For years my mom has told me that I inherited her “Acute Hearing” as in Acute Hearing is a Certifiable Condition. A condition she is sure she unknowingly passed on to me, her youngest daughter. If you knew anything about the genetics in my family you would know that this is entirely possible. We are a geneticist’s dream I tell you. But back to my Acute Hearing condition.
It’s true, I hear everything magnified. I don’t really know how I know that this diagnosis is real (I’ve never consulted Google U) except to say that I can be sitting in a loud restaurant and it happens. The astounding rudeness of a diner! The nerve to be stirring their sugar vigorously – with a spoon no less – into their unsweetened tea four tables away! I hear it and I cannot focus on anything else that is happening around me until the stirring stops. That irritating sound makes a beeline to the core of my brain. Those close to me know the severity of my condition because I’ve let them into the inner circle of my pain.
Perhaps you know an Acute Hearing sufferer. Let me let you in their inner circle of pain…
- Swallowing loudly. Why must people gulp when they swallow? When you gulp (oh love of my life) and blame it on a family condition, the “We All Do It Syndrome” I don’t believe you. I also don’t appreciate you teaching your daughter how to gulp loudly. I don’t gulp. I chew and swallow and done. Quietly.
- Nail clipping. It doesn’t bother me to clip my own – because I don’t do it in an irritating way like most people. Do you have to clip your nails inside the house where I can hear you? Also, if you ever and I mean, EVER have removed your shoes and socks and clipped your toenails on a plane in first class – as I witnessed one very horrifying day – you should NEVER admit it and you should go and look in the mirror and slap yourself for me. Please, do that for all people with Acute Hearing. I know I’d feel better.
- Gum cracking. I must know, why are the most talented gum crackers always standing in line behind me? Or sitting 2 seats away from me in the theater when there are some 180 other empty seats? The only safe place for gum cracking is when one is completely alone or in prison. Especially in prison where there are bars to keep people like me hurting people like gum-cracking mofos.
- Pen clicking and pencil tapping are both in the same group. To my brain there is no difference. Why does this not bother the people who click and tap? If it did then they would not be doing it in a business meeting or on jury duty. People seem to do this carelessly like they don’t even hear. Even if one isn’t afflicted with Acute Hearing, they must hear it and know it’s just a sound that is so wrong, right? I am not sure why it was ever invented; the clicking and tapping.
- Biting into loud food like chips without shutting your mouth before you bite down. Do you know what I mean? Biting down THEN closing your mouth to chew? Let’s add eating a banana loudly, with a wet clicking noise, to this group since it’s food. Who thinks any of this is acceptable? I assure you people with Acute Hearing do not. If you were married to someone who did this you might turn around and leer at him angrily when he is having a simple snack at the counter. You’d be leering because he was in the wrong. He is blanketed in wrongness.
Maybe there is a person in your life who is affected by the Acute Hearing condition like me and you’d like to help them in life. Then please stop these annoying sounds immediately. No more eating loudly, tapping and clicking or cracking that gum. Stop clipping your nails where people can hear you and especially in public and on planes. If you stop doing these things you will be a hero. MY HERO. Acute Hearing sufferers around the world will be a little bit happier. Thank you. And you’re welcome.
About Julia Roberts
I have a serious problem with people. (mostly small people) who rub balloons. Clowns at restaurants making balloon animals seriously make me want to start stabbing people. No kidding. My kids were rarely allowed to have balloons and NEVER in the car. That sound just flips my crazy switch to ON!
Twitter Name: pqforlife
Oh Nancy, of course! Balloons! Horrible and for sure a way to send me into a fetal position (forget the clown party!).
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
What about the clicking noises added into movies for heels on hard floors? Or exagerated mouth noises during ‘romantic’ scenes. Or someone trying to unwrap a peppermint without being noticed?? Hellooo??? sounds like a jet plane.
Only babies get away with smacking. Babies.
so with you on this.
I know! Who ARE THOSE PEOPLE!?
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
Ugh…loud kissing noises in movies and TV shows makes me want to vomit. Don’t they have some sound editor person who can, you know, SILENCE THAT SHIT?
Twitter Name: izzymom
Seriously. The click, click of spit and lips! Horribly horrible.
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
Fork on teeth. AAAGGHHHH! And, any utensil cutting into a styrofoam plate — makes my pits tingle to even type that!
Twitter Name: returntoworkmom
Oh, that is a GOOD ONE! Yes, also irritating and should be stopped immediately!
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
What about cars that rock because the speaker along with the sound is so loud that my stomach becomes queasy. Sometimes I understand road rage.
I would love to tell you, my youngest daughter, that the infliction will improve with age, but alas it does not. I have recently had my hearing tested and need hearing aids, but it hasn’t helped the “irritants” at all. Fortunately your father hides to clip his nails as well as not chewing gum with his mouth open around me. There is hope.
