Last June, I gave up cable.
By “gave up”, of course I mean, I couldn’t pay my last two months and they shut it off and I have yet to pay the bill to get it turned back on and now they are charging me $400 for the DVR player that’s laying in the sand room in my cottage.
Anyway…
So now that I have an iPhone and Netflix at the ready, I’ve been catching up on some shows that I’ve been curious about. One that was high on the list was Weeds. Friends recommended I watch it, usually after I described my unconventional life, my complete disdain for my former Master Planned Community, and how happy I was to now be living in a cottage by the beach.
It might also have something to do with references to recreational activities in the past.
Maybe.
In the last two weeks, I have watched THREE seasons of this awesome show! With such easy access to episode after episode, it’s hard to give up. But now I’m starting to think I have a problem. I’ve been lingering in bed, not wanting to get out and do any work, avoiding the kids, sneaking hits at the park as they play, not showering for days at a time…
I might officially need a 12 Step program for this damn show!
I’m also starting to sip the bottom of my sodas through a straw with that rude slurpy sound. My language has even changed. While I used to always have a flair with the eff word, I seem to be flinging it around more effortlessly lately. And I’m starting to talk a little gangsta bitch.
The height of my addiction… or rather, my rock bottom… was yesterday. I might have taken a hit of Weeds at church. Right there. In the middle of service. Because I can’t put the Nancy pipe down!!!
You have to understand… Nancy just moved to the area that I currently live in. They actually referred to my town and my former town in the first episode after Majestic/Agrestic burned down! I was like, Wow, now we are TOTALLY alike (well, except for the actually selling of drugs and running a grow house and all that).
So, I get to service and the pastor comes out to do the announcements. That means one of his underlings is going to do the sermon. His underlings are kinda young. By young, I mean, I could have given birth to them. They are the junior and senior high pastors, and while they inspire the youth of our church, they kinda put me to sleep.
While the house lights were low and a video was introducing this week’s sermon, I slyly wove a cord discreetly under my jacket, up behind my scarf, under my hair, then pretended to scratch my right ear as I put a bud in. An ear bud. I covered my screen from my neighbor to the left with my sermon notes and cupped the screen with my hand to hide it from the good Christians across the aisle to my right. I made sure to make eye contact with the fill-in pastor every now and then and laughed when the crowd laughed, even though I had no idea what the joke was.
I would have totally gotten away with it if the church wasn’t having a damn food drive.
What can I say? All that Weeds has given me the munchies!! As I walked out of the sanctuary, I looked over and saw stacks of donated food. They were propped up like some display of snack heaven. There were Slim Jims, cans of fruit and soups, cookies, pasta, cereal… even those nasty little peanut butter and cheese cracker things were looking good. My vision started blurring… my head started spinning…
The need to munch was overwhelming my Christian sensibilities!
I might have stared a leeeettle too long at the Slim Jims because the guy at the front desk started watching me. Or was he? I’m not sure. I might have just been paranoid. I went to the bathroom to splash some cold water and get a grip before checking my kids out of their classes.
Before I even walked into my son’s class, I could smell the popcorn wafting through the air. As I walked in, I made a bee line to my sweet baby boy, took the bag right out of his hands and, totally ignoring his tears, put it up to my face like a horse with a feed bag. The stares from the other parents weren’t enough to make me put it down until the last kernel was swallowed.
Next, we went to pick up my daughter.
For the love of GOD, they were passing out cupcakes!!! I snagged my daughter’s cupcake as she was lifting it to her mouth to take a bite and, with one swift move, inhaled the entire frosting topper. Her eyes started to water a bit, but then the Sunday school teacher came and gave her another one. He might have also given me a stearn glare. Not sure. At that point I really didn’t care. I was too busy enjoying the sweet goodness of frosting after all that salty popcorn.
I would have apologized, but…
“Thug means never having to say you’re sorry.”
If I get kicked out of church, it’s all Nancy’s fault.
