I hired a babysitter to help me get to sleep every night. I don’t have children – the babysitter is for me. An adult.
You would think that at 33-years old, I would have the whole fall asleep thing totally figured out – it’s literally the only thing I have done every single day of my life thus far. I should be a sleeping champion, travelling the pro tour sleeping circuit with flocks of numbered sheep, tossing pillows to sleepless chumps from a pile of lofty mattresses. Instead, I’m awake well past 2am most nights, bleary-eyed and exhausted, sucked into the vortex of just-one-more-episode Netflix streaming while my brain whirrs around like a motor.
Netflix is a big part of the problem (the other, tinier part being my complete lack of self-control).As a full-time college student who doesn’t have time to watch TV regularly, I insist that I’m using the ease and convenience of Netflix to relax after a long, stressful day. In reality, it’s a completely addictive tool of the netherworld. Maybe you can watch one singular episode of “The Kids in the Hall”, but I’ve been known to watch entire seasons of certain TV shows in one long, sleepless night of marathon clicking. No one is less thrilled by this habit than my long-suffering boyfriend, Seth, who needs complete silence and darkness to fall asleep. The dull glow of a laptop is apparently distracting to people with a normal amount of melatonin.
Whenever I mention that I have trouble falling asleep, people invariably tell me to just lie down and eventually I’ll drift off to sleep. “It will work! I assure you.”
These people are complete fucking liars.
It is physically impossible for me to fall asleep by just putting my head down on a pillow and turning out the lights. I have never been able to do it, because it’s boring. IT’S BORING, and I empathize with every toddler that crosses my path. I had severe insomnia as a teenager, and the only advice I ever heard (from family members to doctors) was to just lie down. When I lie down in the dark and I’m not yet tired, all I do is think. Thinking, of course, keeps me awake, which makes me pissed off. Being pissed off makes me anxious, because I know I’m not falling asleep. By midnight, I am an exhausted, anxious, pissed off baby woman who wants to set the world on fire if it means she’ll get ten minutes of contiguous rest.
This is no way for a childless adult to live.
So I got myself a babysitter.
Starting this week, I will turn on Freedom software every night at 10pm and leave it running for eight hours. This software temporarily blocks your internet connection directly through your network; you can dictate the length of time you want it to be inactive. I use it when I write. Now I’m going to use it to get some sleep. I’ll read books, drink decaffeinated tea, and use the last few hours of the evening to whittle candles and crochet doilies or whatever the fuck people did before electricity ruined our circadian rhythm. I’m basically turning myself into Jane Eyre in order to get some shuteye.
I should probably remove the Netflix app from my phone…just in case I get itchy.
About DanielleH
I’ve heard of setting limits on yourself but never like THAT! LOL! Something like that should get set up in my house. My issue isn’t Netflix…it’s when they have a marathon of a TV show…could be Hoarders, could be Dr. G, could be Little House on the Prairie, doesn’t matter. I’ll be flipping channels during a commercial, find one of “those” shows and suddenly WHOOSH, it’s 5 hours later, hubby will be coming home in 30 minutes and I haven’t started dinner yet. So yeah, I feel your pain.
Twitter Name: sharonkurheg
I totally know what you mean! Nick at Night used to be my go-to insominac paradise. ‘Hoarders’ is like a nightmare from which I cannot wake…but I also can’t turn my eyes away. It’s also on Netflix. :)
if even the babysitter doesn’t work, you might want to look into taking melatonin.
it’s a natural substance that your body is /supposed/ to make, and it helps regulate sleep. except that many insomniacs’ bodies /don’t/ make it, or don’t make enough.
you take 1 3mg pill about 30-45 minutes before bedtime, and it helps your body kickstart the production of the rest of the melatonin needed to help you get to sleep and stay asleep. melatonin is what helps your mind stop spinning so fast, and helps your body relax enough so that you will actually fall asleep instead of being bored.
that being said, i hope the babysitter works out for you. ^.^-b
yobo
I JUST purchased a bottle of melatonin! I’ll let you know how it goes. The pills look so tiny, like they don’t pack enough of a punch to get me to sleep. But I’ve heard good things, so I’m hoping for the best.
good luck! they worked wonders for me, and i’ve been an insomniac since i was about 10.
yobo
Start small (maybe a half or a quarter) and see if you need more because they can make you really groggy the next morning if you take more than you need.
Twitter Name: izzymom
SMART idea; most over-the-counter sleep meds I’ve tried either don’t work, or make me feel like a zombie in the morning. I’ll ease into it – thanks for the advice. :)
My mind whirrs too. Always has. Two things that work for me are counting as high as I can and talk radio.
Twitter Name: prettybabes
Are you in training for the Brain Olympics? I am seriously impressed with your technique.
This is tough love. Tough love indeed. ;)
Twitter Name: debontherocks
Oh my gah, Deb, you don’t even KNOW. This is going to be my second night. I expect massive symptoms of withdrawl.
melatonin will not knock you out, but will stop the brain whirrage. my 9 yr old has ADD (non hyper) and takes a time release medication daily to help focus. By the time it is bedtime, he either still has med in his system (it’s a stimulant) or is too wound b/c it has worn off. Either way, 6mg of melatonin every night helps him relax and be able to go to sleep on his own at a decent time. He takes it @ 7pm and is asleep by 8:30. Good luck!
Twitter Name: amydubois1
That’s sort of what I need – a signal that hey! its time to go to sleep. I’ve never done a sleep study, but I’ve had problems with sleep since I was a kid. I’m glad it works for your son!
