EZPZ: Managing Your Crap One Drawer At A Time

It’s the new year, and I, a normally sane person, experience the sudden compulsion to “get organized.”  Back before I had kids, this was fun.

As a mother of two kids, however, this need to “get organized” has become an effort reminiscent of a Calculus problem.

A 34 year old mother of two is straightening out three piles of clutter in her living room.  For every four pieces of clutter she removes, her one year old son creates two piles of clutter.  For every six pieces of clutter she removes, her five year old daughter draws three inane pictures of Rapunzel and Mike Wazowsky playing parcheesi.  How many minutes before the mother considers downing an entire bottle of Xanax in the hopes of drifting off into sweet oblivion?

These days, efforts to organize are becoming laser focused on small manageable areas.  If I can just keep these four square feet of my home organized, I think to myself, then I can tell myself that the world still functions under some semblance of order. This year, I’m focusing on the “junk” drawer in my kitchen. It’s fallen into total chaos since the birth of my son sixteen months ago, and this has been exacerbated by the fact that it has been under my husband’s care whose method for finding anything entails sole reliance on the foolproof “Faiqa-have-you-seen-the-blah” System of Crap Management.

It’s time to take that drawer back, my friends, and here’s how we’re going to do it.

Engage in Goal Setting for Your Crap
What is this drawer for exactly?  Be precise and write it down.  Mine is for loose change, cell phone chargers, checkbook/cash, pens/pencils, notepads, jewelry that I rip off at the end of a night out that I don’t feel like putting away, keys that do not seem to unlock anything, screws that look important, postage stamps and cameras.

Divide and Conquer Your Crap
Empty out the contents of the drawer on a surface that gives you plenty of room to work on.  Make two categories: “Crap that belongs in this drawer” and “Crap that doesn’t belong in this drawer.”

Push the crap that does not go in the drawer over to the side and forget about it for a few minutes.

Now, categorize the stuff that does go in the drawer, and physically place the crap together in those categories.  Sort by functionality, shape, color, creed or country of manufacture, I don’t care.  Just formulate categories that make sense to you.   And, be real, if you’re the one organizing the drawer, you’re the one that the other people in the house are going to ask incessantly where stuff is, anyway, so who cares about their perspective on category formulation.  Just try not to be too specific or make too many categories.

Find Containers That Are Appropriately Sized For Your Crap
A word on containers: tread carefully.  Containers for your stuff can be great, but it can also be a waste of space and money. Take a long look at the categories you’ve made and visualize how big of a container you’re going to need for each category.  When it comes time to buy the containers, go slightly larger.  Make sure you measure the depth and width of the drawer, so the containers you buy will actually fit.  Final note on containers:  do not buy containers before you categorize.  If you don’t have time to leave for the store after making the categories, just place stuff in labeled Ziploc bags until you can get them.

Return Crap to The Drawer
After “containerizing” the crap that goes in the drawer, place it back in the drawer.

Deal With The Rest of the Crap
Take a long, hard look at the stuff you have left over.  If it has a home, or makes sense in another place, go put it there.  If it doesn’t have a home, do you really need it?  I know this is going to sound cheesy, but I’ve started looking at everything I own and asking myself “Does this fit the vision of who I want to be in five years?”  I told you it was cheesy.  If you absolutely cannot throw a bunch of things away that are left over from the drawer, or simply don’t feel like creating a space for it right now, you can do what I did.  Grab a really large Ziploc bag, write “Homeless” on it and put it back in the drawer.  Deal with it later.

Maintain
About five minutes a day will help you avoid having to do this every.single.January.

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This method can be applied to larger spaces, such as closets or bedrooms, but keep in mind that controlled substances or children should not be present during execution.