Peering over the dashboard of Mike’s great blue hoopdee, I marveled over its girth. The hood seemed to take up both lanes, digesting the yellow centerline dots like a Hungry Hungry Hippo. Our big plans for the evening included viewing The Exorcist while eating stir-fry at Mike’s bachelor pad, situated atop a neighborhood bar. This may not seem like the makings of the perfect Saturday night, but I felt giddy with anticipation.
I was nine. I was riding in the front seat. Mike was my babysitter.
Mike, the college-aged son of my parent’s friends, watched my siblings and I regularly. He even stayed at our house with us for extended periods while my parents vacationed. We adored Mike. Goofy and kind, he always made things more interesting. Watch TV? Absolutely! Let’s bring the other two sets in here too. Mike pioneered the concept of multi-screen viewing right in our family room. He kept us stocked in Pudding Pops, and more importantly, he kept us happy and well cared for.
Then there was Brian. Ahh…Brian. Camp Counselor extraordinaire and highly crush-worthy, he took me to my first rock concert. My brother remembers going as well, but my memory holds dear the idea of just Brian and I, and the The Nylons. Perhaps a Nylons show–an a capella doo-wop quartet of middle-aged guys– don’t exactly qualify as a rock concert, but it was the loudest and latest concert I’d ever attended, and my first without my parents. Tragically, I had terrible gas pains throughout the concert–probably due to nervous excitement. I tried to smile through clenched teeth and a furrowed brow any time Brian looked my way, resulting in a veritable comic/tragic mime face. Ever the caring baby sitter, and not the actual date I imagined him, Brian eventually asked me if I was okay.
“Why” I asked.
“Because every time I look over at you I see this” he grimaced.
Memories of Brian and Mike evoke in me a combination of warm nostalgia and a bit of melancholy. These guys made having sitters fun. Knowing that one of them planned to stay with us when my parents went out, made it an event to look forward to, rather than a trial to endure. Now I’m the parent-employer with my own precious charges that occasionally need tending, and this responsibility feels heavy.
I envy the ease with which my parent’s generation hired neighborhood kids, as opposed to the cross-examination required for me to feel I’ve adequately “screened” my potential babysitters. Do you know CPR? Do you have three excellent references? Would you ever leave my child alone for one single solitary moment unsupervised, even though I do so myself several times per hour? How adequately would I have answered these questions when I began babysitting at age twelve?
Do you have any experience caring for children? No.
What makes you qualified to care for our children? What?
Do you know CPR? I take Hebrew twice a week.
Do you know what to do in case of emergency? When I’m sixteen a toaster oven will burst into flames at the table right next to where the kids are sitting. I will throw a wet washcloth into the fire and for some reason the fire will go out, instead of engulfing the entire apartment building. I guess I was supposed to throw flour on it or something.
Do you have your own transportation? I have a ten-speed but I’m not very good at the turns. My parents might drop me off if you pick me up. Usually they tell me to take the bus during the day. It’s so weird when the Dads drive me home and we have to talk, but can we take your Mercedes with power windows? I chose the name Mercedes in Spanish class.
How do you handle discipline? What?
What will you do if our children are misbehaving? Turn on the TV.
What if they refuse to settle down? I will give them ice cream.
How much do you charge? $2.50 per hour is what you will end up paying me. I’m way too embarrassed to answer this question directly.
Are you interested in working for our family? Ok. Do you have cable? Do you have call-waiting? What kind of sugar cereal to you have?
I remember obtaining a list of interview questions in preparing to hire a part-time nanny to watch my first child. I planned to utilize a sitter-search website that thoroughly screened their applicants, but then a dear friend in the neighborhood told me she’d found an in-home daycare right on our street. She intended to send her son–a close playmate of my own son– to this home daycare.
I visited Laura’s home daycare the following week. A licensed provider, she cared for a handful of tots in her humble flat, and asked the going rate (which amounted to a measly $5.00/hour per child). Neither the pet-fur sprinkled apartment nor the toys appeared sanitary. The schedule seemed play-focused rather than a structured curriculum, and the food came from cans and freezer bags. I signed up on the spot.
