A few weeks back, I decided to hang up my cape and put my kids back into a regular school program. I’ve been homeschooling them through a public charter school where they were in class a couple of days per week, which was working for a while. Then, after a particularly busy month, I looked up and realized that the kids had been playing video games for two weeks. I enrolled them in school the following Monday. Being the little geniuses that they are, they jumped right in to kick some ass. Both are considered advanced students and one of them just got Student of the Month.
See… video games ARE good for kids.
There were some things that I didn’t miss from having my kids in a full time school setting. The morning drop offs and afternoon pick-ups are a drag. The hours of worthless homework that they have to do every night. The laundry… cuz now they can’t wear their pajamas every day, all day. But the one thing that I think I’m going to get the most annoyed by are all the damn fundraisers!!
Every year, they’re asked to sell wrapping paper that tears too easily, candles that don’t burn because the wick drowns, and ten pound tubs of chocolate chip cookie dough. (Okay, well maybe the cookie dough isn’t all that bad.) When are they supposed to fit in the sales of these crappy items between all those hours of homework? How much do my kids’ efforts really net the school, anyway? And do I get to return all the prizes that they earn not if, but WHEN they fall apart?
Nope… not a fan of fundraising.
I think it goes deeper than the fact that the kids are peddling… well… crap. I think it goes back to my own fundraising days. Back when I was a sweet little Patch Whore. I mean, Blue Bird. We had to sell candy to earn money towards camp. This should have been a complete waste of my time since my paranoid mom never allowed me to go to camp, but that didn’t matter. I was into it for the patches. Beacuse patches were just proof that I kicked ASS! Every year, I’d put on my little starched white shirt, don my little red jumper, button up my little blue vest with my little Blue Bird pin on my right pocket flap, head down to the local grocer to set up shop and… sell, sell, SELL!!
Picture an eight year old, female, Billy Maes (God rest his Oxy-Clean soul).
No, I didn’t mess around. I wasnt’ the timid girl that eeked out a wimpy “Would you like to buy some Almond Rocha?” No, my sales pitch was more in-your-face experiential. I’d open up a can and start enjoying the stuff right there. The cost of the can was negligble once the hungry shoppers heard me say, “Mmmmm, mmmmm… mmmmmmmmmm…. this stuff is so gooooood!” They were lining up to hand me their dollars like crack fiends looking for a fix. I’d hit my fundraising goals in the first hour, earning me the annual Quota Pin. All the sales beyond that were just more patches!
One year, sales were especially good. I was sure to get some serious awards for all my efforts. Maybe even have a patched named after ME! Unfortunately, it was the same year that my sister joined the troupe. Now, you have to know something about my sister. She doesn’t compete. At anything. She’s one of the kids that they created the “participant” certificates for. And that’s fine. If you like underachieving. Me? I liked to show my wins all over my vest.
Did I mention I liked my patches?
So, this one particular year, my sister tagged along with me to sell in front of the stores. While I was tempting and coercing shoppers into can after can of Almond Rocha, my sister was staring off at clouds or picking her nose or whatever it is that “participants” do. At the end of our weeks of sales, I looked at all my earnings and started counting the patches. But that year, I was only going to see the Quota Pin. My mom (who to this day will not admit that my sister is her favorite, but she so totally is) came to me and told me that I was going to be sharing my sales with my participating sister who had not sold anything. She said something about being fair.
FAIR?
What’s fair about taking MY hard earned patches and blowing them on a nose picker who didn’t even TRY to sell one can?? I pleaded and pleaded, but my mom had made up her mind. Based on the sales, she said, I would still get my Quota Pin… and now, so would my sister. So the wealth was spread. My individual efforts were shared by the participating collective.
And that’s really why I hate fundraisers.
And possibly why I’m a conservative.
So when my kids’ teachers ask me to help with fundraisers, I’ll try really hard not to get them crazy eyes and will politely tell them to call my sister and have her write a check for the amount that my children would otherwise earn for the school if her sister’s heart hadn’t been crushed by the loss of all those beautiful patches back in 1978.
And when the kids bring home their certificates for participating, I’ll try not to let them see that little tiny bitter tear that is dripping down the side of my face.
About Sugar Jones
That story got me pissed off at your mother who made you share your sales with your non-motivated sister. Tell your mom, if she is still alive, god rest her soul if she’s not, that what she did was WRONG and thousands of internet ppl agree with YOU and are pissed off at her.
Twitter Name: PeggySueCusses
Thankfully, after years of therapy, I’ve learned to let it all go. Can’t you tell? ;)
Twitter Name: SugarJones
This year, when my son’s school did their annual “I think it’s a great idea to sell FROZEN crap so I have 30 minutes to get everybody’s stuff to them before it goes bad” fundraiser. Well, I don’t have time for that mess, so I just wrote a check. They got WAY more money from that check than they would have if we had sold 100 of those frozen crap things. My son still got to participate in the party (that probably cost way more than they made from the stupid fundraiser) and I didn’t have to worry about storing 50 pounds of frozen pizza dough. Win-Win!
I think that will be my solution, as well. And yeah… the parties… what the hell??? You can just hear the money raised going down the drain. I think they do this just to make us crazy.
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I thought I hated fundraisers as a teacher. But that’s nothing compared to how much I hate them as a parent. Also, I am now feeling guilty about making my kids share what they get from birthday parties. But it’s not the same, right? I promise I won’t make them share things that they earn.
