“Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses” – Dorothy Parker.
With apologies to Ms. Parker, I’d like to disagree.
But let me back up. You see, after a solid two months of getting horrible headaches every time I opened a computer or read a book, not to mention my *ahem* age, the writing on the wall was clear. Okay, it was kind of fuzzy but I knew what it said. I needed to get myself to an optometrist quickly.
The doctor confirmed what I already knew – a pair of glasses was in order STAT. Like any self-respecting woman in the 21st century, I took this as an opportunity to get myself a shiny new accessory and after a half hour with the wonderfully helpful women in the eyewear department I ordered some snazzy new designer frames. Then my dilated eyes and I drove home. Which is another story for another day. But I digress.
But then doubt hit me.
Beyond the fact that I had emptied a sizable portion of my bank account on frames that due to the dilating eye drops I couldn’t really see so well and had relied on the kindness of strangers to pick out, I was worried about this new stage in my life. Would I look older? Dowdy? Or worse, like my mother? I’m knocking on the door of 40, I could definitely see myself punching someone in the throat for that comparison.
A week and much Googling of Lifestyle Lifts later and I was picking up my new glasses. I tried them on in the store but I didn’t really get a good look at them. I needed to be alone with them. I needed to learn to work the angles and to get to know the new me – the one who has to ask her kids to fetch her eyeglass case before looking at school papers. As far as I was concerned I was now one step away from asking them to fetch my teeth from the glass on the sink. And I may as well kiss my days as a desirable woman goodbye, no doubt my husband would laugh his ass off at the dowager that was sharing his bed in her spectacles and granny gown…
What’s that? Overreacting? Who me? Maybe a little. It’s what I do.
That night was the real test – while crashed on the couch with my husband watching Veronica Mars on Netflix and checking emails on our respective computers I quietly slipped the glasses on. After a few minutes and much clearing of my throat he looked over at me and… Well, the rest is none of your damn business. Suffice it to say, the naughty librarian fantasy is alive and well and residing in my husband’s psyche. Just now while sitting down to write this he brought over my glasses and with a knowing look said, “Here. I don’t want you to get a headache.”
I wonder what he meant by that?
So with all due respect, Dorothy, you can take that quote and stick it. I may not be a girl anymore but we’re doing just fine in the, um, passes department around here. Thanks to my new glasses.
About ChickyBaby
This is true. Glasses = sexy. I used to WANT glasses so much when I was a kid (not because I wanted to be sexy, but because I thought they looked cool.) I have some now, and sometimes I wear them, and it is good.
Twitter Name: 21stcenturymrs
I would wear them all the time, if only I remembered where they were.
Twitter Name: chickybaby
When I started wearing glasses (sixth grade, but I’m not going to tell you how many years ago that was), there were not nearly so many styles of frames as now. Glasses were dorky then, now they are a fun accessory.
I give some credit to Tina Fey for making glasses attractive.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
Tina Fey is my idol so of course I had to get glasses just like her.
Twitter Name: chickybaby
Kyle recently got a pair of reading glasses, and I like them so well that I wish he wouldn’t leave them at work.
Yours are lovely, dahling. Just like the rest of you.
Twitter Name: thejuliemarsh
Love you. *slips you a twenty for the compliment*
Twitter Name: chickybaby
You should get one of those chains so you have them at the ready. Heh.
Twitter Name: Izzymom
I want one of those chains! I WILL make them look cool.
Twitter Name: chickybaby
I had Tina Fey glasses before Tina Fey had them. And they are sexy. They look fantastic on you.
Twitter Name: Julia Zegarra
Tina Fey is a total sex symbol. Smart girls (and smart looking girls) are sexy.
Twitter Name: chickybaby
You look wicked shahp.
Twitter Name: twobusy
You forgot to add the “hey” to the end of that. It should be “wicked shahp, hey”. Or don’t they do that in your neck of the woods?
Also, thanks.
Twitter Name: chickybaby
They look great!! I’m a permanent glasses wearer myself.
I have to say, when my husband throws on his specs (he usually wears contacts), it becomes the male version of the naughty librarian.
Twitter Name: lucynamackay
I think it’s the whole Clark Kent/Superman thing. Totally sexy.
Twitter Name: chickybaby
You look fantastically sexy.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Thanks darlin’. But now you won’t recognize me. ;)
(That really never gets old.)
Twitter Name: chickybaby
You KNOW, I was going to do a “Hey, nice to meet you” comment but I thought it would be trite. Ahem. LOL.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Having (and needing.. I’m practically blind0 glasses for going on 24ish years, I have heard that “lovely” Ms. Parker saying many a time. So for years when I was younger I wanted to not wear glasses. Yet as I grew up when I wore contacts I got hit on less and when I wore my glasses I tended to get the naughty/sexy librarian thing. So now I just wear my glasses, because hey they look pretty good and it’s not every day that some one calles me sexy! PS.. I LOVE your frames.. do you mind sharing who makes them?!
Who knew glasses had so much power?? And the frames – They’re Coach.
Twitter Name: chickybaby