About Sugar Jones
Don’t think I’ve ever watched Weeds but you might wind up being my pusher. Just sayin’…
Twitter Name: sharonkurheg
If you get hooked, we can BOTH blame Nancy!
Twitter Name: SugarJones
LMAO!!!! I have a similar problem with Big Love but I don’t have the cajones to actually watch it in church!
Twitter Name: robinobryant
Big Love is one of the next shows on my list. Let me ask you… will I start looking for sister wives?
Twitter Name: SugarJones
OMG YES! My fiance and I decided to give Weeds a try and now we’re hooked. It really sucks that they don’t have the next season out for Netflix because the last season LEFT ON SUCH A CLIFFHANGER. OMG. I feel the same way you do.
Twitter Name: fuzzyxpanda
That was the best final scene!! Nancy’s eyes all bugged out… I seriously couldn’t breath for a minute after. SUCH a great show!
Twitter Name: SugarJones
YES! And I seriously never even saw that coming. My eyes bugged out too! I swear, if they don’t come out with the 6th season on Netflix Instant Queue soon I’m going to be pissed.
Twitter Name: fuzzyxpanda
Great post!
You forgot to mention that the Botwins are Jewish…sort of.
….and they claim Weed(s) is not addictive….
I love how they are conveniently Jewish. Do you remember the line where Nancy said they “passed” for Italian. LOL
Twitter Name: SugarJones
Aw hell, I have been contemplating watching that. It has be in my queue for quite some time. Now I guess I will just have to suck it up and do it. Pun totally intended.
Twitter Name: Adriennevh
Do I have to say it? “Everybody’s doing it!” ;)
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I had a Weeds addiction this time last year. Did the same thing as you; but I streamed it to my son’s Wii and when he wasn’t looking, I took hits. It took me about two and a half weeks to get completely caught up with the series.
Sneaking around behind the kids’ backs… that’s how it starts… soon you’ll be sneaking hits at the PTA meetings!
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I was “hooked” on Weeds, too! I stopped at the end of Season 4, because it started to seem to be stretching things too far for me after Season 3, and I wasn’t as excited about watching the next episode anymore. BUT I think it’s time for me to finish what I started. I did love the first 3 seasons, after all! I’ll return to it for Shane, if nothing else. I adore that kid.
Twitter Name: thezestyb
You will LOVE Shane in Season 5! He becomes the voice of reason.
Twitter Name: SugarJones
This is hilarious (as I sit watching Weeds on Netflix as I type, and the episode that quote was from no less!). It is so the perfect length to just keep getting sucked in to more and more episodes. And now I want cupcakes. :)
Twitter Name: AlmostTruth
U-Turn had a way with words…
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I got hooked on Weeds too! I found myself buying more Starbucks (so I could do the rude slurpy straw thing) and talking about weed all the time even though I’ve never smoked any in my life!
LOVE IT! I sing in the choir and sit right behind the preacher in the choir loft, so I could never get away with it. I am glad someone can!
I bet you could get away with it in the choir. Not that I’m sitting on your left shoulder, wearing a little red suit, holding a pitch fork, telling you to do it… ;)
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I love the Botwins! Nancy is great but Andy makes me laugh. Also, Shane. I love that screwed up kid.
Oh and the sex scenes aren’t too shabby, either.
Twitter Name: themomsmith
SINNER, SINNER, CHICKEN DINNER! er, wait…that’s not exactly how it goes, is it? You are too funny, girl! I have never watched that show for precisely these reasons. That, and I don’t have cable…
Hahaha!! Okay, that sounds like a great way to get people to go to our 5:00pm service. I’ll tell my pastor about it. ;)
PS: Watch this show!!! You will thank me!
Twitter Name: SugarJones
You are so funny Sugar!
I loved Weeds for the first few seasons… just recently it’s gotten of track and not as fun anymore.
That Nancy is something else isn’t she? I miss Celia Hodes too. Funny funny funny!
Her Brother in law Andy is my fav. Such a poor lost soul and so adorable!
Twitter Name: karenlkay