YER DOING IT WRONG: Advice, Aiming Low Style

Not surprisingly, the questions we have today are both holiday AND mother-in-law themed.

Is it better to lie to your MIL and say you loved a gift or tell the truth that you are going to return it?

How long should I wait to return a crappy gift from my mother in law?

Cecily says:

Blessedly, I don’t have this issue. Even before my mother-in-law developed Alzheimer’s (which actually changed her from a cruel and domineering word-I-shouldn’t-use-to-describe-my-mother-in-law to a rather sweet and befuddled old lady), she never bought me gifts. She always gave my husband a check for Christmas and once I married him, she just added my name to the card (without increasing the amount, naturally).

But I’ve gotten plenty of crap ass gifts in my time from people you don’t want to piss off or hurt. And it’s always a bit tricky.

If your mother-in-law lives nearby, well, you’re kinda fucked. You can’t return it, particularly if she expects to see the gift at some point in the future, which means you have to let her see it once and then say it got ruined (I suggest either the dog peed on it, the kids put a sandwich in it, or the chain broke and the pendant was lost – that should cover most mother-in-law gifts) so you never have to let her see it again. I’d hold out until, oh, February or March to tell her it broke/was ruined, and return it at the last possible moment in January.

If your mother-in-law isn’t someone you see often, LUCKY YOU! And you’re set. You just need to pose for two photos with said item — wearing different hairstyles and outfits (don’t forget to change your lipstick!) in two different settings – and then you can return it immediately. In February send the first picture, then about May send the second one. BE SURE NO HOLIDAY DECORATIONS ARE IN THE PICTURE or she’ll totally be on to you.

But one piece of advice: DO NOT TELL HER YOU ARE RETURNING IT. Even if she insists, quite strongly, that if you don’t like it, “It’s fine, just return it!” That is the CLASSIC mother-in-law trap. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. Insist quite passionately that you ADORE whatever the fuck it is, do the pictures, and then return it and buy yourself something you don’t hate.

See? Done and done. Yer welcome.