Childcare providers can make things pretty and shiny. They can present a detailed educational lesson plan, and offer healthy organic foods. While these factors certainly compliment a good childcare experience, they do not replace the requisite component I witnessed that quiet morning at Laura’s. For what I saw at Laura’s place, she could not manufacture. I saw happy, peaceful children. A sweet calm pervaded. Tots climbed in and out of her lap with a comfort children reserve for beloved and trusted adults.
My boy’s development soared under Laura’s care. He learned to walk by holding on to her dog Rowley’s back. He made sticky cup cakes, and enjoyed hours of water play with his toddler peers. He had a smile on his face every day at pick up time. In fact, we often lingered for an extended goodbye, just so he could enjoy a few more minutes with Laura and his buddies. So a few mornings at drop-off I could tell she’d just stumbled out of bed and propped open her eyes with a double-espresso—good for her for maintaining a healthy work/life/partying balance.
The median age of sitters I’ve hired hovers around 25. Many of these women have master’s degrees, or work with children professionally. When did the nanny-bar (and the resulting compensation level) get raised so high? Who exorcised males from the equation? Can you imagine hiring a guy off of a babysitting website? Can I? As my children grow older and more communicative–and my Culture of Fear-induced, potential-molester-lurking-inside-of-even-the-nicest-neighbor-adrenaline ebbs–I’ve relaxed my standards a bit. If a teenage sitter came highly recommended by people I trust, and my kids seemed comfortable in their presence, I’d likely give it a try. At least, I like to think I’d give it a try.
As real and as threatening as child endangerment is, vigilance in hiring sitters reminds me of vigilance in caring for our children over all. We do our best, we trust our gut, and we hold our breath. Sometimes we choose wisely, and sometimes we don’t. As much as I want my children safe and well-cared for, I hope that my own biases and paranoia in the pursuit of the perfect candidate will not cause me to overlook the UnNannies–gems like Brian or Mike.
The Nylons, however, shall remain verboten.
About Ann Imig
Screen? Babysitters? Qualifications?
Oh. Um. Sure!!!
Of course I do that!!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
1.) WTF?? You watched The Exorcist when you were 9 and aren’t scarred irreparably? Is this because of your Judaism? (As a Catholic, it scared the living daylights out of me at 16 (the network version) and again at 24 (when it was re-released in theatres).
2.) I have an 18-year-old babysitter BOY who watches my kids, they love him. One of our other favorite babysitters (That CC still talks about and I am facebook friends with) of all-time was a boy we hired through the UW job board. His only reference was his word that he had a lot of nieces and nephews that he watched and was very comfortable with kids. And it was obvious from the first time he sat that it was true.
3.) Gas pains?!? Gahhhhhh. That is the worst! Even though I am totally laughing.
Twitter Name: theBitchinWife
Man, if I ever get around to actually hiring a babysitter instead of refusing to go out until a family member can take care of my kids, I’ll totally keep this in mind.
Gah. I really need to let go!
Twitter Name: mommygeekology
So glad I am not alone in this – haven’t been out in 8 years. I just heard they have stadium seating now at movies. One day I will check it out.
Twitter Name: sellabitmum
My boys are 8 & 10. The only time I have left them with a babysitter I stayed at home in the basement. Clearly I have problems. But your post reminded me of my childhood babysitters and how much I truly looked forward to their arrival. Except for Ms.Butter – everytime one of us went to the bathroom, she would stand outside the door, knocking incessantly, asking what we were doing in there – WTH?? Anyhow a fantastic nostalgic first post – thanks for sharing!!
Twitter Name: suzieswapper
Oh, I loved this post!
I started babysitting at 12. Full run of the fridge, the TV, and the kids went to bed 30 minutes before the folks were scheduled to return. :-) A good time was had by all.
Pearl
Twitter Name: pearlwhy
I used boy babysitters forever until, instead of putting on jammies, my oldest daughter started dressing up when she found out they were coming over. RUT ROH. Then we left her in charge. She still has massive crush on those boys (she now 18!)
Twitter Name: returntoworkmom
Ann! Hysterical as usual. I particularly loved: “I signed up on the spot.” For $5.00/hr, I would, too!!! How nice that you knew he’d be playing with other kids! As a side note, I’ve found–for Saturday night babysitters at least–the younger the sitter, the more my kids adore them. I’ve found a few neighborhood girls around 14 years old. They watch all 3 kids. $6-7/hr. They clean up all the toys too. It’s about the best I could find.
