Aiming Low Exposed – the NOLA Edition

Earlier this month I had the opportunity to attend a blogging conference in New Orleans with several of my fellow low aimers. It was a great chance to put faces to names and gather blackmail material that could come in handy during future negotiations.

However, I am anti-blackmail.

And so, in an effort to level the playing field and remove any temptation for extortion, I’ve decided to share with you exactly what I learned about the writers and editors who work so hard here at Aiming Low.

Let’s begin with our Operations Editor  IzzyMom.

I had the distinct pleasure of rooming with IzzyMom at the Ritz-Carlton in New Orleans, and by distinct pleasure I mean she didn’t leave the bathroom when I had to poop. True story. We were in the middle of a conversation and she was so riveted by whatever it was that I was saying that she just stayed in the bathroom while I did my bidness.

I’m pretty sure that makes us related now.

Next up, Special Projects Editor Robin Plemmons.

Robin asked the masseuse at the spa to do a prostate exam for free, which was completely unprofessional. Everyone knows you have to tip extra for that. This story is 100% true. Robin is like a walking advertisement for parental controls.

Robin was assigned to be Anissa’s official pusher for the trip, and then she tried to kill Anissa in the shower. I’m thinking she’s got some really good dirt on Anissa that she has not yet been fired. Speaking of our big boss lady…

Founder and Lead Editor, Anissa Mayhew did absolutely nothing scandalous.

Boring.

Our Managing Editor Cecily Kellogg, however, tried to kill me with her germs.

Actually, I can’t say anything bad about Cecily ever again in life because she gave me a gift certificate to the spa courtesy of BodyLogicMD. The only thing I like better than a trip to the spa is a free trip to the spa. Cecily can do no wrong now in my eyes forever and ever, Amen.

Except for the fact that she did not introduce me to her friend Heather B. Armstrong.

*cough*bullshit*cough*

Moving on to the Aiming Low underlings writers.

I am pleased to inform all of you that Faiqa was so loud and inappropriate on Saturday night that I had to give her etiquette tips. It was a very proud moment for me as everyone is usually more appropriate than me. She spent most of the conference being very polite and professional and charming the socks off of everyone she met, but lo! On Saturday! She had more champagne than food and was LOUD y’all! Making inappropriate jokes of a religious nature!

I plan to send her a card a year from now commemorating that night.

I also plan to have to change my number in order to get her to answer my calls again.

Most of the other writers behaved exceptionally well in my presence. Kim and Chicky Baby, for example, were delightful without being obnoxious. At least that’s how they appeared from across the room.

Ron, we discovered, is actually hot.

Like, really hot.

Even his voice was hot.

Oh, and I guess he wrote a book or something. Blah blah blah.

Hot.

Unfortunately I cannot offer photographic evidence of said hotness because Ron is one of the least photogenic people I’ve ever met. Ugly people take better pictures than Ron.

Such a shame.

Speaking of dudes who write here – did you guys know that Sting is actually a staff writer for Aiming Low?

I know!

He writes under the pseudonym BetaDad and kept making us call him Andy or Adam or Arthur or something that starts with an A – but we could totally tell it was him.

And that about wraps it up.

Fortunately, I didn’t do anything embarrassing in New Orleans.