I love my family. Truly.
I love my husband and my two children. A lot.
I love them so much that I’m asking my husband to quit his job and taking my kids out of public schools so that we can spend every day together traveling in an RV. I think we can all agree that’s a lot of love.
It is also a whole hell of a lot of time together.
The argument could be made that it is potentially too much time together.
Unlike my husband and children, who seem to be perfectly OK with spending every waking minute of their lives with me, I know I need time to myself. Furthermore, I can only handle a limited amount of time with anyone – even people I really, really like a lot. If I don’t get time to myself and regular breaks from my favorite people, I turn into a potentially dangerous person* who is apparently not fun to be around.
In order to prevent turning the “trip of a lifetime” into “the last thing I ever do outside of prison walls”*, I’ve decided to be pro-active about my alone time. When I can sense I’m in need of a respite, I’m going to go for a walk or take a day trip alone, before anything illegal* happens.
The trick is to recognize the signs of needing alone time before it’s too late.
For example, you might need time away from your husband and children if…
- You suddenly notice how loudly they chew their food.
- You realize that their throat muscles also make very loud noises when they swallow.
- SERIOUSLY? I can’t believe nobody has ever complained about your CLEARLY AUDIBLE EATING at restaurants!
- You can’t decide if your husband just recently started breathing out of his mouth or if you have always been married to a certifiable mouth-breather and are just now noticing.
- You can’t stop noticing. Especially when he is trying to share a pillow with you.
- Dude. Get your own freaking pillow! AND STOP BREATHING ON ME!
- Your family begins and ends every sentence with “I’m so sorry.”
- Your husband calls you madame, and not in a sarcastic or ironic way.
- The idea of offering your child a bite of your food reminds you that you don’t have anything that is just yours.
- You offer to let everyone borrow your underwear, since YOU ARE CLEARLY NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANYTHING OF YOUR OWN.
- You begin thinking in CAPSLOCK and italics.
- Your husband surprises you with a gift certificate to a spa, coffee shop, or nearby gas station and encourages you to “please go do something nice for yourself. Out of the house. Away from us. Even if it’s just for an hour or so. Really. Just go somewhere.”
If you notice any of these signs, get thee to a secluded room or car. Unless, of course, you live in 24 by 8 foot RV with three other people. In that case, learn to fall in love with really, really long walks.
*Should this post be used in a court of law at a future date, I would like the jury to know that these were statements of hyperbole. And an insanity defense is hypothetically a totally legitimate option.
About Britt Reints
Obviously you are a Saint.
Or certifiable.
*shrugs*
Probably the same thing.
Good luck on your new adventure.
oh I love this one Britt. It’s so true. Even me, who spends a lot of time at home alone writing, I have my limits and I would really hate to have to come visit you in prison.The commutes are hellish, so I’ve seen on A&E
If I do not get a few hours in the evening to myself life is not worth living.
That said, your RV adventure sounds like a fascinating adventure! Would love to do something like that. (Provided I am afforded 2 hours of solitude every evening that is.)
The mouth breathing and eating noises—those are my personal bellwethers of too much togetherness…
Twitter Name: izzymom
I sometimes look/listen to the chewing and wonder “how the hell did I miss this?” (regarding husband), and “shit, I’ve clearly failed as a parent because this is the single. most. annoying. thing anyone can do and now my kid(s) is (are) doing it,” (regarding the offspring).
We’re heading off on a family vacation this week for 10 days. I may have to make sure I sit at my own table for at least 2 of the three meals each day.
Twitter Name: amlanders
Fortunately, my husband and I get along for very extended periods of time. And we don’t have kids. But (and this is a BIG but) we have occasionally gone on vacation with my in-laws. Don’t get me wrong…they’re REALLY nice and I love them to pieces and they try SO hard. But it’s torture. Really, after 3 hours, I’m done.
Twitter Name: sharonkurheg
I like my alone time as well, but lately it’s been too much of it. I’m starting to talk to myself. And then I answer. ; p
Twitter Name: kimt205
Wow, you totally read my mind! FANTASTIC post and one I absolutely, wholeheartedly can relate to!
Thank goodness the weather is finally warming up so I can send my goof-ball kids outside for awhile! Although, I still tense when I go to sleep and my husband rolls onto my side of the bed and I have to make the choice of whether to smother him with the pillow as retribution or just tap him until he grunts and rolls back. Come to think of it, I might need to get out of the house myself…
Twitter Name: omahamama