Hi. My name is Robin Plemmons & I don’t own a smart phone.
I can hear you *gasping* while you’re reading this from your fancy ass smart phone.
I know it’s shocking considering all the online stuff I do, but unfortunately it’s the truth.
This is my phone. It is not smart. It is dumb:
Stop laughing at me.
I mean, I do realize that this is a first world problem & yes, I definitely am thankful that I even have access to a phone that I can carry around in my pocket… but it would be so nice & convenient & fun to own a cool phone.
And then when I’m away from my laptop, I wouldn’t have to hide behind large ferns while I laboriously text out my tweets to 40404.
And then I could actually see if someone replies or DMs!
And then I could RESPOND!
Oh, the possibilities!
But alas, here I am with this semi-sucky flip phone. It’s all because of those g-dang data plans! I know $100 a month doesn’t seem like a lot to some of you but when you’re a family of three, living paycheck to paycheck (ouch, that was hard to type), there just isn’t room in our budget to fully justify getting one. And I work from home all day, so it’s not like I absolutely need one.
I guess I’m also getting a little self conscious about my lame-o phone because by the time you read this, I will be at Blissdom where there will be a lively sea of bloggers whipping out their flashy gadgets & apps right in the palm of their hands. And I will be ducking behind Anissa’s wheelchair to answer my husband’s highly important, totally inevitable-”where the hell is the DVD remote?” phone calls.
Not that anyone is going to judge me at Blissdom, right? RIGHT?
*sigh*
If I did have the privilege of choosing, I would SO go for an iPhone. I do have a MacBook that my generous father gave me a couple years ago so I’m already a Mac lover. And I did manage to acquire an iTouch last year, which I LOVE. But it’s no good unless it’s able to pick up a strong wifi signal. Apple needs to rename it the iTease.
I think, when I dig down deep to the very heart of my smart phone coveting, all I really want to do is have the ability to freaking twitpic shit. (Not literal shit, mind you. Well… maybe literal shit. Not mine though. That’s just nasty. Maybe like deer shit or something cause they shit in little pebbles. It’s SO WEIRD).
I’m talking about bringing entertaining images to your eyeballs, instantly.
Like capturing Cecily tucking her phone into her boob holder.
or that time I kept throwing animal crackers at my (un-named) friend’s ass crack.
Check out those beautiful, shrimp colored thighs.
or during my sexy Jamaican honeymoon.
(This rum-inspired image is fairly tame compared to the others).
or documenting your family’s history on the bathroom wall.
it says, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I did your Dad." "Go home Mom, you're drunk."
or when your homey shows up with a PUFF PAINTED TITTY T-SHIRT!!
I would love to be able to make the world a better place, one twitpic at a time. So what if the majority of them would consist of boobs & butts & crotches. Those who suffer from chronic gutter brain will (probably) be forever grateful for my contribution to the twitter community. And with their excessive (hypothetical) retweets, they too will spread love & crotches & LOLZ throughout the internets! Think of the impact it could have! I COULD CURE DEPRESSION!!!!
Ok, maybe not. But, at the very least, it would enable me to amuse myself. Which is obviously very important… to me.
Not to mention, it would take sexting to a whole new level. My husband might just take that second job.
About Robin Plemmons
For the sake of all good and holy, I hope you get a smart phone soon. Those photos would have me LOL’ing all day long. And, lately, I need some good LOL’s, even if I have the humor of a 13 year old boy, and also find the boobs, butts and crotches, endlessly funny!
Because, really, it is a public service!
Mel! Let’s all pray to the cell phone gods, ok?
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Show your husband this post and he will get you that smartphone. Only show him the part about the boobs and the butt and the sexting, though.
Twitter Name: shellimil
Shelli- I’m not even kidding. My husband took a second job last week. Things are looking good!
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Data plans are only 30 dollars a month. Depending on what company you or your husband work for you might even get a discount. I have Verizon and I have unlimited data for 23.99 a month. Plus, Verizon is getting the iphone Feb. 10th.
Clearly, I need to do my research. Thanks for the heads up, Chrisie Ward!