Twitter Name: NinaBadzin
Eli is available. He’s 13, knows his way around a pudding pop, and is a could teach the boys a thing or two about classic rock.
P.S. I LOVED this post :). And am so happy I don’t need babysitters any more.
We have reached that fabulous place, the one that was a mirage in the future!
We are proud ‘owners’ of a 13 yr with a Red Cross babysitting certificate under her belt – and it is a wondrous thing!
Twitter Name: ByWordsMusings
I can’t comment too much seeing as my kids have never had a babysitter (unless you count my mother-in-law or former neighbors, a couple in their early thirties, who watched them for exactly 1.5 hours once—I knew them to be totally NOT into Satan worship and such so I felt okay about it).
Basically, I remember how I was as a teen babysitter so, uh yeah..NO REGULAR SITTERS EVERRRR!
Also, this line made me laugh so hard I *may* have peed my pants a little.
“…resulting in a veritable comic/tragic mime face”
Twitter Name: izzymom
I hear you Izzymom! I remember eating anything unhealthy in the house and snooping at EVERYTHING :) And once the kids were in bed I was on the phone for hours.
Our one non family member babysitter was a 13 year old bible thumper the Welcome Wagon lady recommended. She was fab for the few times we left son with her for (gasp!) and hour or two once in a blue moon.
My 21 year old is a Manny for a little boy in Manhattan. He’s also a working musician, which basically means he can pay his own rent. He has 4 tattoos and with his long hair and beard could pass for Jesus.
I’m really glad the little boys mom didn’t over look the UnNannie, it’s a perfect match.
I watched The Exorcist at 19 and slept with my light on for a year!
I used to hire the boys next door to babysit my kids all the time.
Twitter Name: Joanie Mack
Oh, dear. I can’t relate to this at all.
I had NO fun or cool babysitters when I was young.
Rather, my brother and I enjoyed the occasional company of a bored college-adjacent student named Carol (or was it Barbara? Jeanine? Susan? Does it matter?). Imagine a blond ponytail and a face full of disdain. Any attempts at real fun (fort-building, sofa-bouncing, dog-food-pellet throwing) were immediately beaten out of us with a good, stiff Yahtzee board.
Then there was Mrs. Rudeen, quite likely the most dour, frightening old woman ever to walk the earth. Mrs. Rudeen served one item of food: bouillon. Beef bouillon. In cubes. Imagine a cow compressed into a cube the size of a sugar cube. Now dissolve the cow cube in boiling water. Drink. Kids love it! Also, Mrs. Rudeen called the sofa a “davenport.”
And that is how we knew she was a spy.
Awesome post, Ann.
:-) A.
Twitter Name: AnnaLefler
Love this post ann! I remember fondly a babysitter that my parents hired to take me to Ft. Lauderdale when I was 15. Best week of my life.
I was a pro babysitter, even stayed over for weekends when parents went out of town, and it was shocking even to me that they did this. I once locked myself and two toddlers out of a house when it was raining and took refuge in a neighboring treehouse ~up a makeshift ladder~ for hours waiting for the mom to come home, once created a fire making an impromptu cobbler, and once when a man backed into a family’s car in a parking lot I waived him away assuring him it was no problem and then in a few minutes was clutching three children at a busy road while AAA changed a tire. But I always washed the dishes, and I always told each child they were the awesomest ever and I couldn’t believe how weird their parents and siblings were. I think those were my secrets to success.
Twitter Name: debontherocks
“I have a ten-speed but I’m not very good at the turns.” Hahaha, that was totally me too! But getting a ride home with the Dad was the worst.
Loved this post. It has taken me 8 years and 3 kids to relax about “qualifications.” I have always hired college-aged sitters, but recently welcomed some 14-yo neighbor girls into the fold. They are wonderful! Even though neither one had ever changed a diaper before.
Twitter Name: peaceloveguac
Ugh!! I so forgot about that!! The ride home with the dad, bleh, so uncomfy. A neighbor girl took over taking care of his kids after I grew out of the job. Turns out daddy was pretty good at making babies with the baby sitter too!
