get Girl Scout cookies. I shall have to make do with 16′s homemade chocolate brownies and gorge my shame on them.
Don’t think I can’t do it.
Twitter Name: penbleth
If you are chowing down on homemade brownies, you are FAR better off than us Yanks, jamming our faces full of stale little cookies.
You say that like it’s a bad thing!
Twitter Name: izzymom
“20.Look at your distended stomach and swear to yourself that you will never buy Girl Scout Cookies again.”
Until next year or when you see the cherubs with their table set up outside of the grocery store. Those grocery store ones are my downfall.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
They’re like little ninjas. As soon as I’m done with my cookies, swearing never again to buy or eat any, they start setting up at every grocery store. I’m dodging them all through April.
I don’t know what they put in them to make it impossible to stop eating until the whole box is gone. Crack, probably.
Twitter Name: ladyjess78
And they also psyche you out with the package size – it’s so tiny! It doesn’t matter if I eat all of these – look at how TINY! And then BOOM, you’ve eaten your way through 4 boxes in a matter of minutes. PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE.
And yet next year the cycle starts ALL OVER AGAIN.
Damn Girl Scouts.
Twitter Name: uthostage
Seriously. I need to get some willpower.
I would like to applaud your ability to forget about them for a few days. I pretty much eat a box a day until they’re gone.
What disgusts me is the people who keep boxes of girl scout cookies in their freezer. It makes me want to kick them when I see those boxes in their freezer MONTHS after girl scout cookie season. It’s undeniable proof that they have far more self discipline than I do.
Also, the freezer makes them taste terrible. At least, this is what I tell myself to justify the NEED to eat them all before they go stale.
We call my aunt the “Cookie Dealer” as somehow each year she ends with with at least a dozen boxes of girl scout cookies. She’ll buy them from the girls in the neighborhood (as she has 2 boys) and then proceeds to ask everyone (multiple times) who even mentions the word cookie, if they would like a box of whatever kind she happens to have. This will go on for months.. because if she’s not carrying them in her car, she has them stocked in her freezer. I can’t even make one box last a full week and she has dozens just sitting in her back seat.. untouched. How does one NOT eat girl scout cookies that are just sitting there!!
I can’t decide if she’s cruel or a GENIUS.
Yeah, those cookies mock me.
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
I bend to their will.
ROFL – this is how I eat them, totally right on!
Twitter Name: brandyellen
Girl Scout cookies are so much smaller now, as are the sleeves themselves, so really, you’re coming out ahead. (I can rationalize almost anything. Let me know if you ever need any help in that area :)
Twitter Name: izzymom
They totally are! AND the box is bigger than the contents.
I have an extra step that I sprinkle throughout- getting the cookies an and out of the freezer. Frozen thin mints are the devil’s bait.
Twitter Name: LisaACOTA
I can’t even let them sit long enough to get them IN the freezer.
Oh my God, I laughed so hard. I’m glad I’m not the only one for whom Girl Scout cookies are kryptonite. I recently bought and ate a whole box of Tagalongs in one day and felt like such a loser. This post made me feel better!
Twitter Name: 18Years2Life
You are in good company. :)
This is why I’ll never allow my girls to do any scouting.
It’s probably for the best.
I think you’re lying about #2 and #10.
Twitter Name: DTKMMeLookCrazy
Oh there is no winning with the cookies. At least I make the significant other help with the eating. So that way instead of eating five boxes of Samoas and Thin Mints, I’ve only eaten 2.75. It would only be 2.5, but I eat faster.
my solution to exorcising the house of thin mints: put them in homemade ice cream. the surplus of organic cream and DIY made for a convincing argument.
Twitter Name: Sandra Pieloch