A baby stroller tried to murder my husband, and I need a skilled Stroller Assassin to take this thing out once and for all.
My husband and I have 2 little girls. Naturally with those bouncing curls, sugar and spice comes an array of girly toys. Most of the toys are innocuous enough, but some are pure evil. Take for example the toy baby stroller – this dastardly device shows up in the worst possible places at the worst possible times.
It manages to place itself directly under the feet of my husband wherever he is walking. Having wheels, the damn thing trips him every time. It’s happened so many times that my husband insists that the stroller is autonomous and bent on revenge. In fact, he had just finished telling me about this conspiracy theory a few days prior to the night in question. He’s obviously new to conspiracy theory because he did not make sure the stroller was out of earshot. I believe that was our first mistake. I laughed at him, and didn’t believe his theory. That was our second mistake.
Then one evening as we were getting ready for bed, my husband heard a noise – one of our daughters, perhaps? – coming from the other room and like the good Daddy he is, rushed to investigate. He walked past the foot of the bed – a path he had walked in reverse only moments before – and that sinister stroller struck! He tripped, flinging the stroller one way as his body flew the other. He could have sprained something! Received a nasty head injury! Broken a nail!
After the incident, he continued onward to check on the girls only to find the stroller directly in his path once again. I swear, its wheels squeaked with glee in the darkness, hoping this time it could finish him off.
I need this stroller incapacitated, and I need it done quickly, quietly, and without unmanning my husband. Who is up for the job?
About MommyGeek
I’m sure someone will be able to de-wheel the stroller before it de-mans your husband. If it’s any consolation he could have been walking along pushing a real stroller, with his own child and a spare holding on to either side, as well as one in the seat and manage to stand on the wheel and land on his tuchus.
Oh, me? I couldn’t possibly confirm.
Twitter Name: penbleth
Heh heh. That is impressive!
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
I’m pretty sure they made a horror movie about evil autonomous strollers back in the 70′s. If they didn’t they should have!
Twitter Name: izzymom
Yes. With spooky special effects and creepy stalker music.
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
Have you ever seen “It’s Alive”? OMG it’s the best of the worst!
Twitter Name: izzymom
After I exterminate once and for all the one-inch micro skateboards that hide inside my sons’ bags and loiter at night, I should be qualified as an assassin.
Nobody in this house is under three years of age so I thought these teeny weeny toys are safe. Of course not. I am a 43-old lady who lost 20/20 vision when I was a teenager so I imagine how bad my eyesight is. Perhaps your evil toy strollers have relatives here in our islands?
I’m not crying because of broken nails…I’m hysterical coz I surely won’t get a pedicure for the next two months.
Oh good lord, that sounds horrible. Almost as bad as Legos!
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
Pretty sure this is the first time I have seen the term Stroller Assassin. ROFL