Y’all. I’ve got to show you something.
You might have already seen it.
If you have already seen it, just pretend like you haven’t yet, okay?
If you watch E! news you’ve probably viewed the censored version of it.
If you are a fan of Maroon 5, this image is most likely your screensaver.
If you are sort of a freak of nature, you might even have this image of Adam Levine blown up as a life size cardboard cut out so you can wrap your leg around it & french it.
If you are secretly frenching cardboard people, you need to get off the damn internet & call up TLC so you can get your own “My Strange Addiction” show. Then you can meet other cardboard people frenchers & not feel alone anymore.
Kinda like that guy who gets turned on by balloons.
Yes, that is a real thing.
I’m sorry I had to be the one to tell you.
Anyway, back to the issue at “hand.”
Ha! Hand. You’ll get that reference in a second.
Are you ready?
By the way, it’s a wee bit NSFW.
I mean, it doesn’t show his dong or pubes or anything. That would be like, wrong or whatever.
Alright, here ya go.
Feast your eyes upon the man…
Quick! What was your first thought?
Most of the internet’s first response was something along the lines of, “Daaaayum, son! That Adam dude is one fine ass mofo!’
Which is completely understandable.
My first thought?
It was, “OMG. THAT POOR WOMAN HAS HER NOSE IN HIS ASS CRACK.”
Totally legit, right? There’s just no way around it. Her face is ALL UP in the place where he sits on the toilet.
And her arms? They’re super close to his taint.
Don’t know what a taint is? It’s that area in between your sexual organs & your poop shoot. Also known as a “grundle.” Or if you’re smart, you may be more familiar with the anatomical term, “perineum.”
Regardless, I’m hoping he washed himself real good before this photo shoot.
And I really hope he didn’t eat Taco Bell the day before.
Can you imagine the photographer describing his vision? It probably went something like this:
“Ok, Adam- you get butt-ass naked. And you, brave woman, get on your knees, put your face near his butt crack & reach your arms under his crotch. Then do jazz hands over his junk, okay? Try not to breathe & by all means, resist the urge to squeeze his penis & make a honking noise. Trust me, he doesn’t like that.”
*For the record, he posed for this CosmoUK photo to benefit Everyman Charity which raises awareness and funds to battle prostate and testicular cancer. And apparently, the butt sniffin’ female is his girlfriend. Which means she probably liked it.
**photo courtesy of CosmoUK
About Robin Plemmons
Photoshop. I’m thinking photoshop. Because otherwise her arms are emerging from behind the wall. (Casper Jazz Hands would be an excellent band name.) But then again I have come to think that all images in our strange new world are photoshopped unless otherwise identified.
Twitter Name: debontherocks
I was pretending like photoshop didn’t exist so I could go on & on about taint arms.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Understandable. Only because I know how you are.
Twitter Name: debontherocks
And we needed the jazz hands why?!
Seriously. I wonder where the completely uncensored version of this is. The people want to see his wiener.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Great!
Now all I wonder is if ass-crack woman washed her face.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
And THAT is why I love you. ;)
Twitter Name: colorado_mom
I’ll make sure I post pics of naked men more often, just for you Emily.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
She probably didn’t. I imagine she’s a dirty bird.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
And that’s why you should never borrow sunglasses. You just never know.
Twitter Name: debontherocks
My first thought was, “WHOAH! YEAH!”
I’m thinking there is a hole in the screen behind him. Now I’m gonna go scroll back up and drool a bit. I didn’t realize how much my boyfriend looks like him…
Twitter Name: Im_Wendy
He reminds you of your boyfriend? Well alright, Wendy!
Twitter Name: debontherocks
Wendy- you need to reenact this photo & send it to me right now.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
My first thought? Hello Gorgeous. (right-click-save as:screensaver)
Twitter Name: colorado_mom
save that shit, yo!
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Huh. My first thought was, “Wow. Doesn’t take much to cover his privates.”
Twitter Name: laughmom
Omg. You’re right. Now I have to go figure out how many hands it would take to cover my husband’s dong. Go find out about Dbin & let us know, okay? ;)
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
I totally thought the same thing. Well my first *exact* thought was “Gosh, those are kind of small hands… If I were Hot Naked Dude, I would have picked a model with bigger hands, to make my junk seem bigger…”
The hands could very well be coming from a hole in the wall.
And I just want to say if he was showered, well, I’d stick my face in his ass crack any ol’ day. Daaaammmnnn. Hot.
(I am a deprived woman who married a harry neanderthal and he is no Adam Levine. , that is one swweeet piece of meat)
Donna- look at you gettin’ all freaky deaky on us. I have a feeling you’re not the only one.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Oh my yummy young… OY!
I am downloading every damn Maroon 5 song right now…
and I’m also now working on my Fountain of Youth plan.
ZOMG!!!!!!
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I bet you could snag this guy in a heartbeat. I have complete faith in your Sugary allure.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Yea, where is the rest of her body? Jazz hands through hole in the wall? Either way, he’s still hot!
Twitter Name: sillynothings
The location of her body is a mystery. The fact that he’s smokin’ hot is not.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
My first thought. Shit. I just got pregnant.
Twitter Name: pqforlife
New rule of thumb! Always use protection when you read Aiming Low.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
LMAO!!
Twitter Name: NYCityMama
OMG! That was pretty much my first thought, too. “If her hands are there…then where is the rest of her….and that means her face is….ewwww!!!!!”
