If you’re going to aim low, you have to stop washing your clothes so much.
I read an article in Real Simple a few months ago that proposed the concept of not washing your clothes frequently as a key time saving method. They had charts and everything. For most of the world, this is old news. Hobos, your depression-era relatives, and misers like me have employed this trick for DECADES.I grew up in a rented house without a washing machine, and my family took turns doing laundry at the laundromat up the street. When it was your turn, you had to do laundry for everyone in the house. That meant loading up the old-lady wheelie cart with four bags of clothes, and spending at least 4 hours slumped in a plastic chair trying to hide your face from classmates who happened to wander by the always enormous window. (For some reason, our laundromat had the largest windows in all the land, stretching from floor to ceiling and around the length of the building. It was basically a Laundromat Zoo.) I hated doing laundry, and wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I couldn’t control the fact that my older brother wore a minimum of three outfits a day, so I just stopped washing my own clothes as frequently – a habit that stuck with me until 15 minutes before I started writing this piece and probably for many years beyond, let’s be honest.
I DO wash my clothes, but only after I get a couple of wears out of them. Underwear is off limits – they are strictly a one-wear item, and I can’t even believe I have to tell you that. Wash your chonies, always.
This is the part that hobbles lesser humans. If you’re going to wash your clothes less frequently, you have to start doing sniff tests. I’M SORRY, THOSE ARE THE RULES. You have to put your face right in the crotch and armpit and take a big whiff. This is a private-time activity, not to be performed in front of friends or loved ones or anyone that will stop having sex with you as a direct result of watching you sniff the nether regions of your clothes. Console yourself with the knowledge that a) the smells are emanating from your own body, so they can’t be THAT bad and b) if they ARE that bad, just go ahead and wash your clothes. And maybe see a doctor.
So how do I gauge when to wash my clothes? I made you this handy chart:
Easy, right? There’s still room for error.
- Do not, under any circumstances, substitute perfume/body sprays for washing your clothes
Teenage boys often make this mistake, a mistake that causes teenage girls to stay away from them in droves. Put down the Drakkar Noir or Electric Youth and just wash your shirt already. - If your job is at jeopardy, abort mission
If your boss and/or co-workers are starting to wear biohazard masks at their desks, it’s time to go to the dry cleaners. - You work around a lot of germs
Wash your clothes all the time, and start a regimen of Silkwood showers immediately. This is not the experiment for you.
I’m off to write an article for Real Simple about how to save 15 minutes a week by not polishing your silver, 3 hours a week by not owning any silver to begin with, and 45 hours a month by eating all food in its original packaging directly from the fridge.
About DanielleH
Sadly, the chart doesn’t load for me :(
Here’s a tip if you have to go to the laundromat. When my husband and I have to go (we have laundry at home, but go a few times a year to wash rugs, duvets etc. in the giant machine) we turn it into a date. We bring a pizza, a board game, and camp out while we wait. It makes it a lot more bearable!
That is so unbelievably sweet!
Love, love, love the chart! One added benefit you didn’t mention was that you also do not need to own as many clothes if you employ this method.
DEFINITELY. I tend to opt for “less is more” in general, but it’s a definite plus to feel like you don’t need to own a ton of clothing.
During my two pregnancies, I had office jobs. There was a business casual expectation for my clothes. Unfortunately due to the fact that I was already “plus sized” before I got preggars and also because I was friggin exhausted through most of my gestation, I employed 2 pairs of pants. Stretchy knit pants. Okay they were basically pajama bottoms but since they were black I could get away with it. Let me give a shout out to the concept of “wear that shit again”. I would never have survived otherwise.
Twitter Name: omahamama
Once you throw business clothes into the mix, I’m basically a hobo. I never ever get to a dry cleaner more than two, three times a year. You had the right idea, sister.
The less washing also applies to bath towels in this house. I was gobsmacked the first time I found out there are people in the world (with 4 children!!) who use new towels every day. I can’t imagine the laundry.
Twitter Name: therealneeroc
Wait, WHAT? Who doesn’t use a towel more than once? I mean, you’re wiping it on a clean body.
I utilize a similar mental flow chart that ultimately ends with anything not stinky or stained being deemed “clerty” which is not quite clean but not really dirty. It lives on top of the dresser and gets worn until it reaches “wash that shit” status.
Twitter Name: izzymom
CLERTY 4 LYFE
Hahaha yes, I need this. I am about to lose a sitter and I dread the thought of leaving my PC to wash clothes. For the boys, I have no choice but to wash them regularly. As for myself, I think I can put your flowchart to good use (I have tried and tested some of your options and I swear it works).
Some used clothes do not need washing, they just need to be “aired.”
Twitter Name: cheri_mr
You’re right – the kid version of this chart would just be one big “wash that shit” circle in the middle. But I’m glad you can save some time with your own clothes!
I grew up in a wear it once put it in the wash and 2 new towels EVERY shower…and you know teens…sometimes that can be up to THREE showers a day. When I moved out I immediately employed your chart. I look at my mom with both horror, admiration, and yep, a little guilt.
Two. New. Towels. EVERY. Shower? Someone should erect a gold statue of your mother in every single town.
Duh. I needed one for mah HAIR! Can’t get coochie cooties on it–fer sure.
A statue???? How about an alter!!!
My sons baseball clothes apparently reached a new stinky status the other day…..the cat sniffed them and proceeded to try and cover them up like it was poo. Ive never laughed harder….then proceeded to wash them asap!!!
I now have something new to gauge levels of filth: Did an animal mistake it for poo? :)
This is why I’m afraid of having kids. Apparently, they don’t function in the CLERTY model.
Training and time, man, training and time.
Electric Youth. I totally had that perfume. Loved the neon pink bottle. Let’s see if I can think of the lyrics of that song . . . Electric Youth, feel the power, feel the energy. Comin’ on, comin’ strong . . .
Yep. Still got it, Debbie Gibson. Still got it.
Twitter Name: DTKMMeLookCrazy
I am now singing this entire song in my head.
You’re welcome.
Twitter Name: DTKMMeLookCrazy
I’m just dropping in to let you know that this weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday – http://www.schmutzie.com/fivestarfriday/2011/3/11/five-star-fridays-141st-edition-is-brought-to-you-by-a-danci.html
Twitter Name: schmutzie
You are the sweetest. :)
My wife laughs at me constantly for employing this mode of thinking. I RARELY wash anything after wearing it only once, save for panties and pantyhose. Those get washed. Don’t be gross, people. Anything else…gets worn at least twice. Sometimes more often…I mean the shirts I wear hardly touch my body because I ALWAYS wear a cami, so they are not THAT dirty from sitting on top of a cami. Pants…well, I don’t pee them and often I am wearing tights or hose, so they can be worn more than once….cardigans and jackets….yeah…whatever…they get the heck worn out of them…
Twitter Name: missycj03
Oh yeah, chonies are a ONE TIME wear. And if I sweat through a shirt it’s a one-time wear. God, this article makes me sound disgusting.