One of the neighborhood girls who used to babysit my siblings and I just friended me on Facebook. I never told her or my parents about the time I found her “enjoying” her boyfriend. I learned a lot.
The best part of having many siblings is that we haven’t lacked for babysitters so I feel fortunate on that account. But I have to admit based upon my experience as a kid and former sitter I would be a bit nervous.
I think that some of my old “clients” learned that 17 year old boys have an insatiable appetite. Telling me that I could raid the fridge was almost better than getting paid.
Twitter Name: thejackb
Dontcha wish babysitters still charged $2.50 per hour?
Twitter Name: glossingoverit
I need to get some UnNannies or some Nannies. All I’ve got are Grannies, but…at least they’re free. They don’t take kids to concerts, though. Boo.
Twitter Name: KelleysBreakRm
I got $1 an hour, upped to $1.50 by some generous souls — which did not include the family down the street with four kids under the age of 6. I changed diapers, bathed kids before bed, cleaned up all the toys, and did the dishes. The house was always tidier when I left than when I’d arrived. None of the kids I sat for ever watched TV. I was 13 or 14. Can I even begin to imagine ANY sitter I’ve ever hired (even the college-aged ones) doing this much for the $10 an hour they charge? Not yet. Crazy, huh?
PS I know it sounds like this comment should end with “and back when I was a girl, I had to walk barefoot to school in the snow, uphill both ways,” but I swear I’m not that crochety.
All I’m thinking is, I really do need to find a babysitter for my children. I’m just scared for the babysitter, you see. My boys tend to get a little crazy sometimes! I mean, *I* can’t even control them, so what’s a poor innocent teenager going to do with them? Expose them to something awful on TV like Terminator 2? I’ve already done that! OMG. I’ve damanged my own children and I have no one to blame but myself!
I was the QUEEN babysitter in my neighbourhood when I was younger. I loved it! Honestly, it really made me want to be a mom. :) I even helped my sister out once, when she called me from a babysitting job asking me to help her clean up some poo from the carpet, as the child she was looking after didn’t quite make it to the bathroom in time!
I won’t leave my son with my step-mother-in-law because she can’t pass these questions that any entrepreneurial 12 year old now can.
That’s….normal…..right?
Let’s just say it’s normal.
Twitter Name: TamingInsanity
I stopped reading after you said you left your child with a babysitter…I then fantasized for 2.7 seconds, picturing how shiny my sink would be, smelling the absence of diapers, feeling the shower water lovingly caressing my skin (for the first time this week)…and then my kid yanked out half mah hair and I snapped back to reality….and cried softly into my coffee.
A fantastic post.
PS I believe my Spanish class name was Veronica. I bet Veronica and Mercedes would have been friends.
Twitter Name: shesuggests
A couple years back I tried to get a gig watching someone else’s child in my home. I figured it’s a pretty good reference that I keep my own alive. No one wanted a chick that has to also take care of her own child. You’re right that the baby sitting market has tightened up!
I love the mock interview. Very funny!
Twitter Name: BTaC_blog
Holy crap! If there were requirements other than having 4 younger siblings I often took care of alone, I’d never have gotten a job as a babysitter. Lemme tell ya, that money took me places I’d never have been able to go. When the first BK Lounge opened in our state, I was right there with my .59 to buy a shake. Good times.
This reminds me of my babysitting days. It started when I was 10 and would watch kids in my apartment building (I assume the parents figured my own parents were just a floor away) and moved on to teaching elementary school aged kids to yell “shotgun!” before entering my car. I so miss those days when children under the age of 15 didn’t need booster seats. Do you know how many kids I could fit in my Ford Expedition if they could roll around untethered in “the way back”?
I sometimes feel like I’m the babysitter when taking care of my own kids. “We need to pick a few things up at Target – who wants a treat! Everyone stay in the card Eleanor – don’t stand up George – sit on Oliver’s lap if you don’t have enough room. What kind of ice cream should we buy? Candy bar? What candy bar? I’m not eating a candy bar…okay fine you can have a bite.”
I loved having babysitters – but we never had boys. It was always girls and I thought all of them were BE-YOU-TI-FUL. But only if they had long hair.
This brought back memories. And now I want to google The Nylons.
