I have a really hard time being patient with my child’s noisy ass toys.
They blink. They squeak. They toot & peep. They drive me up the mother effing wall.
I mean, for the love, they should at least come with a volume control where your only option isn’t just “LOUD” & “SCREAM-Y LOUD.”
Especially the ones that go off at random & scare the shit out of you. You know what I’m talking about. You probably have a couple that you’d like to beat the crap out of but you can’t bring yourself to do it because your sweet child loves it too much & if you did, you’d feel like an asshole.
They always go off at the most disruptive times. Like when the kid is finally asleep & you’re miraculously catching a quiet moment to close your eyes & rest. Or if you’re really enjoying getting to “3rd base” on the couch… then all of a sudden, out of nowhere you hear this sing-song-y voice bellow, “COME ON, BOARD THE ANIMAL TRAIN! COME ON, EVERYONE! LEARNING ABOUT ANIMALS IS REALLY LOTS OF FUN! TOOT TOOT!” (Hi-fives if you recognized that song).
And then it ruins everything. You’re wide awake and/or fully flaccid. Total buzz kill. GAH.
Well, if you are totally relating to this scenario & can no longer take all that obnoxious racket, I have a solution for you.
Gather up that g-dang animal train, that creepy talking Barney & that inappropriate looking Sing-a-ma-jing thing they got for Christmas & throw those fuckers in the bathtub to fry. Voila! Now they’re bath toys!