10 Foods to Avoid on a First Date

Again with the dating single mom thing?

Shut it.

Okay, so since I’m going to have to start ALL over again with meeting nice guys and enjoying dinner or coffee while getting to know them, I’ve had to also revisit some of my old Rules of Dating. Unfortunately, since I didn’t think I’d ever need my copy again, I passed it on to another unsuspecting fool. (I sure hope she’s okay…) I’m kinda just going by memory on most of these, and also tweaking them with a few more years of wisdom under my belt than the last go round.

Some things, however, never change.

Take for instance what to eat on a first date. I remembered this the other morning when I went paddle boarding with a guy friend (that I like… and he’s so cute… anyway). We’ve already gone to dinner and have been hanging out in the same circle of party goers for at least two years now. So when I ordered the poppy seed bagel with my coffee, I felt comfortable enough to ask that he tell me if I had seeds in my teeth. I DO NOT recommend this with a new guy that you’ve just met!!

Here are some foods to avoid on a first date, should you be a single-ish person, or to recall at a later time should you ever kick your spouse or partner to the curb because they fluffed your pillow wrong:

TEN FOODS TO AVOID ON A FIRST DATE

Crab Legs - I don’t care how sexy Jennifer Beals looked doing it in Flashdance. Just get that image out of your head! The reality is that you will get your fingers all nasty buttery and that shit might end up in your hair or on your cute new dress. Plus what if you crack the shell and part of that goes flying into your date’s eye? Not a good first impression. If you HAVE to have some crustacea, go with lobster. Everyone loves a little tail.

Smoothies – First of all, the chance of getting a brain freeze is high. How sexy is it to crinkle up your face in agony? Not very! Second of all, most smoothies have fruits with seeds in them. Seeds that will look like ants crawling on your teeth. Again… not sexy. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

Low Fat Anything – Oh please. Who are you kidding? I mean, he should get to know the real you right off the bat. If you start off with a Low Fat meal, you’re doomed to that standard for the rest of your relationship! Just eat the fatty food and be done with it.

Fish Tacos – Many of you live in regions where you would likely avoid this menu selection at all costs. Trust me… when you come out to San Diego for a visit, I will turn you! But for first dates, this item should probably be avoided. First of all, some boys tend to have the minds of third graders, so saying “fish taco” out loud might cause a spit take that neither of you will ever recover from. Beyond that, they tend to be messy. Save this for the third date.

Spaghetti (and all other long noodles) – Wasn’t that such a sweet scene on Lady and the Tramp? And then they share the meatball… awwww… great for a doggy first date. Too slurpy for a human first date. Not to mention pasta tends to get people all sleepy. Yawning on a first date should only be used when you “have a long day tomorrow.” (Read: this date sucks.)

Shots – While technically not food, unless you want to get sloppy drunk and forget yourself (not to mention the experience of a possible walk of shame), don’t do them. Plus, what kind of guy asks you to do shots on a first date? Did you forget to Google him???

Eggplant - Ummm… gas is not sexy!! Enough said.

Beans – Please see “Eggplant” above.

Ribs – Again with the messy finger foods? What’s wrong with you???

Garlic - Now here’s one that I’m split on. I LOVE garlic. If there was a way to spread roasted garlic on waffles and eat that for breakfast every day, I totally would! With a little Nutella maybe. Mmmmm… But unless my date is for sure going to have something with garlic in it, too, I’m not ordering it. Do the old “So what are you getting” thing. And if he orders something stinky, have your garlic and stink it, too!

*SIDE NOTE: If he pulls a menu choice switch after you order the stinky garlic food, don’t ever go out with him again. EVER! That boy just doesn’t know what he wants. And now you smell and he doesn’t. That’s just wrong… possibly passive aggressive.

Mangia!

PS: I’m not Italian… not that there’s anything wrong with that.