YER DOING IT WRONG: Advice, Aiming Low Style

January 10, 2011
by • 10 Comments

Dear Cecily,

I’ve decided that When Harry Met Sally is a destructive Romantic Comedy to base my hopes and dreams of relationships on, so what movies can replace it in my number one “I hope this happens to me” romantic comedy slot?

Actually… I think When Harry Met Sally is actually not too bad, to tell the truth. Boy meets girl, boy is insufferable asshole, boy grows into much less insufferable asshole, girl become prissy snippy asshole, and eventually they become friends and after years of lovely friendship realize they are in love.

Since my marriage is based on the fact that my husband is basically Lloyd Dobbler of Say Anything, I really can’t fault you on the choice of When Harry Met Sally. After all, you could have made some FAR worse choices. For instance, right now my daughter is watching Beauty and the Beast for the 9,000 time and guess what? In that movie, the heroine falls for a guy with dog legs and fangs that’s basically an abusive prick.

Or maybe you could choose another Meg Ryan classic, You’ve Got Mail, in which Attractive Owner of Monolith Bookstore Tom Hanks obliterates her family’s bookstore and her livelihood, but it’s okay, because she really wanted to write fucking children’s books and besides, he’s rich (oh my GOD, that movie made me so furious). Or maybe the even worse Meg Ryan vehicle Kate and Leopold in which a smart, attractive business woman tosses it all aside to live in the literal past where she’s reduced to being her man’s property!

Shit. Okay. You’re totally right. No Meg Ryan movies for you. Not even When Harry Met Sally.

Let’s switch to Sandra Bullock. How about While You Were Sleeping? Girl meets boy, saves boy’s life, but boy is in coma, girl pretends to be engaged to boy, boy’s family embraces girl including highly attractive brother of boy, then boy wakes up and turns out to be an insufferable prick, girl leaves insufferable prick at hospital alter and is then proposed to romantically by boy’s brother and whole family in a subway booth?

Yes. I think that one works well, and all happens in the lovely city of Chicago. Clearly, you need to immediately get a job as a ticket booth jockey at the CTA, then pick an attractive rich man to save from death so you can fall in love with his brother. Done!

Filed Under: All Posts, Popping Your Culture Tagged With: , , , ,
About Cecily Kellogg

Cecily can be found blogging at Uppercasewoman.com, here at Aiming Low, and about parenting at Sweetney.com. Cecily is probably best known for her wise-cracking, f-bomb laced musings as CecilyK on twitter.

Comments

  1. daniel says:
    January 10, 2011 at 9:50 am

    you forgot city of angels… how cool would it be to have an angel fall in love with you, fall from grace for you and then you die!

    Reply
  2. Megan (Best of Fates) says:
    January 10, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Fantastic advice, but I live near D.C. Do you think it’ll have the same impact when I save a man from a Metro train?

    Plus, I’m clearly going to develop some staking skills to figure out which ones are rich enough to be saved!

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  3. Mel says:
    January 10, 2011 at 9:55 am

    GAH! I wish I would have read this before I went to work. Now I REALLY want to spend the day curled up watching unrealistic romantic movies.

    Reply
  4. Deb Rox says:
    January 10, 2011 at 11:40 am

    Just as long as I don’t have to stand out in the yard hanging laundry all of the time waiting for a naked man to arrive from the past or future. Because that’s creepy. And probably a misdemeanor.

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  5. Britt Reints says:
    January 10, 2011 at 11:58 am

    Everyone should aspire to the love story of Tangled.

    I’m not even be funny because THAT is how awesome and not cliche that movie is.

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    Reply
  6. The Domestic Goddess says:
    January 10, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    Which movie is it when the girl falls for the co-worker of the guy she is dating, doesn’t persue him because of the guy she’s dating, then the guy she’s dating dumps her for his ex-girlfriend so she gets the guy in the end? Is that a Meg Ryan movie?

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  7. BetaDad says:
    January 11, 2011 at 3:45 am

    I think my favorite rom-com is Moonstruck, even though I don’t think I could watch it now, knowing what has become of its formerly adorable stars, Cher and Nick Cage.

    Reply

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YER DOING IT WRONG: Advice, Aiming Low Style

January 3, 2011
by • 11 Comments

Dear Cecily,

Would you help shave a friend’s very hairy ass??? Now, this is a very close friend.

– Tracie

Wow, Tracie. Talk about a loaded question.

