If only I could re-brand myself.

Have you ever wished you could completely re-brand yourself? Not just a change in hairstyle (though that helps) or clothing, but a complete personality change. A way to make yourself fresh & new? Or, at the very least, a way to make people forget all the stupid crap you’ve pulled and generally worship you as a goddess on earth? I know I can’t be the only one!

Here’s what got me thinking. Do you know Fomcast?  Major cable company around these here parts.  They’re fighting the good fight against Shmerizon as a major cable provider and, frankly, are losing.  Too many customer complaints left folks feeling like Fomcast was the new “c” word, so someone getting paid lots of money with a fancy title consisting of three letters, probably containing a C and an O said “I know! Let’s change our name!” Now? They are Xbinifee.

No, no, say it again – with passion and excitment. Xbinifee. Leave a little dramatic pause between the “X” and the “Binifee”.  There you go. Come on, you totally want cable from these guys, right? Their name starts with an X! Xbinifee can now fill in with Xylophone and X-ray in the “A is for … ” alphabet song! X comes after V (for Shmerizon) in the alphabet, too, so if I were going to sing the Cable Provider Alphabet Song, I would totally hear their name last, and therefore I would be seduced into their service contracts. X is one of the rare, wild, interesting letters of the alphabet. Don’t even get me started on binifee. It sounds like a wicked cool wild animal. Or a fancy hat.

I laughed when I heard about it. I mocked, I giggled, and generally bashed ‘em for thinking that name change could make any difference.

Then today I realized that it had worked. As I got used to Fomcast being Xbinifee, I realized that my attitude towards the company is changing. It’s dumb, right? I mean, they haven’t actually changed their packages, or service, or pricing. But the fresh new name is working it’s mojo. X-binifee.

It’s got to be something in the name. Maybe I’m digging the X and the B hanging out together. X and B don’t usually get to chill in the same space. I know I didn’t feel the same way about Scifi when they changed to Syfy. That? That I mock. I will mock it until I die. That was a stupid name change. Xbinifee? Somehow, it made the difference.

Unfortunately, now I can’t re-brand myself as Xbinifee, so I’ll need to find another sexy, awesome name. I’ve always wanted to be a Diana but it strikes me that this name is incredibly boring and plain next to the re-branding genius of Xbinifee!

So, I turned to Google and came up with a few exciting, unique-looking names that could probably come with a strong personality and trick persuade people to forget my flaws.  Ultimately, I like Johari. It sounds fun, but mysterious. I think it could also easily be turned into a verb, so that when I perform a random act of awesome to seal my re-branding deal, my adoring fans can start to say things like “I am going to Johari the crap out of you!” or “You just wait till I make you Johari late tonight”.

Alright, your turn. Take a moment, Google it. What would you name yourself if you could?