Twitter Name: BigPieceofCake
Wow, your parents were pioneers of the Manny. I thought Britany Spears had spearheaded (Spearsheaded) the movement. I think my fave part was “Are you feeling okay?” “Why?” Why, ha.
I just friended my potential new sitter on Facebook. Do you think she really wants me scrutinizing her every post about Cover Girl mascara and Zac Efron dreams. Probably not…
AIMING LOW – you are lucky ducks to get Imig on board.
Twitter Name: gonnakillhim
I have a crush on this post.
My favorite babysitter was my friend’s 14-year-old sister, Carolyn. (aka Carolina Frankenstein-ah) She showed me how to crank call Scott Feldenheimer and let me braid her hair. Awesomeness.
This post was so funny, Ann! Got me remembering how I started babysitting for anybody and everybody at the age of 12. I made a dollar an hour, and then there was my aunt’s cheapskate boyfriend who’d pay me a dollar, period, for an entire night of babysitting my two bratty cousins!
I understand the moms saying they’ve never hired a babysitter, but I also think we all need to let go more. We finally found a sitter who lives three doors down, and she also happens to be one of my son’s teachers at afterschool care so it’s awesome. He loves when she comes over, she’s only 19 and she makes $10 an hour. Yeah, I long for the days of cheap sitters as it makes for a very expensive evening when we got out. But she is essential to our marital sanity, I swear.
I used boy sitters for my oldest when he was little, he ADORED them. I think that boys are just as good at babysitting as girls. I’ll use one for my little guy as he gets older if I find a suitable one.
And yeah, parents didn’t used to worry about every little detail before leaving their kids with a sitter. Most of us survived, I see. But I worry about a lot with my little guy, I doubt I’d leave him with a young teen who had no experience.
Twitter Name: kat1124
We had a Manny last year who is now working for the Cleveland Browns. I like to think watching my two boys prepared him for his new job.
Twitter Name: wendiaarons
I agree–always loved Aiming Low, but the addition of Rantin’ Ann? Brilliant.
Such a funny post. I was also a 12 year old babysitter and those people would go out for hours and hours, sometimes even to other states (well, probably not, but it felt like that) and I.Knew.Nothing. Tried to change a baby’s diaper on the toilet seat. She fell off and I caught her seconds before she hit the tile floor. I still get heart palpitations when I think about it.
Oooh, a different side of le Imig! And I like it! Great questions raised, Ann. I look back at the complete incompetents who cared for me and my siblings with fondness. Who knew you needed a masters in early childhood development to compete these days?
Twitter Name: theflyingchlupa
Dude. This entire post seems to be for people who have lives. Not counting day care providers, I’ve hired exactly two baby sitters since my son was born. And on both occasions I was home before eleven.
Your life is SO EXCITING.
I’m in the midst of having to hire our first non-family member babysitter and honestly, it seems like more work than its worth. I mean there’s the pick-up, the drop-off, then I have to find something around the house to feed to the sitter? And this is to say nothing of getting the baby ready for the sitter, preparing food for the event we are going to, getting there *and home* on time. It just seems like a hassle.
Yet, I will do it or at least give it a try. I know this work (including finding this sitter) will fall to me rather than my husband but I’m tempted to tell him that he’s going to have to do his share of the work otherwise this arrangement isn’t going work. Because that always works, right?
Twitter Name: tansasser
as usual I loved this. It’s so true. I live in a fear based world. Partly because of my heritage and partly b/c that is what you get for trying to act all smart and reading the newspaper.
I was a terrible babysitter! I don’t know how they thought I was qualified. Luckily I only did it about twice, and no one got hurt.
This piece is very reassuring to me, mostly because it vindicates my own feelings on the subject. Most of our friends are putting their potential sitters through the ringer, and I just can’t see doing this. Of course, we also have never left our kids with anyone besides friends or family. So I guess I have to put my $2.50/hr where my mouth is.
Ann, that was great!
and I’m having similar thoughts as Hayden gets older. I was babysitting at 12 years old and making 2 bucks an hour. I was still just a kid myself. Would I have hired me? no way. And can I justify spending $12 an hour on an ubernanny so I can go out with my husband and have a $50 meal? Well, I just don’t have that kind of money. yet.