So. A very close friend, eh? I’m going to go ahead and assume this is a male friend, Tracie, because women don’t often have hairy asses and if they do, they damned well know to go to a professional and not ask a friend to come over and help with the ass shaving. They also generally know that waxing is a far better choice when it comes to the ass area; no one likes the way shaved hair feels growing back in around those more intimate areas, oh, crevices.

So I’ve heard.  I’ve never waxed or shaved anything lower than my eyebrows.

Me? No, I’d take a pass. But I’m married, and not really the kind of girl that gets asked that sort of thing. You know. ANYMORE. Were I still a young single woman and a male friend wanted my help shaving his ass? Yeah. I’d have done it. Probably while drunk. And smoking cigarettes. Then I would have had sex with him. Because I did that sort of thing while I was drinking. Lots. And what else is ass shaving but foreplay?

Wait, what were we talking about?

Okay. Seriously – as serious as one can be about ass shaving – most of the, uh, reasonable sites I looked at while researching this (mostly written by douchebag fitness dudes) suggested very strongly that you avoid using anything other than electric razors. Although Mach 3 razors are apparently the disposable of choice for ass shaving, along with using a shaving gel meant for intimate areas. A handful of bold men suggested using Nair or similar products, although I didn’t read too much detail there because then they all began discussing hairy balls and NO. Just NO.

So I would suggest if you absolutely MUST help shave this man’s ass, use an electric razor. It will decrease the intimacy and provide you less of an opportunity to cause injury. Because seriously, nicking a man’s ass while shaving it is a sure way to ensure problems in this close friendship of yours.

Just consider this one last point: perhaps you could, instead, offer a gift certificate for a professional waxing. I hear that men are doing that now. Although, you know, OW.

Filed Under: All Posts, Know Yourself
About Cecily Kellogg

Cecily can be found blogging at Uppercasewoman.com, here at Aiming Low, and about parenting at Sweetney.com. Cecily is probably best known for her wise-cracking, f-bomb laced musings as CecilyK on twitter.

Comments

  1. Anissa Mayhew says:
    January 3, 2011 at 9:41 am

    I’ve heard that if you have to have it done you can find places that numb the places and it’s pretty pain-free.

    But i’ve NEVER felt the need to know firsthand.

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    Reply
  2. Laura says:
    January 3, 2011 at 10:18 am

    When in college I waxed my male friend’s entire body. We were very, VERY drunk. As you can imagine it didn’t go so well. Drinking while waxing doesn’t make blood clot very well and we were drinking…so there was more than a little blood. And NEVER wax the nut sack. There wasn’t enough booze in the world for that not to hurt him. Hell, it hurt me and I don’t even have a nut sack.
    Happy Hair Removal!

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  3. HeatherDurdil says:
    January 3, 2011 at 11:25 am

    I think that there were way too many visuals in this post for a post holiday Monday morning, because, um…wow. Yeah, just wow.

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  4. Robin Plemmons says:
    January 3, 2011 at 11:48 am

    See? This is a REAL LIFE issue. You are helping people with their hairy ass problems, Cecily. Bravo.

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    Reply
  5. MommyGeek says:
    January 3, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Oh. Wow. Just Wow.

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  6. Tara@Do These Kids Make Me Look Crazy? says:
    January 3, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    (vomit in mouth)

    Is it possible that the phrase “shave my friends’ very hairy ass” is a euphemism? Like, for “give a blowjob in a friends-with-benefits kind of way”? I mean, maybe we’re all interpreting this question too literally.

    Am I right?

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  7. Amy says:
    January 3, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    This reminds me of the question my guy friend asked me a few years ago. His live in love shaved the back of her ex (father of one of her kids). He asked “Isn’t that a little intimate and inappropriate?” Hells yeah!

    Reply
  8. IzzyMom says:
    January 3, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    Two words. Ingrown hairs. OWWWWWIE!

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  9. Julia Roberts says:
    January 4, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Ouch. to all of it.

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  1. Tweets that mention YER DOING IT WRONG: Advice, Aiming Low Style — Aiming Low -- Topsy.com says:
    January 3, 2011 at 10:11 am

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Anissa Mayhew. Anissa Mayhew said: YER DOING IT WRONG: Advice, Aiming Low Style http://t.co/cR7h04N via @AimingLow by @CecilyK, where you can get advice on a hairy ass! ROCK!! [...]

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