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
You shouldn’t feel bad, I just got my iphone; the old one… not a 4, about 2 weeks ago. Before then I had the 1st year motorola razr. I broke down and got the iphone because I was sick of having to clear out my message box all the freaking time in order to get a simple picture someone sent. Plus seem to have extra $, since I dropped the “non-working because he needed time to cheat on me” ex lol. The phone plans can be expensive, but if you do your research you can pick a plan that works for you. For me, I don’t go online with my phone much (which is kind of stupid, since DUH… it’s main purpose is that) but I do text, so my plan is only $5 more then it was when I had the razr and that’s only because I up’d the text plan.
Alyssa- so happy you kicked that stupid cheater to the curb. Did you get a twitpic of it? ;)
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
Haha, do you know how lame I felt at the first Type A conference, with no cell phone, no laptop, AND no digi cam? Then, at the second one, I had a netbook (yes, it’s a laptop but OMG it hurts my eyes for long periods of time) and a dumb phone I SHARED with hubby. I hid often, and didn’t tweet as much as one should.
Now, I have a Droid. RIGHT BEFORE THE FREAKIN IPHONE COMES TO VERIZON, GAH. And you know why? Cuz my grandparents love me enough to put me on their plan. (Lame, I know.) I got it during a BOGO (my gma got the other one and I still don’t know why… she texts me every five minutes asking how to do something) and I got the promotion smartphones talk free for the contract so I’m only paying for the data plan.
I justified getting hubby a phone by the fact that I was paying $60 a month for one, and now can pay $60 for two and swap unlimited talk for unlimited Internet. Cuz who wants to use a phone to TALK?
And you know what? I still don’t tweet from my phone. I probably should. Maybe that will convince the cell phone gods to treat you well. :)
Twitter Name: lewatrous
I love my iPhone. Probably inappropriately.
Twitter Name: chickybaby
Okay, that’s funny. You need to take care of this soon! I feel your pain. ALL of my friends have iphones. (Even the ones on welfare!) I don’t. It just doesn’t seem fair. At all.
Twitter Name: WApharmgirl
Keep getting your Etsy site listed everywhere and any phone (and text plan) with be your choice!
Twitter Name: juliaroberts1
Another option if you just want the online part of it is to get an iPod touch. Hubby seriously covets my iPhone, but now that he’s got the iPod I can occassionally use my own phone. You can still hop online anywhere there’s free wifi and get almost all the same apps (‘cept the camera – well our version anyways)
Twitter Name: therealneeroc
Our local Walmart has a $30.00 FLAT RATE plan with a smart phone and UNLIMITED internet access. I don’t know if all Walmarts have the same thing, but it might be worth looking into…
Twitter Name: LoLately
A relationship with a smart phone is not something to be entered into lightly. I had a blackberry (boring [sorry, Anissa]), and then finally got an iPhone. Now I’m that guy ignoring his kids while checking email and playing Words With Friends.
Twitter Name: betadad
I know who’s thighs those are with the animal cracker… (at first I assumed they were mine, since you like to take highly inappropriate pics of me. But then I remembered that day at the lake, and how this person would kill you if you showed her face.) I’m glad you don’t have an iphone, for the selfish reason that I’d have to nag you if you kept checking it during meals and conversations (like animal-cracker-butt-girl, see above.) Love you!
I wonder if my thighs still look like that. I think now they are less shrimp colored and more pasty English heritage white.
Thank you for not tagging me in this. Remember, I know where you live and I suddenly have a lot of time on my hands.
We will get you a smart phone this year. Mark my words.
And my Animal Cracker Butt Crack.
You need a “smart” phone, it’s like what they say, “once you go black…..or, once you go smart”. Don’t pay for the data plan and just hook up to your wifi at home. That’s what I do here in the Bahamas….p.s. your dad is living in the room next to me! Is that weird? He showed me your blog, and i’m officially hooked. I esp <3 your wall canvas art, makes me giggle!
Wow I just found your blog and I think I’m officially hooked. LOL this post is so funny! Totally my insights, too, when I still wasn’t a proud iPhone mom. But I really think you should get a smartphone of your own. I’m simply in love with the apps. By the way, if it’s alright, I’d like to recommend one of my current favorite apps, Intuition. Tagged as mom’s personal assistant, it’s a task management app that has many features designed to help us moms. It’s really easy to use and it looks cute, too. Plus, it’s free and you can download it on your iPod! You can check it out on http://www.iconapps.com/product.htm