Mom! NOoooooo! Don’t tell me I can have bad hearing and still be bothered by these things. Life is so unfair.
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
OMG, I am right there with you! The sound of someone eating drives me absolutely INSANE. And I married a Loud Eater who was never taught to chew with his mouth closed (as evidenced by his entire family…eating a meal with them is akin to a freight train slamming its brakes on a blackboard to me). The gulping, the lip smacking, the squishing and crackling of food – GAG ME.
Luckily my 6 yo daughter is taking after me and can’t stand it either :) A few years ago when her little brother was about 1 and too little to understand closing his mouth, we were all sitting at the dinner table and she busts out with “Mommy! Guess what! Girls chew with their mouths closed and boys don’t!” Bwahahaha! Hubby was mortified for about 12.6 seconds before resuming with the lip smacking. Next time I’ll have to have her announce her observation in public…maybe THAT will work.
Oh yes, the loud eaters. Right up there with loud gulping which my husband happily passed on. It is not right!
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
YES. And flossing! I don’t understand why anyone needs to floss by me in the first place, but oh. my. god.
It’s gross to floss in front of people! Ick!
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
I can’t stand the sound of people eating, either! And hearing teeth scraping against silverware is torture… and totally unnecessary!! Also can’t stand the sound of noisy breathing, like when someone’s got a cold, or the dreaded nose whistle. Also? The sounds of my cats grooming themselves. Also? Paper. Anything scraping against paper, including more paper. I love reading books, but I’m sure glad I have a Kindle now. It’s less noisy. Maybe that one’s just me…
Twitter Name: thezestyb
Yes! All of that too! You know, I understand there are people that these things don’t bother. I think WHAT!?
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
All. The. Above. Because I’m Barbara’s daughter too. What about Ice Chewing. Sadly, I married on of those….
Twitter Name: Pat Cowan
Oh hell yes! The ice chewing! I would have listed that but since my own husband doesn’t do it….
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
I’m with you. The sound of eating, gum cracking, nail clipping – all of it – is enough to make me over-the-top annoyed. Add in the cat licking himself and wind chimes from the neighbours and I’m in a black rage.
Years ago I lived in a house where the landlord and his family lived downstairs. We used to get horrible wind storms and the sound of the tree outside my bedroom window tapping against the house made me so irritated I couldn’t sleep at night. I convinced my roommate to help me “prune” the tree so it wouldn’t knock against the house anymore. But the noise didn’t stop. Turns out the landlord was storing his badminton rackets on nails against the wall below my window and the wind was making them flap against the wood. Store your freaking sports equipment in a manner that allows everyone to sleep, dammit!
Twitter Name: aimeewhitbread
That’s a crazy landlord!!! Who obviously wanted to drive you crazy!
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
Did your mom give away a baby girl 35 years ago? Light skin, blue eyes? Because I’m pretty sure I’m a member of your family. This exactly describes me! I refer to myself as “sensory”—you know, similar to folks on the Autism spectrum? The noises that people make are overstimulating and fire up my senses so that I have an abnormal reaction. I claim it’s a medical condition and then tell them to shut their damn mouth/go to another state to trim their nails, etc.
Medical condition.
I’m super wise, just so you know.
Twitter Name: DTKMMeLookCrazy
You have it! You are an Acute Hearer as well! My mother swears by it…
Or goodness maybe you are both! Sensory AND AH!
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
I get it. Faked nausea to get out of ever going to a 4th of July fireworks display and can not stand to hear anyone eating corn on cob. ugh.
Twitter Name: southmainmuse
Of course! Corn on the cob! Horrible! You have it…you have Acute Hearing too. I’m sorry!
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
STOP. MAKING. THAT. NOISE! A common refrain around here. The latest one that kills me…[stabstab] is when my husband [stab] is eating a salad [stabstabstab] and must SPEAR [stab] each piece of [stabstab] lettuce by stabbing the metal fork tines, causing them to squeak or screech or squeal on the Fiesta Ware. Makes me twitch.
Twitter Name: rotarykat
Oh the stabbing, how I loathe thee! What I don’t get is why is doesn’t bother the stabber!
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
My husband has this supersonic hearing where he can hear crickets through double-pane windows. Meanwhile, I think I’m getting closer and closer to hearing aids. Sigh…
Twitter Name: sharonkurheg
I identify with your beloved! And I feel for him! And you too, but HIM! Super sonic hearing is hard to live with!
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
I read the title of your post, then the first few sentences and said to myself, “Yup, she’s got it too.” There is a name for this type of acute hearing which is really much more than just acute hearing. It’s acute hearing with annoyance, rage or sadness as a reflexive response. The emotional reflex is exaggerated by what the general population experiences and gets worse with age as trigger sounds get added and the tolerance for sound becomes thinner. We are doing research and need as many people as possible to take a look at our website and associated links. Please take a look at soundsensitive.org or google “I hate eating sounds” and go from there . . .
Totally going to that site. Thanks!
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1