Twitter Name: triplezmom
Sharing birthday party loot is totally different. They didn’t do anything to earn it. Plus, they are SUPPOSED to share the candy with mom, so…
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I know that school fundraisers can be a pain in the you-know-what; but depending on who is running the fundraiser, the proceeds really do enrich the kids environment and experiences at school. PTA fundraisers-you can bet the money goes to get some wonderful things for the babies of those PTA mommas. But, some times other parents do have to get involved and take a stand and at the beginning of the year & say…”We are not going to sell c**p this year…it is unethical and immoral to show someone a nice picture of a product and then deliver something through trick photography you see that it is a “bag” of candy the size of a little sugar pack. That is teaching our children how to be fraudulent, in my opinion. There are some good fundraisers…you have to make sure you get ones that aren’t based on tricking the customers. Because it is more about raising ethical children than getting enough money for the school playground. So, get involved and make sure it is done right. A little tip from a very experienced PTA mom…PTA moms can raise A LOT, A LOT of money for the school…It may sound wrong but the teachers and administrators know whose moms are involved and who hold the purse strings of this money. You just never know when this might come in handy. (You cannot take advantage of this…it will only work a time or two). And those parents that come in and volunteer…you betcha the teachers take note and well, let’s put it this way, if you know you are going to see little Suzy’s mom every Monday when she volunteers, are you going to make sure things are going great for Suzy and her experience at school is a pleasant one? It is only human nature. It may not be fair; but, even for the best of teachers this is true.
God love ya, Terri, but don’t EVEN get me started on the PTA stuff. ;)
Twitter Name: SugarJones
Genius! Brilliant! Had me laughing all the way through… New nickname – “patch whore”!
Glad I could make El Sooper Mexicano smile. :)
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I’m THRILLED that my kid’s school has gone to no-stuff fundraisers. FUNraisers, actually. Family events, bingo nights, etc. SOoooooo much better than crappy pizza, cheesy wrapping paper and coupon books.
*snicker* patch whore. HAHAHAHA!!!
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
Those FUNraisers sound like WAY more fun! Although, I remember a friend of mine had to organize casino night at her school once and by the end of all the work, gathering donations, buying food and supplies, they barely broke even. Still, the next year they did it again. Why? Because parents love to party!!!
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I also hate sales fundraisers. I end up showing the order form to a few people, then split the sales evenly between the kids so that they don’t ruin their class’s chance at the 100% participation rewards. (Note: This split is not on the same plane as what Sugar’s mom did, since I’m the one selling the stuff, not the kids.) My favorite fundraisers are the ones at restaurants- I don’t have to cook dinner, the school gets some moolah. Win-win.
Video games are good for kids. I maintain that the constant video game playing is training Hoss to be a surgeon- have you seen those robotic things they use now? Totally the same as manipulating the game system controls.
Twitter Name: MamaKaren
I think NASA requires that their mission control peeps be gamers, don’t they? ;)
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I just liked my own post. Hahahaha!!
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I pay my kids NOT to participate in hawking fleamarket shit at Madison Ave prices to friends and family in exchange for a dollar store lead-filled tchotchke. Just say no. Or, in in my case, NO fucking WAY.
ps. i particularly like our overweight fat kids selling tubs of cookie dough. It’s so, um, american.
Twitter Name: returntoworkmom
SNORT!!
Twitter Name: SugarJones
My mom sucked. She wouldn’t let me be a Brownie or a Girl Scout so I didn’t get to do fundraisers that way. And even when the school had s sell boxes of Barton’s candy, I was allowed to sell to my parents and my grandparents. That’s it. No neighbors. Why? Because then WE would get stuck buying what THEY had to sell. Um…yes and? Anyway, it made me one of the suckiest sellers known to man – if Quota Pins had been available for Barton’s candy, I would’ve gotten bupkis. Probably why I buy so many damn Girl Scout Cookies nowadays…making up for lost time!
Twitter Name: sharonkurheg
I have to admit, I always feel so bad plowing past the kids at the grocery store. As much as I want to help them sell their Thin Mints, those things are the devil’s fruit, man!! Do you know how many miles you have to run to burn those little suckers off? You were actually doing the world a great favor by not participating! But you can still say your mom sucked. I won’t take that away from anyone. ;)
Twitter Name: SugarJones
I dislike fundraisers with a passion. I hated doing them as a kid and won’t subject my kids to it at all.
I won’t whore out my kids for pennies on the dollar. I expect 1/2 the sales if I’m letting my kids do that crap.
My kids are not allowed to participate in things that require me to work bingos.
Been there, done that when I was a kid. So not doing it as an adult.
I’ll just write a cheque thank you very much!!
Your mom definitely acted like a liberal.
I don’t do fundraisers, and neither do my kids. Whenever I get hit up for one (buying or selling) I offer to make a cash donation of $20.
It is so worth $20 to me to not have to deal with it.
this year I flat out refused. I was too pregnant for that crap.
Twitter Name: Lex 4524 (laprimera)
First- Is that Terri person for real?
Second- Your mom is UNfair and totally a liberal!! HA! (I literally LOL’ed at that comment) In light of the previous post I read about your mom I have decided she may be just slightly worse than mine!
Fundraisers are lame unless they are the ones at restaurants. Thankfully my kids haven’t entered that stage yet but I hate how my friends make me feel guilty if I don’t purchase crap from their kids.
Every school should just set up a fundraiser at Chick Fil A and everyone would be happy!