Girl, you CRACK ME UP!
#snort
Twitter Name: justmalia
Gives new meaning to the term “brown nosing.” ha! Thanks for the comment sweet Malia. xo
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Hahahaha. That was my first thought, too.
Well, that and, her nose is in his ass crack AND she is levitating and/or stuck in a hole in the wall.
Based on the shadows (or lack thereof), I think the only conclusion we can reach is that her arms are in fact coming out of his butt.
I always knew Adam Levine was special.
Twitter Name: sassycurmudgeon
He’s getting so much tail, he’s got chicks coming out of his ass. What a gift! Such talent!
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
It’s actually two chicks behind a modesty sheet. First and Second place winners of the “Win a day with Adam Levine” contest.
This is the grab my junk as I flex and sport my tatts portion of his day.
omg, they’re so LUCKY.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
This comment thread is making me laugh so hard is hurts, because my first thought was, “Oh my god! How long did it take to get all those tats?”
haahaa! Aww, you are so cute, LisaRose. Let’s go get tattoos together.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
I’ll probably be too busy making “jazz hands” that day. ;-)
Oh dear god! thank you for a good ‘ole belly laugh robin. you never disappoint!!!
Thanks Sarah Roe! I’ll try my bestest to keep that up.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Fuck. TOTALLY spit out my coffee laughing! I thought I was coming in here to check out half naked nude dudes…instead I walk away covered in coffee with the image of some girls face in a dude’s ass crack. OMG.
Twitter Name: NYCityMama
HAAA! “Half naked nude dudes?” SOMETHING has gotten you all flustered, Carol Alvarez!
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Girrrrllllll……
Twitter Name: NYCityMama
I have never been so turned on AND laughing hysterically at the same time. Usually, when I’m laughing at a naked man, it isn’t a good thing…for him. Today, it was. You earn the “Kick Ass” award, Robin.
I think the last time I was turned on & laughing that hard was on my honeymoon. There was rum involved & nakedness & a digital camera. Thanks for the virtual award, Kadi! Hope you’re feeling better!
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Um – yeah. Poor girl?
Taint nothing wrong with that at all, sister!
whatever. pffft. I don’t feel sorry for her a bit!
Twitter Name: karenlkay
Yes! A taint joke! Thank you for that.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
My first utterance was “heeey” and then I made the mistake of taking a sip of coffee and reading the ass crack comment.
Now I’m off to wipe down my monitor…
Twitter Name: Dumblond
I wonder if that is how he introduces her in public.
“Aaand, this is my butt-sniffing girl-friend ”
Hilarious. But, for the record, I would totally be down with being his butt-sniffing girlfriend. Just don’t tell my husband!
Maroon 5! OMG
First Thought: Dear GOD! That man is fiiiiiiiiiiiiine!
Second Thought: Butt sniffing aside, I’d love to be those hands right now..
Yep. I DEFINITELY would like their music more if he were naked all the time. And didn’t sing. Just stood there. Naked.
Twitter Name: phetched
MY EYES! THEY BURN!
Twitter Name: Ronald Mattocks
ok, I’m totally stunned & shocked that you don’t have one of your “wash your crotch” graphics worked into this. Come on, you’re falling down on the job. Probably distracted … for sure. xxoo
I believe that the move she is about to perform is called the “rusty trombone.” Google it.
Also, I was once on a cycling team called “Taint Tartare.”
And furthermore, L-to-the-O-to-the-L!
Actually the hands belong to a him, not a her. His name is Frank Depubesce and his real job is as a hand model. Apparently he was none too happy about the nail polish.
Twitter Name: thejackb
KILLING ME. Work partner may just block AL…in all fairness it is my husband. Robin, you can talk about ass crack, junk, and jazz hands like no one I’ve ever known. I heart you.
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
Haaaaaaawt Daaaaaaaaaaaamn! I was so focused on the tats and the over all hotness that I didn’t even notice the hands at first! Then I read something about nose in butt-crack and had to look again.
I love my husband, but there taint enough money in the world for me to stick my face all up in his back business. I clean the bathrooms and Pull My Finger is his favorite game. I repeat, not enough money in the world!
This post and comments totally cracked (haha) me up! Totally sending this link to my mother!
Twitter Name: LoLately
Sadly, my first thought was how tiny his belly button is. My second thought was humuna humuna.
OMG, this is fucking hysterical! Rboin you are my new hero!
Oh mah lord, that’s funny… of course, it’s a rip off of that Rolling Stone cover of Janet Jackson’s boobies being covered by some lucky dudes hands… it’s all good though. Adam is kinda delicious, no?
Taco Smell. I hate that place.
Ditto what Jbern said, FingHysterical.
HIM: “Damn that immodium is NOT working”
HER: “Ahhhh Shhhhhhiiiiiiittttttttttttttttt(infinite)
Twitter Name: KINGOFNYHACKS
So I was intrigued by the title, I stop in to investigate, I giggle at the lead up, I scroll down to the photo with a “Come to Momma” thumb-slide on the droid and am immediately hit with, “Whoah, there should be more junk to cover. Poor guy. Nice polish , though. I reckon.” ;)
Twitter Name: outdoordogs
No. no photoshop. She’s gotta be behind (hehe) the white curtain!!
Oh, the comments here are as good as the post.
Laughing so hard from top to bottom.
How did they pose that?
Just….how? Becuase you know her nose has to be just where we all think it is.
Twitter Name: gdrpempress