I took Melatonin once before a 21 hour flight to Australia. I woke up just in time to land.
Twitter Name: alwayscasualash
WOW. Now I’ll definitely ease into it. :)
I love this so much. I’m eager to see the results of both the melatonin and the internet enforcement. Is there some sort of application I can buy that will mandate I eat a vegetable every day? Or one that puts up a forcefield that won’t let me enter the rest of the house until I’ve brushed my teeth in the morning? There has to be an enormous market for various nannying devices.
Twitter Name: Sock_zombie
“There has to be an enormous market for various nannying devices.” We have to find you a billionaire backer, because you know that idea would change the lives of EVERYONE.
I totally cracked out on five seasons of Friday Night Lights. I stayed up til 4am many a night, rationalizing that it’s JUST another 45 minutes. 4-5 times IN A ROW.
Also? I hear doilies are making a huge comeback. You’ll be way ahead of the rest of us doily-maker-come-lately’s next year :)
Twitter Name: izzymom
Love. That. Show. I did the same thing when I first started watching it! I’ll come over, crochet you a bonnet and we can stay up until 6am watching Battlestar Galactica.
I’ve been an insomniac for more years than I care to count. I started off just taking melatonin, then moved on to Ambien, Lunesta, Ambien CR… then melatonin PLUS Ambien CR… then MORE melatonin PLUS Ambien CR. Yeah, that stuff is like crack. When you don’t sleep unmedicated, a medicated 8 hours is BLISS… at least for a while. Then I started to realize I was just blacking out from all of the drugs & had no clue what the hell I was missing out on. *sigh*
Wow, that was rambling…
Twitter Name: bonesysblahg
I once tried a prescribed sleep drug – I, too, blacked out, and it FREAKED me out, so I don’t think I’ll be going that route again anytime soon.
Gah! My husband can not find out about this software! It sounds evil.
We’re both brain-whirrers too. I read (yes, I’ve read all night. Woo party girl going to work on no sleep. Because of reading) and he listens to talk radio. I might just look that melatonin up.
Twitter Name: therealneeroc
The Freedom software is so, so great. Particularly if you want to get anything done on an internet-connected computer. It makes me feel SO LAME to have to install software to keep myself in check, but it works, man!
I’m fascinated by this post. I’m an insomniac too, but I’ve realized a couple things: 1) I honestly just think that I need less sleep than other people. 2) if I’m hungry when I go to bed I’ll NEVER sleep, 3) I’ve never not been able to function the next day due to poor sleep, so I always try to remember this fact and not get all worked up when I see the clock strike 2 am, 3 am, etc.
Also, I use melatonin. I take three of them before bedtime when I remember. They worked great in the beginning, but then seemed to fade. So now I like to surprise my body by taking them randomly and that seems to keep me from getting to immune to them.
Oh, and I never have caffeine. Ever. I have a secret fear that I will never sleep again if I take even one sip.
Twitter Name: DTKMMeLookCrazy
I like that you have to sneak up on your sleeplessness with random melatonin intake! So funny. :)
I’m not big on caffeine, either. I’m a tea drinker, and cut to decaf after 12pm.
I listen to NPR podcasts and they put me right to sleep!
See, I love NPR, so I think I would stay up later if I were listening to it. :)
I have to sleep with the TV on, turned down as low as possible so I know it’s on but not so loud that I’ll be interested enough to watch it. It’s a balancing act.
Also, absolutely no Netflix at bedtime. I think I’ve established my addiction is pretty bad. I think I’m going to look up Freedom, though. You know, just in case I get the itch. :)
Twitter Name: chickybaby
When I lived by myself, I always had a TV in my room (security blanket?), but I haven’t had a TV at all for years. I think that’s why internet TV is so addicting – I’m not used to watching it, so when I do I can’t stop!
Melatonin is the most awesome thing I’ve ever taken (well, not really, but it sounds good!). A couple of years ago, my best friend and I traveled Italy for two weeks. Every time my friend got horizontal, she was sound asleep. Pissed me right off. I had to take melatonin and listen to a very boring book on my iPod before I would finally (maybe) drift off. Good things we’ve been friends since we were 12 or I would have put the pillow over her head! Off to go check out the Freedom software! (thanks for the tip!)
I took two last night, curled up with a book, and was out before I got to the third paragraph! SUCCESS, wild success. I hope you enjoy the Freedom software!
Danielle, I suffered from insomnia from the beginning of high school through age 44. Then last year in desperation I followed a sleep program from Kaiser Permanente’s website and I now sleep better than I have in 30 years. It was a miracle! It involves keeping a sleep journal and forcing yourself initially into a short and strict sleep cycle, then slowly increasing your sleep time. If you want more info, shoot me an email and I’ll see if I can copy the stuff for you (you gots to be a KP member to git to it, I think).
Also, what’s up with the later seasons of Bones where they just pummel us with “Temperance and Seely belong together” every episode? So not in keeping with the subtle tone of the earlier seasons. Very annoying. Also, Angela doesn’t deserve Jack. Also, Sweets? Hated him in the beginning, love him now.
I loved Sweets because I automatically hold anyone associated with “Freaks and Geeks” in high reverence, but I do NOT get Angela and Jack together. They’re sweet, but recently annoying. I sort of love the sexual tension between Bones and Booth, and don’t want them to get together.
Also, this is what I do instead of sleep.
Sweets was in Freaks and Geeks???!!!
What you need is a colicky baby. You’ll be so desperate for sleep it will cure you forever.
AND THEN YOU CAN GIVE IT BACK.
Twitter Name: annsrants