Aiming NOLA

Very soon several of the Aiming Low ladies and gents will be descending upon the city of New Orleans for the Mom 2.0 Summit. That city is my second home, the place where so many of the best times of my life happened. It is a place full of eye-popping curiosities and beauty that often gets overshadowed by the attention to Bourbon Street and it’s carnival like atmosphere. Not that Bourbon Street isn’t amazing as well, it very much is. As my 18 year old cousin put it on his birthday trip there, “It’s like one big bar!”

If you are going to NOLA for Mom 2.0 or anything at all, enjoy everything the city has to offer. Leave the calorie counter at home, because you don’t want to miss the food. Bring the anatacids and the aspirin too, because you may want to wash it down with some of the area’s signature spirits. And have fun, but be careful, don’t wander off the beaten path, travel with a buddy or several, and keep your valuables on you or in the hotel safe. I’ll give you a few pointers on how to conduct yourself safely before we get to the fun stuff……

* If someone approaches you and tells you that they know where you got your shoes, say to them “On my feet.” They are trying to get you to engage in a conversation that will leave you a few dollars lighter. Same with someone stopping you and telling you that you are being cited for having too much fun. They are trying to get you to pay $20 for a crappy hat and a cheap sticker.

* Pickpockets are rampant, especially at night in a crowd. Keep your bag or wallet close, and don’t wear a backpack or anything rear-facing that contains valuables. You might as well write “PILFER THROUGH ME” on it. Your best bet is to carry your cash and a few credit cards in your pocket and anything else you must have in a small bag. Expensive electronics, cameras, jewelry and accessories will get you attention you don’t want.

* There are tons of street performers, musicians and entertainers everywhere. If you enjoy their show, tip them appropriately. But don’t give in to demands for more money and if they start to follow or harass you, find a cop. They know better, and honestly, most of them, even the kids, make more cash money during Mardi Gras and JazzFest than we do in a year. And don’t feel sorry for the guy with the eye patch and the “homeless” sign outside Pat O’Briens. A local news station discovered he averages about 4K a month. And he’ll have the patch on the opposite eye next time you pass. He’s been there since I got my driver’s license….and that’s been a long time.

* If you get lost, stop in a business and ask someone. Don’t keep wandering, because there are parts of the city right off the touristy areas that are dangerous. New Orleans has a history of violent crime, and unfortunately many incidences are a case of wrong place, wrong time.

Now for the fun stuff !

* Take the streetcar everywhere if you can. It’s cheaper than a cab, and the ride down St. Charles Avenue is gorgeous. Take in the beautiful homes of the Garden District as you roll along on of the most unique avenues in the country. It will take you all the way down to the Audubon Park and zoo, and there are several places to stop and eat and shop along the line. Do yourself a HUGE favor and make some time for Magazine Street, which has lots of amazing shops and restaurants, including Sucre , an emporium of sweets that will take your breath away. Then stop by my friend Lauren’s place, Fleurty Girl, where you can get some great New Orleans inspired tee’s and gifts. Check out the Magazine Street Merchant’s site for more info and to plan your shopping assault!

* The French Market is a fabulous place to shop and get some of the flavors of New Orleans. You can pick up souvenirs, jewelry, hand crafted items and of course the usual junk and imitation designer items. If you want t-shirts and stuff for the kids, your best deals are here. There is also a farmer’s market where you can get many Louisiana classics.

* I never go to the city without visiting the artists that are gathered all around Jackson Square. There are some extremely talented people selling their wares in this area, including an amazing artist named Ricco Rideaux who paints on old pieces of wood and metal he salvaged after Hurricane Katrina. Do yourself or someone a favor, support these folks and take home a true piece of New Orleans to brighten your home.

* Us cajuns have a language all our own. My grandfather didn’t speak English until he was 12, just french and a blend of Louisiananisms. You could tell when he or my father were really mad because they cursed in french. I will easily slip back into speaking it approximately .5 seconds after crossing the state line. Even though I moved away, I’m still a “Yat.” If I ask you “Where Yat?”, I’m just wanting to know “How you durrin?” If you say you are ready to “make groceries”, then it’s time to shop for dinner. If someone asks ” How’s yer Momma and them?”, they aren’t being nosy, just friendly. If you want your po-boy with lettuce, tomato and minez, you want it “dressed”. Plain, then you want “nuttinonit”. If you need to pee, you need to find a “terlet”. Or da battroom. If you want something sweet, get you a praline, not a pray-leen. You wrench your hands in the zink. You put earl in your car. If someone tells you to suck the head, don’t be offended, they just telling you how to eat crawfish, dawlin’. And there ain’t no such thing as un-sweet tea, boo. For more info on how to tawk rite, click here. We’ll have you saying Tchoupitoulas, Boudreaux, Pontchartrain and lagniappe like a local. Yea you rite.

