Dear Cecily,
My daughter is obsessed with Disney princesses. Belle, Tiana, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White… all of them. She wants to wear dresses every day regardless of how deep the snow is outside, insists on wearing a tiara at all times, and generally dances around singing parts of songs from the movies which makes me utterly insane. What the hell do I do?
– Frustrated with Disney
Oh, honey.
Just give in. It’s hopeless.
I’m a card-carrying black belt feminist, myself, and I was utterly DETERMINED to keep my daughter away from the massive Disney machine. Because, after all, it IS different than it was when we were kids; the Disney princesses weren’t packaged as a set when we were kids. There weren’t aisles of the toy stores color coordinated to our genders when we were kids. It wasn’t possible, when we were kids, to buy six princess at once plus accessories for $18 like it know.
Dude, it’s a war we cannot win.
I fought the good fight long and hard, though. I gave my daughter Groovy Girls and Holly Hobby (do you know how fucking hard it is to find a Holly Hobby or a Raggedy Ann doll now?) which she utterly ignored in favor of the torn-up half bald Ariel doll she found lying in the street one day that she immediately clasped to her breast in wonder and joy. I didn’t know what the hell to do, honestly.
So I did what every blogger does, of course, I bitched about it on my blog.
Most of my readers were sympathetic until one person stopped me in my tracks: she said, “Aren’t you being a bit hypocritical? After all, if your daughter was a BOY, you’d let HIM play with princesses wouldn’t you?” And I realized, shockingly, of COURSE I WOULD. In fact, I’d feel SMUG AND PROUD as a feminist to have a boy that loved princesses.
And with that, I had to set aside my pride and allow my daughter to be the princess-loving maniac she is.
Even if it IS fueled by the capitalistic-fueled evil patriarchy. WHATever.
………
If you’d like to ask Cecily a question, please do! Email her right away. She awaits your word.
About Cecily Kellogg
This is when I’m really glad that I have boys.
Also? My friend is professor of women’s studies. STAUNCH FEMINIST. You name it. Her daughter? Will only wear pink and leopard print and is obsessed with makeup and princesses. GUFFAW.
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
If you can’t beat ‘em, exploit ‘em! Since birth I’ve been telling my two daughters (5 and 3) that princesses get to wear dresses and crowns because they’re good at math and science. Whenever we do anything vaguely mathy (or science-y), I say, “Aren’t you good princesses today, doing all this math (science)!” I also finish the story books about princesses with, “And they all lived happily ever after, and went to grad school to get their Ph.D’s.”
I figure they’ll be plenty encouraged in reading and writing, since they’re girls, but if I’m going to exploit the princesses right back, I’m going to do it in the math and science arenas that are typically the domain of men/boys. Nothing would make me happier than to have two tiara wearing engineers in the family.
Oh, and Barbie dresses up as a princess often enough that it works for her, too.
This seriously works. If you ask my daughters, “How do you become a princess?” they will say, “Math and Science!”
Mommy wins.
Twitter Name: prettybabes
I have a two year old daughter and am expecting my second girl, and I consider myself a feminist, so I’ve been watching the princess phenomenon. Anyway I’m reading a book, Cinderella Ate My Daughter: http://www.amazon.com/Cinderella-Ate-Daughter-Dispatches-Girlie-Girl/dp/0061711527 by Peggy Orenstein that talkes about where the princess marketing scheme came from, Bratz and American Girl Dolls and more. It is really interesting. I’m only a 1/3 of the way into it, but I’d highly recommend it to anyone with daughters who is concerned/wondering about princess culture and what it will do to our girls.
I have two boys (4 and 18 months). The four year old has been a fan of the princesses for awhile now (hmmm, now that I think about it, since I got pregnant with his little brother and desparately wanted to distract him so I could lay on the couch). He loves Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Belle, and Tiana. Of course, he is also enthralled by the Beast and dragons and frogs and stuff. My husband, is quite horrified when our son insists on Princess and the Frog for the 3rd time in a row. I smile and tell hubs to suck it. You can’t stop Disney. Of course, if he starts taking a liking to Bratz dolls, I may put my foot down, just on principle.
My daughter is three and a half, and so far I’m fighting the good fight. She likes princesses in general, but I refuse to buy her the Disney crap so she isn’t really that clued in. All her little friends wear the costumes and have the dolls, so she’s somewhat aware of it, but she also knows that “mommy doesn’t like princesses”. I did buy her some fairly wings, a wand and a boa, which she dresses up in far more often than the other costumes (firefighter! doctor! pirate!) she owns.
It’s not so much a generic princess I mind – I mean, I’m not thrilled, but I get the appeal for a little girl – it’s the Disney marketing machine and the messages about romantic love, etc. All my friends think I’m being ridiculous, though, and I recognize that in the grand scheme of things, this probably doesn’t matter much. Also I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep her away from it all.
I have a newborn son as well, and basically I feel the same way. If he wants to dress up as a princess, fine, but I wouldn’t want him to dress up as a Disney-marketed princess.
I have the opposite problem–I was TOTES going to raise my boy all gender-neutral. He was NOT going to be obsessed with cars and trains. Boys only go crazy for that stuff when it is pushed on them.
Sigh. He’s three. He quotes the Thomas the Tank Engine movies & Cars incessantly. Anything with wheels gets his immediate love. Trains, cars, airplanes, all boy. Everything in the house is a racecar–even the things which aren’t branded as such.
Although his favorite color is pink, and he loves cuddling with his stuffed animals, so I suppose I didn’t fail completely. Also, we trained him to say “Sir Topham Hatt is a fascist!” (But lately he’s balking at that, having cottoned on that a fascist is a bad thing. But OMG, he IS a fascist!!!!!)
Twitter Name: Amy Moss
My oldest was all about the princesses, but trust me they grow out of it. Embrace it while it lasts. Soon enough she’ll be all, “I hate pink, you won’t catch me in a dress, and princesses are for babies.” I promise.
Twitter Name: eatplaylove
my daughter wold only wear dresses as a young girl – made me crazy! she is now one of the strongest, most hard-ass, loving women i know!
c’est la vie!
I have a theory that the amount of fawning that a little girl does over a Disney princess is directly proportional to how much of a ball busting feminist her mom is. My kid? LOVES princesses. And she loves, like, *the* worst one.. Sleeping Beauty. Seriously? Let’s take a NAP until some dude comes along to save us?! Sigh, but yeah, I give up. Whatever.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Both my girls gravited towards Disney Princesses without any of my input. i agree it’s a mean marketing machine, but it makes them SO happy!! I was a HUGE Disney fan as a little kid, and I think I turned out alright. I agree that the whole stage will be pretty short-lived, so i’m trying to enjoy it. and as for the crappy princess messages (like needing a man to get through), I just find ways to talk about it and push those ideals out of their heads. for example, my five year old is in karate b/c she loves it and its totally empowering and she feels great after sparring with another kid and wrestling.
i also have a boy, and without even doing anything to push any type of toy or interest, he went ape-shit over things with wheels. Hes’ obsessed with Thomas, Toy Story and Cars. And the movie Space Chimps. Oh, and he’s only 2. I think he had a stroke when he saw the kid-sized ATV at the outdoor store the other day. Boys…girls….
Twitter Name: lucynamackay
I remember that comment on your blog, and it did the same thing to me. Gah! But at least I can fawn over the fact that my son loves purple as much as my daughter.
I just tend to believe that the messages I deliver and the example I set will have more weight than a toy. And I am definitely not a princess. If she asks, “Mommy do you want to be a princess?” “Nah, I would rather just be me.”
One of my favorite things about my daughter wearing dresses all of the time…less laundry and no coordinating tops with bottoms. That’s my silver lining to her princess obsession :-)
I wish I were so lucky! My kid loves princesses but somehow favors skirts. So I have to find skirts, leggings, AND tops that match in this godforsaken new england weather. Bah humbug!
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
.When my two girls were in grade school Id often hang out with the mommies at the waiting shed eagerly waiting for our daughters class dismissal. I thought it was clear…Until one afternoonI received a phone call if I could supervise the times Lauren and her son were together in either of our homes.
Kids are gonna be who they are. We can direct and guide, but ultimately, they’ll find their own path.
I just spent 3 days at Disneyworld with the fam. My 8 yr old niece was resplendent in her Belle gown. Smart kid that she is, she wore shorts and a tank top for when the gown got too hot.