My husband, he’s what you would call a “good ol’ boy.”
He grew up in the mountains of North Carolina.
He used to shoot groundhogs with a shotgun with his dad.
He refers to excited male genitalia as “skillet handles.”
He made up a twangy Christmas song about unsanitary vaginas to the tune of Jingle Bells. It’s called, “Jingle Giner” & it references Febreeze. (Hello, we’re soul mates).
This picture was taken on the day we met:
Cute, right? He’s got that ruggedly handsome thing going on. (By the way, he doesn’t smoke anymore. He quit over a year ago. Super happy about that. I’d like to keep him around for as long as possible.)
You’ll find his name under “salt of the Earth” on Wikipedia.
He’s the kind of dude who has callouses on his palms & a cold beer in his manly grip.
But he’s not what you would consider a full fledged “redneck.”
He doesn’t listen to country music. (Except for Johnny Cash & Willie Nelson, of course, they don’t count). None of that bedazzled cheesy country for this guy.
He doesn’t wear camo or have a rebel flag tattooed anywhere on his body.
He’s never appeared on Jerry Springer.
And he certainly doesn’t have a meth lab in a trailer out back.
Although he does have a strong southern accent, which I’ll admit, took me awhile to get used to even though I grew up in South Carolina. Some of the things that come out of his mouth still make me laugh. When we first got together, I started keeping a list of “Zack-isms” in my journal.
A few examples:
- “They’ve got a whole slew of yungins.” Translation: They have a lot of children.
- “We need more shit tickets.” Translation: We’re out of toilet paper.
- “I feel like a monkey trying to fuck a football.” Translation: I’m unsuccessfully trying to accomplish something & I look stupid doing it.
- “That went over like a turd in a punch bowl.” Translation: That idea was not well received.
- “I ’bout told Coon to call an ambulance.” Translation: I almost told Officer Coon to summon a medical emergency vehicle. FYI, he said this right after we got into a car wreck.
Make no mistake, just because he has a lexicon chock full of southern expressions, he’s no dummy. All too often, when I hear an accent, I’m way too quick to stereotype.
Which is what I did the night we met. We didn’t talk a long time but I did write in my journal that I thought the conversation was a little “elementary.” Don’t you love it when you read your old journals & roll your eyes at yourself?
It didn’t take long for me to recognize that this dude was sweet, gracious, humble, hysterical & smart as a whip.
I knew I had to keep him when he asked me to “be his woman.”
During a discussion about my boobs deflating after breast feeding he said to me: “Baby, I’ll still love your boobs even if I have to roll ‘em up to play with ‘em.”
Which totally sealed the deal for me.
I wish I could clone him so everyone could experience the joy of being married to a good ol’ boy. Southern slang & all.
About Robin Plemmons
Jingle Giner! Shit ticket! I am dying over here!! Seriously, I hate when people say “I just spit my drink out all over the screen!” (because did you REALLY?! I mean you literally laughed so hard at something that you actually couldn’t control your mouth and it actually went spraying on the screen?) and stuff, but this totally made me crack up :)
Just think, I have to live with this guy. He’s made me shart before.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
“I feel like a monkey trying to fuck a football.”
I think Zack and I were meant to be related.
We can totally be sibling-cousin-inlaws.
It’ll be awesome.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
It’s meant to be. You two look so much alike.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Hahaha, he sounds like my husband. Except my husband does wear camo and listen to country music.
My favorite was “It’s so hot I could jump in a lake full of ice” except when he says ice it sounds like ass. So what I heard was “It’s so hot I could jump in a lake full of ass” there are constant ice/ass jokes in my house because of this.
Twitter Name: unknwndreamer
OMG, Virginia. We have ice/ass jokes around here all the time, too. ALL the time.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
I am CACKLING!! I married a good ole country boy too! Grew up on a farm, smartest person I’ve ever met in my life. Fo realz. I love a manly man! The boob comment KILLED me!
Twitter Name: robinobryant
Those country boys are keepers!
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
This post makes me so happy! Especially being a girl from the mountains of N.C. Hopefully some guy will find that endearing…I used to get made fun of for my accent (ex: drawling “biiitch” out into 2 syllables), but I’ve learned to embrace it.
Some guys will DEFINITELY find that endearing. And whomever doesn’t appreciate it can kiss your ice.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
OMG that’s freaking hysterical! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for reading & commenting & laughing with me, Desera!
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Ah…that’s the thing I miss most about the South. The colorful expressions. Some of my faves: “sweatin’ like a whore in church;” “slicker ‘n a coupla seals fuckin’ in a bucket o’ snot;” “I’d liked ta jerked a knot in his ass.”
You’ll never be bored.
Oh yes. I’ve heard all of those. Love it.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Oh yeah–and “queer as a football bat.”
You had at groundhog!!!
Twitter Name: StacieinAtlanta
I laughed so hard when he first told me that he did that. I was like, “you shot them when they would pop out of the ground?” It’s like that whack-a-mole arcade game.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Well shit. I meant “You had me at groundhog!!!”
Sounds stupid the other way.
Twitter Name: StacieinAtlanta
watch out — now we all got a crush on your man!
Twitter Name: returntoworkmom
You ain’t the only one! ;)
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Is it safe to use Febreeze on my giner? If that is the case, it would save me a lot of bathing time. Get back to me on that please.
Twitter Name: motherbumper
No. Do not use Febreeze on your giner. It stings (in a good way) at first & then it makes it all itchy & red. Not sure why. There must be chemicals or something in it.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
I think that Windex may be ok!
Twitter Name: StacieinAtlanta
It’s them Plemmons guys…they come with hearts of gold and bodies of steel. :) (Although some of them insulate the steel a little bit more than others).
Here are some Plemmons quotes I’ve gathered:
That looks sorta sy-gogglin’. (not straight)
That woman was so ugly she’d back lightnin up a tree!
That’s bout as useful as socks on a rooster.
” ” ” ” ” ” ” ” ” tits on a bull.
He lives way out in Plum Nilly. (Plumb out of Asheville and nearly to TN)
Oh Robin, ya stumbled into a gold mine in that one. Hold on tight! :)
Bethany
Bethany- Zack loved your comments. You are well-versed in Spring Creek Plemmons talk! Love that we found each other. :)
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
A few more:
Mollycoddlin (spoiling a person)
Dinkin’ (or donkin’) around (doing whole lots of nothing)
Quietus (kwy EET us) as in what Daddy would say–”You girls settle down or I’m gonna put the quietus on ya!!”
Piddlin (see “dinkin’” or “donkin”)
Hornswaggled (scammed)
“You’re wasting day!” (if you sleep in too late)
He sounds like my kinda guy.
And. I love your SOuthern-English translations.
Twitter Name: thedgoddess
He’s a good one, that’s for sure. Most of the translations are descriptions that he came up with. So funny.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
for those of you wondering if this man is really possible, he is…even to me his over protective sister in law. :)
Love this, R. I swore off Southern men many years ago after a couple bad experiences. But recently I realized it was the men not the Southern. Recently, I realized how much I adore a good Southern man. And yours is cuter ‘en a basketful of hound dawgs.
Okay, I’ve lived in SC for 4 years (I’m a Yankee, but not a NYC or Jersey Yankee, thank you very much) and when I first heard some of these expressions, I have to admit I thought they were kidding. Like, people really speak like this? And then I grew to love it, although I can’t pull it off at all.
Sounds like a great man you’ve got there.
Twitter Name: DTKMMeLookCrazy
Customer from GA once asked for the Call Center Manager coz I was silent on my end of the phone. Truth is, I was blushing so bad I couldn’t talk. I swear I thought he sounded like Billy Bob Thornton (hot, hot, hot) and almost made me pee on my pants. Of course, I was forgiven when I told him so.
Too risky posting your hubby’s photo on this post but with his comment on rolling boobs and all, this guy’s crazy for you!
And my BF is a Yankee in TN with just the right drawl I want in a man.
Ha, I love your guy! Mine shows fantastic glimpses of that down home side too… (shooting rats in the backyard with a BB gun, using a machete to spruce up the yard, etc.). And I just wrote about those eye-roll worthy journal entries today…
Whoops, it posted the wrong link in regards to eye-roll worthy journal entries! :) http://laurenastevensblog.com/2011/02/13/a-tortured-teenage-soul/
Ahaha… Robin, I love this post. You are great. Happy Valentine’s Day to you two :)
Twitter Name: Katie Lombardo
Girl, I can’t wait to meet this man of yours…..he sounds like your perfect match!!
I gotta work my way out your way soon!!! Remind me to bring an extra suitcase so I can buy out your stock of goods!!!
My husband, Sarge, who grew up mule-farming in Alabama (I shit you not) and shooting rabbits w/ a shotgun at age 6 that dared to venture into his Daddy’s greens patch would like me to add these beauties to your list:
“Happier than a sissy in a dick tree”
and
“Making more noise than skeletons fucking on a tin roof” (used to describe our 3 kids on a regular basis)
He also wants everyone to know HE wrote a song called “Pull Your Panties Aside”. I’ll let you ponder just what that song is about.