* Apps – if you have a smartphone, be sure and download some of the many New Orleans apps that are available including My New Orleans Travel Guide, NOLA.com, French Quarter Finder and many more available at Appfinder.

* It is perfectly acceptable and almost a requirement to stroll around with a cocktail, no matter the hour. “Go-cups” are the accessory du jour in the Quarter, and I recommend filling them with your favorite daiquiri flavor or my personal favorite, “HUGE ASS BEERS TO GO” …

* BEADS. They are fabulous shiny trinkets of love that rain down upon you from balconies and strangers on the street. They are not worth going to jail over though. DO NOT FLASH THE BOOBIES FOR THEM. The Quarter is awash with NOPD and they will snatch you up and take you to Central Lockup before you can get the beads around your neck. And that place is no.fun.at.all. Really. You can buy beads at just about every store and if you are driving in, there are two Mardi Gras supply places right off I-10 in Slidell at the Spanish Trail exit. Spend your money on something fun, not bail.

* Food in New Orleans is an experience. It’s a mouth-gasm of smells and flavors, many unlike you have never experienced. The seafood industry is back after last year’s oil spill, and fresh seafood is abundant. Have some oysters at Felix’s, the best shrimp around at Deanie’s, a muffelata at Central Grocery on Decatur, and for the best po-boys in the city ? Mother’s or my friend Jeff’s bar, Tracey’s in the Irish Channel. And you have to have cafe au lait and beignets at New Orleans own Cafe Du Monde. Late night post Cat’s Meow karaoke dining? Gotta be a Lucky Dog or the best burger in town at the always open Clover Grill.
Other places to check out…..

• Galatoire’s – old school upscale dining at it’s best, a New Orleans landmark.
• Commander’s Palace – Garden district elegance since the 1800′s. Don’t miss it.
• Mulate’s – Put on your dancing shoes, cause there is cajun dancing and awesome food 7 days a week.
• Pierre Masparo’s –  New Orleans classics in a fantastic atmosphere.
• Brennan’s – the best breakfast in the city, and the best Bloody Mary’s.
• Willie Mays Scotch House - open only for lunch 11-3, this treasure boasts the best fried chicken ON THE PLANET. Winner of the James Beard award.

There are so many more to list, and sometime’s just walking by and checking out the menu is the best way to find a great place to eat. Check out Nola.com’s restaurant guide for more.

* As I mentioned before, New Orleans is a town that love’s it’s alcohol. Some of the best bars in the world are here, with an atmosphere all their own. I recommend The Carousel Bar at The Hotel Monteleone, it revolves even if you aren’t drinking! Also check out Lafitte’s on Bourbon, The Sazerac at The Roosevelt, The Chart Room, and of course, the infamous Pat O’Briens on St Peter. On Bourbon Street  you have your pick of dives and karaoke/dance bars, one of the favorites being Tropical Isle and their signature drink, The Hand Grenade. Remember that name as it will feel like one went off in your head if you have too many. Check out The Gambit’s Top 50.

* Music. What can I say that hasn’t been sung? From the street musicians scattered everywhere to Snug Harbor and the clubs along Frenchmen Street , take it in. And if you happen to be in town on the 13th, see a true legend of the NOLA music scene, Kermit Ruffins, free at the Wednesdays In The Square series.

There is so much more to tell you, but you and I both need to get packing and get ready! Speaking of packing, even in April, New Orleans is HOT. And humid. There’s a breeze off the Mississippi River, which you need to take a stroll along as well, but otherwise it will most likely be warm with highs in the 80′s during the day and maybe high 60′s at night. Might want to leave everything but a light windbreaker at home. And SHOES ? Make sure they are comfortable and you can do a lot of walking in them! Everyone is gonna be looking at your boobs anyway.

See y’all in New Orleans, and as we like to say, Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler !!